DEAR ABBY: Valentine's Day is nearly here, and it can be a sad day for people who are alone -- especially for widows and widowers living by themselves. This holiday can be more painful for them than birthdays, anniversaries and other holidays because they are constantly bombarded with images of love by retailers.

I would like to offer a suggestion that can turn an otherwise difficult day into a day for them to look forward to.

Last year, my fiance and I spent Valentine's Day with his widowed grandmother. Her husband has been gone 10 years, and she has not remarried. He was her soul mate, the center of her life. We wanted to do something to make it a day she could look forward to.

Abby, I cannot tell you how happy she was when we told her we would be spending the evening with her. She had the table set for dinner by noon that day. When we arrived, she was glowing. We stayed for hours and listened as she told stories about her life with her husband. We both learned so much that we didn't know about her life and family. We wouldn't trade that night for anything.

As a couple in love, we get to spend every day celebrating our love for each other. We don't need a day set aside to remind each other of that.

Valentine's Day is about love. It doesn't have to be romantic love. We have decided to spend every Valentine's Day from now on with her, so we can make it "her" special day.

Everyone knows someone who has lost the one that he or she loves. I see no reason not to take a little time to make this a special day for them. Such a small gift can make a world of difference. -- BETH IN BAKERSFIELD, CALIF.

DEAR BETH: Thank you for a beautiful letter. From reading it, I know you and your fiance have a wonderful future ahead of you.

You have made an important point. Regardless of the holiday hype, the most precious gift a person can give to another isn't one that's tangible. It's the gift of time.

Although Valentine's Day celebrates romantic love, we all know that there are many kinds of love. On Wednesday, I hope that none of my readers who are unattached will sit at home alone and brood. Reach out to other singles! Rent a stack of videos, pop some popcorn, sit back and enjoy each other's company. Or pick up the phone and call someone to say that he or she is in your thoughts. Everyone likes to be remembered.

For those lucky folks who "have everything," take a moment and thank the good Lord that you are so blessed. And while you're at it, offer up a prayer for the safety of the men and women who are serving our country in all four corners of the globe, as well as their families at home who are doing without them. I have found that doing so puts everything in perspective.

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DEAR ABBY: I am 23. I was married at 19 and divorced at 22. I then jumped into a highly incompatible match that led me astray from home and family. I came to my senses and ran back home.

Since then, I have fended off requests for serious relationships and opted instead for "flings." I have, however, become attached to one "fling" in particular. He is 31 and lives close by. I have known him almost six months.

We have an "arrangement" -- we are "friends with benefits" only. However, I no longer want this. I want to take it to the next level. I have developed deeper feelings for him and have told him so.

He has not voiced the same sentiments. He said he was hurt in the past and doesn't want to be hurt again, so he doesn't get involved. He sends me mixed signals, and I am confused. He doesn't call for weeks, then calls several times a week "just to talk." When I leave him, sometimes he barely notices; other days he'll walk me to my car and send me off with a kiss. He sends cute e-mails and gives me trivial gifts.

I feel like a pseudo-girlfriend. I am there when he has time for a "girlfriend" type. I don't know where I stand with him. Should I wait it out or just let him go? He's a great person and an awesome man. I care for him on many levels. I want our relationship to progress, but I feel him holding back. What should I do? -- TIRED OF THE GAME IN ARIZONA

DEAR TIRED OF THE GAME: You are very young. With a failed marriage behind you, and a rebound relationship that didn't work out, it's time to slow down and realize that lasting relationships take time to build. Your problem is that you expect instant romance on your terms, and you have forgotten that you set the rules of this "game."

My advice is to stop asking for a commitment, and fill the time you're not with him with friends -- and other dates should you meet someone you "click" with. When he calls, don't always be instantly available. Show some independence. Some men find that trait very appealing -- particularly if they're relationship-phobic. After three or four more months, you can then have that chat with him about "where is this going?"

DEAR ABBY: I am a special education teacher who works with people who have mental retardation. Everywhere I go, I hear teenagers and young adults calling each other "retarded." This disturbs me greatly.

Abby, I want people to understand that the word "retarded" is very offensive when used in this context. Many people, young and old, live with mental retardation as a daily struggle. Using this term in a derogatory fashion is just as inappropriate as any racial slur.

Please let your readers know that using the word "retarded" lightly is not appreciated. -- IRRITATED IN MISSOURI

DEAR IRRITATED: I'm printing your letter because apparently a lot of people need to see it. Mental retardation is also no laughing matter to parents, siblings and other relatives of people who have it. To use the expression as a derogatory comment shows that the speaker is both ignorant and insensitive.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm 19 and dropped out of college in December 2005. After years of going through honors classes, I felt like I had nothing left. My brain was on cruise control. I was present but my mind wasn't. I'd go to class and feel like a shell.

My friends and family attribute it to laziness. I felt like I didn't know what I wanted to do and was wasting my father's money being there -- so I left.

My father doesn't believe in "doing nothing." If you're not in school, you get a job. So for the past 14 months I have had a job to fill my day.

I think I want to go back to school in August, but I also feel I'm doing it to please everyone else. Honestly, I no longer know what I want to be in life. I have no idea what I want to major in. I'm just lost. I have never dated, done drugs, drunk, partied or anything else besides go to school. And I was good at it.

I try not to look girlie or pretty because it attracts guys' attention. But now I realize that no matter what you do, they're going to notice you. I feel like my life has to change for the sake of my emotional health. I feel purposeless.

I have dreams of what I want out of life -- a mansion, a nice car, money in the bank -- but I don't necessarily have to go to college to achieve that. I know it sounds like a cliche, but I feel like I don't know who I am. I can't backpack through Europe, nor do I have the money to even travel around the United States. So my question is, how should I go about finding myself? -- NEEDS HELP IN CHICAGO

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Your first step should be to return to college. Your second step should be in the direction of the student health center to talk to someone about being screened for depression and anxiety. Although you were a good student, it appears that you had no social life. A young woman your age should not be hiding to keep from being noticed.

Your third step should be the college's career counseling department. It is important that you learn what it is you enjoy as well as have an aptitude for. After that, I predict a lot of things in your life will fall into place.

DEAR ABBY: I live with a close friend. Recently a person who knows us both sent out invitations to his wedding. I received one; my housemate did not. Further, there is no "and guest" indicated on my invitation.

I feel very uncomfortable about it -- and more than a little miffed. I say that if the inviter knows both adult members of a household but invites only one, then the inviter should at least communicate briefly with the one not invited, rather than make the one who was invited feel awkward. That seems like common courtesy to me. However, I have checked the etiquette resources and the issue isn't addressed even in passing. What do you think? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: I have never heard of a host having to explain to someone why he or she was not included on a guest list. I am sure of one thing, however. There was a reason for the exclusion, whether it was personal or budgetary.

An invitation is an invitation, not a command performance. Because you feel "stuck in the middle" that your housemate was not invited to the wedding, feel free to send your regrets -- and if you are asked why you didn't accept, tell the person what you have told me.

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