DEAR ABBY: My sister and I live with our aunt because our mother is in jail and our father is nowhere to be seen. She was the only one willing to take us in. However, she uses drugs and has many criminal types in and out of the apartment.

Some of the guys she brings here sometimes stay awhile and try to make moves on us (if you know what I mean), and it makes us very uncomfortable. We share a room that doesn't even have a lock on the door, and we are so scared at night we put the dresser against the door before we go to bed when there's somebody here.

We're grateful that our aunt cared enough about us to take us when nobody else would, but it's still a scary situation. What can we do? -- SCARED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SCARED: You and your sister have my sympathy. For no fault of your own, you have been dealt a difficult hand in life.

Although your aunt's heart may have been in the right place when she took you in, it appears from what you have written that she is neither mature enough nor stable enough to live up to that responsibility. You and your sister deserve to be able to sleep in your beds at night without fear.

I strongly urge you to talk to a trusted teacher at school about your situation. Your well-being could depend upon an intervention.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old boy, and my mother still insists on coming in with me when I go to the doctor for a physical exam. I think I am old enough to go in by myself, as I find it embarrassing to have her there when he's examining me.

She says since she's my mother there is nothing she hasn't seen before, but if I'm that paranoid she'll promise to look the other way during the part of the exam when I have to pull down my shorts. Even if she does, I will still be uncomfortable with her standing right there at a time like that.

She says she needs to be there to hear what the doctor has to say and ask him questions. I don't see why she can't just talk to him for a minute right afterward. If there is anything wrong, I'm sure he would let her know anyway.

If it's necessary for one of my parents to be right there, I'd much rather it be my father, but he says it's too hard to get off work during the day. Please tell me what you think. -- C.J. IN WILMINGTON, DEL.

DEAR C.J.: Many physicians prefer to have someone else in the examination room while they perform physical examinations or procedures on their patients. If you would prefer that your mother not be there for part of the exam, you should indicate that to your doctor and let him handle it. However, if your mother steps outside, please understand that your doctor may ask a nurse to be present.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are the parents of two small children. We have started writing our wills to help plan for our children's future should anything happen to us.

I was wondering, would it be appropriate to request that should one or both of us predecease our children, that people donate money to an educational trust for our children in lieu of flowers? I know that people often request donations to charity and philanthropic groups, but I'm wondering if our request would be considered "tacky" or inappropriate. -- CURIOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CURIOUS: Although the loss of a parent is tragic, I'm reluctant to endorse that kind of request. Please take into consideration that an education costs far more than flowers for a funeral. The best way to ensure that your children can complete their education would be to start a college fund for them now and also make sure you have adequate life insurance.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letter from "Plain Jane in Texas" (Jan. 5), who complained about male co-workers being "too friendly" on her new job -- she didn't say she was being subjected to sexual advances. She merely said that many of the men she works with are always stopping by "to say 'Hi'" and that she's treated like a celebrity. She also said she has "never been the center of attention."

That, in my opinion, is the center of the problem. I think she is very insecure -- after all, she signed herself "Plain Jane" -- and she doesn't know how to handle her new popularity. On most jobs, you have to contend with office cliques, jealousy and generally not being accepted completely for a while. I think "Jane" is very fortunate to have lucked into a work environment with open arms. -- LUCIA IN CHICAGO

DEAR LUCIA: I find it fascinating the way my readers view the letters I print through the "filter" of their own experiences. Many people commented on "Plain Jane's" predicament -- and all of them offered interesting perspectives on interpersonal relations in the workplace. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I went to work in a building with 13 men. All day, every day, men would come by my desk to talk, invite me out for lunch, dinner, trips to hockey games, weekends, etc. These men would bring me gifts, offer to fix my car, etc. Thankfully, I was never interested in any of them.

Six months after I left that job, I found out that seven of them had put $50 each into a pool to see who could take me out first. One guy bet his $50 that I wouldn't go with anyone, and he won the bet! Once I heard about the bet, all the attention made sense. Beware of men bearing gifts! -- JUDI IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: Before complaining to the management about sexual harassment as you suggested, "Plain Jane" might take a careful look at herself. Is she dressing inappropriately for the workplace (low neckline, exposed midriff, short skirts)? Does she smile too much? Is there candy on her desk, encouraging co-workers to stop and chat? "Jane" might ask a trusted older working woman friend or relative to look over her wardrobe or share other hints.

