DEAR ABBY: May I respond to the assertion that letting the 6-year-old drive a golf cart is unsafe (Dec. 31)? Six-year-olds routinely drive go-carts, motorcycles and the like recreationally. Most competitive leagues have divisions especially for them (peewee leagues). As long as they have the proper protective gear, this is in no way child endangerment.

I drove a motorcycle and go-cart at the age of 5, and 31 years later, I attribute my spotless driving record to the early and vast experience I have. -- AL M. IN BOISE, IDAHO

DEAR AL: The grandmother who wrote that letter ("Seriously Worried in Florida") stated that she felt the golf cart was too big and powerful for the safety of her grandchild. She also did not indicate that any safety gear was being provided for the little girl. I'm pleased your experience was a positive one, but read on:

DEAR ABBY: About 13 years ago, my nephew was allowed to drive a golf cart at the age of 8. He fatally injured his 6-year-old stepsister. He is still traumatized by it.

And if that isn't bad enough, last June my great-grandson was driving a similar piece of equipment on his third birthday (a gift from his paternal grandfather). While the whole family watched, he overturned it as he drove off the road and into a ditch. Everyone seemed to think it was "cute." What is wrong with these idiots? -- BEWILDERED GRAMMY IN MARYLAND

DEAR ABBY: A 6-year-old driving a golf cart is child endangerment, and a social worker has the right to remove that child to a foster home and ask questions later. The parents would then be under a microscope.

Because the grandparent knew about the situation and did not report it to the authorities, the grandparents would probably not be considered safe guardians for that child, and the child would be placed with strangers until the parents finish court-ordered parenting classes.

Foster children are big business. It's a totally different climate than it was in the days when only severely neglected and abused children found their way into foster care.

I speak from 17 years of experience as a foster parent and 30 years as a psychiatric nurse who has seen what hoops families must jump through to get their children back once child protective services is involved. -- READER IN FERRIS, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: An elderly lady here was killed in a hit-and-run golf cart accident while picking up her mail. The driver was a child. I hope this will serve as a wake-up call to the Florida child's irresponsible parents. -- JULIE S., ANN ARBOR, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: I am a registered nurse who works with brain-injured adults. That grandmother has every right to be concerned. I recently cared for a gentleman who sustained a serious head injury falling out of a golf cart. He remains very confused and unable to care for himself. The lifelong consequences of head injuries can be devastating -- not only to the victim, but also to their families. -- R.N. IN MILFORD, N.H.

DEAR ABBY: My son was 6 when he drove a golf cart into a utility pole. Because of the laws of inertia, his little body was not heavy enough to hold him to the seat of the vehicle. He was airlifted to the trauma center for the life-threatening injuries he received to his spleen, liver and pancreas. It was horrible. I nearly lost him. Please, Abby, urge those parents to move the kid out of the driver's seat. -- SARA IN FREDERICKSBURG, VA.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been out of the dating scene for a while. I was divorced nine years ago. My children are 27, 19, 16 and 17. My oldest two are married; the other two are still at home.

I recently started dating a guy who is studying to become a psychiatrist, and he constantly evaluates everything I say -- including small talk about my children. How can I stop him without upsetting him over his true passion? Not every conversation has an undercurrent. Sometimes I just want to chat, but he will start asking me questions, and I think I tell him too much because he then picks apart everything I say.

I try to be honest in this relationship, but I have shut up about some things because I don't need him evaluating my past relationships, how I reared my kids, etc. At my age, I really don't have that kind of couch time. We can't even have sex without him analyzing my feelings. I have been alone awhile, but isn't this a bit too much for the psyche? -- USUALLY JOYFUL IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR USUALLY JOYFUL: Your boyfriend's entry into the study of human behavior must be very recent, or he would realize how obnoxious it is when he does what he is doing. The next time he starts analyzing you, remind him that he isn't licensed to practice yet -- and tell him that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. If someone doesn't get that message across to him, I predict that you will be only the first of many to run from this aspiring shrink.

DEAR ABBY: I am a student who recently moved into a townhouse with three other housemates. My question concerns etiquette when giving someone a "tour."

My good friend "Amy" came over, but I did not feel comfortable showing her my housemates' rooms, even though they weren't home. But Amy walked right on into their rooms anyway, even opening their closets! When we went into the kitchen, she opened every cupboard and the refrigerator, even removing food items to get a better look.

