DEAR ABBY: I am a friendly, happy, well-rounded student. I am president of my class in medical school, currently a 4.0 student and top-ranked in my class. I have a wonderful life. I am artistic, intelligent, attractive, very successful in work and at school. I have a lovely apartment, a new car, fulfilling hobbies, great friendships, and a fiance who is kind, loving and supportive.

I seem to have it all. In fact, I do -- and I feel guilty about it. I had an unhappy childhood coupled with a low-income household growing up, and now I feel as if this happy life is too good for me. I know I earned most of what I have -- I worked two jobs as an undergraduate and have been a dedicated student my entire life. Yet I still feel undeserving. How can I be happy about my happiness? -- DOESN'T DESERVE IT IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DOESN'T DESERVE IT: To use the vernacular, it may take some couch time and the help of a psychotherapist. If I had to take a guess, I'd say your feelings of unworthiness relate to your unhappy childhood -- or, possibly that you were able to overcome your background while others in your family were not. Please start ASAP because, for someone who has accomplished as much as you have, you deserve to enjoy the psychic rewards of what you have achieved.

DEAR ABBY: I am crazy about a girl at work. I'll call her "Marsha." Marsha is very nice, but she never wants to socialize after work. She doesn't go out with the other men or women either. She always has a weak excuse -- she has a cold, her dog is sick, etc.

For two years Marsha has promised that we would go bowling; however, it has never happened. I would be happy to go out with her as a friend, in a group -- on any condition. How can I get her to take the next step in socializing? -- "JACK" IN RENO

DEAR "JACK": Has it occurred to you that Marsha might already be involved with someone? It could also be that she prefers to keep her personal life and her business life separate. Whatever her reasons may be, after two years of polite refusals and postponements, it's time to take the hint and transfer your affections elsewhere. It appears that she's not interested in you in "that way."

DEAR ABBY: For five years I have exchanged letters with a wonderful pen pal. We are both females in our early 60s and have a lot in common. We trade recipes, bookmarks, etc. Reading her letters has been a delightful experience.

Recently she got her letters mixed up, and I got one that was meant for a close friend of hers. When I read it, I realized her life is not at all how she has described it to me! Do pen pals lie because their chances of being found out are slim?

I now realize our relationship is based on lies. Why would she deceive me? -- DECEIVED AND ANGRY IN QUEBEC

DEAR DECEIVED AND ANGRY: I have heard of this happening in online relationships, less frequently in pen pal correspondence. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say that in writing to you this woman has been able to enjoy an idealized fantasy life that is probably far happier than her reality. The person who can best answer your question, of course, is your pen pal. (If the recipes were good -- look on the bright side!)

P.S. If you're curious, return her letter with a short note explaining that she must have gotten her envelopes mixed up and see what her next move is.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm active-duty military but retiring within a year with no plans for future employment as yet. My wife is 38 and I am 39. We have three children, ages 20, 18 and 15.

My wife has the urge to have another child, but I don't want to have another one. I have been looking forward to the time we would have alone with each other. I also know that our debt-to-income ratio is poor, and I was looking forward to climbing out of the red. Another child will not help things.

Our relationship has been rocky for the past four years -- and up and down most of our 19 years of marriage. However, we always managed to bounce back.

I'm afraid if I don't give in to another child, it will be the straw that breaks the camel's back, and she'll resent me to the point that we won't be able to get over it. We are in counseling, but it hasn't seemed to help. We are told to "compromise," but I don't know how to compromise over a situation like this. I'd do anything for her, but I just feel like this isn't the right thing for us to do at this point in our lives.

Please help me keep this family together and still make everyone happy. I really need your help. -- ROCK AND A HARD PLACE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ROCK: Babies are blessings, but they can also stress a troubled marriage past the breaking point. Perhaps it's time you went for a different kind of counseling -- financial counseling. A financial counselor should be able to tell you if you can afford another child, and what the sacrifices will be if you do decide to have one.

Your marriage has always been troubled. I'm not sure you can keep your family together and make everyone happy. Three children do not seem to have brought you and your wife closer. It's important that you be true to yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I was abused by both my parents when I was younger. Although there were short periods when they were kind, the bad far outweighed the good.

I am a decent person. I don't break the law. I don't do drugs. I pay my taxes on time, hold down a job and have friends. But I no longer love my parents. I don't mistreat them, but neither do I love them. I have gotten therapy and moved on, at least as much as I can in a relationship where the other parties have no desire to change their behavior.