In my 20s, I had a very negative self-image. I was unaware of the effect I made in 1960s mini-skirts. Looking back at old photos, I realize my husband was right -- I was a dish! -- FORMER PLAIN JANE IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: As a former worker in human resources, I know "Plain Jane's" situation can be volatile for everyone. However, before making any formal reports, Plain Jane must make her dislike of the attention known to her "suitors"; otherwise they may conclude that she is enjoying it.

She can do this in a polite and factual way, simply by saying, "Please don't come and talk to me while I'm working. It inhibits my ability to get my work done. Thank you." Then, if the attention continues, she should definitely talk to management or human resources staff. -- SHARON IN EAU CLAIRE, WIS.

DEAR ABBY: I worked the graveyard shift at a large law enforcement facility where I was one of only two women among 400 men. I found a way to discourage unwanted attention without complaining. I simply told the first one that tried to get too friendly that I didn't date men I worked with. Reason: No one wants complications in the workplace.

Working with those men was one of the best times of my career. I sincerely hope Plain Janes everywhere in that position will try this tactic. It worked for me. -- BEEN THERE IN NEVADA

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I took my grandsons to see a movie. They were looking forward to our outing all week. As we stood in line to buy tickets, I realized I had only a $20 bill in my wallet.

We had planned to lunch on hot dogs and drinks in the theater, but I knew I wouldn't have enough cash. I told my grandchildren we had a problem -- I was short of money -- but I figured I could write a check.

The 7-year-old said, "No, MeeMaw! The sign says cash only." I replied, "That's OK because it doesn't cost much for kids." He piped up again, "MeeMaw, the sign says $4 for children."

As the line to the cashier grew shorter, we decided that we'd buy only one hot dog and one drink, and we'd share.

Unbeknownst to me, a young lady standing in front of us overheard our conversation. When she reached the cashier, she purchased her tickets, then turned to me and handed me three tickets to see our movie. I was shocked and delighted and so were the boys. I tried to thank her, but she was gone in a flash.

Abby, I will never forget that dear girl's kindness and neither will the boys. It happened more than a year ago, but I still think of it to this day and have tried to pass her generous act forward. I hope she sees this letter so she will know what an impact her spontaneous act of kindness had on us. -- GRATEFUL MEEMAW IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR MEEMAW: So do I. Acts of kindness are like pebbles tossed into a reflecting pool. The ripples radiate outward long after the deed is done.

DEAR ABBY: I know you sometimes enjoy sharing amusing incidents with your readers. Years ago, we lived in a friendly community of row houses with attached garages. I was attending college at the time, and usually returned home around midnight.

My best pal, my cat Peg, would wait for me on top of the garage. When I left the garage, Peg would jump on my shoulders and remain there for several hours after I went inside to study.

One night I was delayed getting home. My next-door neighbor, an alcoholic, came home from a party stewed to the gills around the time I usually got there. There were no lights in the garage, and it was very dark.

Assuming it was me, Peg jumped on his shoulders as he left the garage. My neighbor screamed and yelled. The neighbors came out to see what was going on. The police arrived. Hysteria ensued.

The next day the morning paper had the headline, "Wild Animal Escapes From Zoo." -- MORRIS W. IN ARIZONA

DEAR MORRIS: And I know which one. It was one of their pink elephants.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My lover and I have been disagreeing lately and are considering couples counseling. However, he keeps insisting that we see the marriage counselor he and his wife are currently seeing.

I want to make this relationship work, but I think it's inappropriate to receive counseling from the same one that they are currently seeing. What do you think? -- NEEDS THERAPY IN TEXAS

DEAR NEEDS THERAPY: I think you should definitely have some sessions with the therapist who is counseling your lover and his wife. They could prove enlightening. I'm willing to bet the farm that the same issues that have caused him to cheat on her are the ones at the root of your problems with him. And I'm not at all sure that "making this relationship work" would ultimately be in your best interests.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)