I was shocked by Amy's behavior and thought it was very inappropriate. Was I overreacting? By giving her the tour, did I invite her to inspect the entire house? In the future, I'd like to avoid this situation with other friends. What should I say? -- INVADED IN THE NORTH

DEAR INVADED: You did not overreact. Your friend Amy is both nosy and nervy. In the future, should something like that happen, say, "Whoa! That's off-limits. My housemate(s) will have to show you their private room(s) when they're home. I can't let you go in there -- it's an invasion of their privacy."

Any or all of these statements should suffice. However, if they don't -- take the person by the arm and "guide" her/him away.

DEAR ABBY: I'm curious to know what makes men of any age sleep on couches and easy chairs in the daytime? I don't know of any women who do it. -- MARISA C., ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR MARISA: Men nap on couches and easy chairs because they are sleepy (or perhaps bored). However, this trait is not quite gender-specific. In fact, I am sure there are also women who do it, too. You just don't happen to be acquainted with any who admit it. (Zzzzzz ...)

DEAR ABBY: Please explain the difference between gossip, interesting conversation and expressing an opinion. -- AVIS IN HOUSTON

DEAR AVIS: Gossip is saying something unkind or embarrassing behind someone's back. Some people mistake this for "interesting conversation." However, interesting conversation usually involves discussing ideas -- not the behavior (or misbehavior) of other people. Expressing an opinion is what I have just done.

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DEAR ABBY: You advised "Wondering in Concord, N.H." (Dec. 29) that "as long as the flag is treated with respect -- taken down at night, and not allowed to become tattered and faded because of exposure to the elements -- it would be a loving tribute to (her) friend if it were displayed."

Although I could not find it in any flag etiquette site, it is customary that a flag used on a casket never be unfolded. It was folded and presented as an honor to the deceased soldier/Marine and should be unfolded only by God. This is a sentimental tradition, not a rule or law.

My husband has the flag that draped his brother's casket. He would probably kill before he would let someone unfold it. -- DAWN IN HAMPTON, ILL.

DEAR DAWN: If I was incorrect in my reply, thank you for correcting me. However, you are not the only reader who wanted to weigh in on this subject, and the suggestions I have received are varied. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I belong to three veterans organizations. Most veteran posts, American Legion, AMVETS, Disabled American Veterans and Veterans of Foreign Wars will take a memorial flag and either fly it or dispose of it properly. -- ROBERT O., RICE LAKE, WIS.

DEAR ABBY: A better answer to "Wondering" would be to buy a triangular display case and place the very important gift of the American flag from the friend on the mantel or a table in his/her home. What a topic of conversation it would become in memory of a dear friend. -- RESPECTFUL IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: "Wondering" could, if she so desires, donate the flag to a military cemetery. In Battle Creek, Mich., we have Fort Custer, a veterans cemetery, and I donated the flag given to me at my grandfather's funeral to it. There is an "Avenue of Flags" as you enter the cemetery, and it's a very moving sight to see all these flags flying in the breeze, knowing that people gave their lives for them. -- SANDY E., KALAMAZOO, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: After my father died, my mother donated his flag to a local memorial cemetery. Every Memorial Day the flags are brought out, pressed, and hung on flagpoles lining the driveways and walkways.

Friends, family and the community are invited to a memorial service for all of our fallen men and women. Some come alone; others have family gatherings under the flags.

My father's flag has flown every Memorial Day for the last 23 years. It's a great way to pay tribute and very reassuring to know his flag is being cared for properly. -- VETERAN'S DAUGHTER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: As someone who is currently in the military and deeply rooted in its culture, I have to disagree with your answer to "Wondering in Concord, N.H."

Flags given at a memorial service signify something that goes above and beyond the meaning of an ordinary flag. It is not uncommon, and usually considered a special tribute, for them to be flown for a day over special locations in memory of that individual.

However, it is not appropriate for memorial flags to be used in a daily capacity, and certainly should not be flown over the house of someone who, in all likelihood, didn't know the person. That would be like using someone's tombstone because you needed a big rock for something.

Although the flag itself is just cloth, it symbolizes that the individual made a huge sacrifice of him- or herself that everyone in this country benefits from. If all they need is a flag, I will gladly buy them one in exchange for the honor of caring for the flag of a fallen brother. -- DEVLIN B., SNEADS FERRY, N.C.

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