Does this make me a bad person? -- "MICKEY" IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR "MICKEY": Not in my book. That your heart is not filled with bitterness for those who abused you, and that you have managed to move on, means your therapy was successful. To repeatedly invite yet another dose of pain makes no more sense than to repeatedly touch a hot stove. Not wanting a close relationship with people who cause you pain is healthy.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend's sister asked me to pitch in on a gift for their mother. Because it was easier for everyone, I simply wound up buying the gift. My girlfriend's sister promised to pay half the cost.

Since then, the gift has been given -- and "Sissy" acts like she went in on it, but she hasn't paid me. I don't want to seem like a pest over this, and it's likely I'll be a part of the family someday. Do I ask my girlfriend's sister for the money, or keep my mouth shut and learn an expensive lesson?

-- BRIAN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BRIAN: Ask for the money -- once. If it's not forthcoming, recognize that "Sissy" is a flake. This may seem like an expensive lesson, but in the long run -- if you join the family -- you'll recognize you got off cheap.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend's sister asked me to pitch in on a gift for their mother. Because it was easier for everyone, I simply wound up buying the gift. My girlfriend's sister promised to pay half the cost.

Since then, the gift has been given -- and "Sissy" acts like she went in on it, but she hasn't paid me. I don't want to seem like a pest over this, and it's likely I'll be a part of the family someday. Do I ask my girlfriend's sister for the money, or keep my mouth shut and learn an expensive lesson?

-- BRIAN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BRIAN: Ask for the money -- once. If it's not forthcoming, recognize that "Sissy" is a flake. This may seem like an expensive lesson, but in the long run -- if you join the family -- you'll recognize you got off cheap.

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Desperately Needing Advice in Manhattan" (Nov. 29), whose business associate advised her it is necessary to drink in order to make business deals, I think you missed the mark in your reply.

Much as we say it ain't so, it's still a man's world, and if she wants to close deals, she needs to "play the game." Her colleague is right. Most business deals are closed in the bar or on the golf course, so learn the game to stay in it. Instead of fruit juice, she should head to the bar and get carbonated water. It looks like a vodka tonic, and it will appear she's having a drink along with everyone else.

As more women enter the work force, these rules will change. But it takes time, and we must make changes "from within." -- GAME ON! LIVERMORE, CALIF.

DEAR GAME ON!: Your suggestion is what "Desperately Needing Advice" is already trying to do. But her colleague is telling her she must drink alcohol to fit in, and pointing out her teetotaling during business dinners.

I would never advise anyone, male or female, to drink alcohol if the person was uncomfortable doing so. Nor should it be necessary to be stealthy about staying sober. Too many slips of the tongue can occur if a person has inadvertently had one sip too many of that which is fermented. I'm reminded of the time I was having dinner with my brother, whom I proceeded to address by my first husband's name 12 years after our divorce. (Need I say more?) Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I loved your reply to the businesswoman who asked if she had to drink in order to make business deals. You advised that her so-called "best friend" was probably trying to feel better about his own drinking by pushing her to do it.

I am in my mid-40s, confident and attractive. Like her, I rarely drink. I'd like her to know, firsthand, that in all my years in business, both as an employee and now that I am self-employed and very successful, my not drinking has never been a problem nor has it adversely affected my relationship with my clients. -- COLD SOBER AND HAPPY IN HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: I have two rules for my business life. First, keep your personal life separate from your business life, and second, never, ever drink with business associates. My father gave me this advice after college, and it has served me well.

I have witnessed, on several occasions, my peers and managers drink at business functions. They lose inhibitions and make horrible decisions that follow them throughout their careers.

Only once was I ever affected by this decision. I was passed over for a raise and promotion because I wouldn't go out and drink with "the boys." My solution? I found a better job with a different company.

I have been very successful with this company, holding various management positions. When I'm out at lunch or dinner, I usually order water with lemon. That I have chosen not to drink has never been an issue. If anything, it has given me an advantage. "Desperately" should be wary of her so-called "friend." His advice could lead to trouble in her career. -- SUCCESSFUL NON-DRINKER IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: I agree with your advice. Most people who are uncomfortable about being around non-drinkers are usually uncomfortable about themselves and their own drinking. Tell that gal that if her "friend" points out that she's not drinking, she should tell him to knock it off and shut up! Then smile and take a sip of her fruit juice. It will embarrass him as much as he's attempting to embarrass her. -- SUSAN IN DECATUR, ILL.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)