DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Noah," and I are being divorced. He moved out nine months ago. We have a 7-year-old son and a 3-year-old daughter.

Last month, Noah revealed that he has had a girlfriend, "Dana," since last June, and they're moving into an apartment together this week. He said the children won't have to meet Dana until I'm comfortable with it. Noah also promised it would be "gradual."

I took the kids to see his apartment a couple of days later. The next day he called me and announced he was taking them to a birthday party for one of Dana's relatives. He also said some co-workers would be there. (He and Dana work for the same company.)

We're not even divorced yet! I don't want to teach my kids that people live together before marriage. By moving in with Dana, Noah has created a secret I can't tell my kids.

Abby, I had to meet many of my father's girlfriends. They all fell by the wayside, each time creating more loss in my life. I don't want that to happen to my children. I'm thinking of making a rule: One year of committed relationship before either Noah or I introduce them to a potential partner. Personally, I'm waiting until after the divorce is final before I start to date. Am I right? -- PROTECTIVE MOM IN MISSOURI

DEAR PROTECTIVE MOM: Create all the rules you wish, but that doesn't mean Noah will abide by them. If he took the children to a birthday party for a relative of Dana's, it's logical to assume that they have already met her.

While you might like your children to keep their innocence, it may be impossible under the circumstances. (If the children visit at Daddy's, is he supposed to throw a blanket over his roommate?)

Honesty is the best policy -- in measured doses. Realistically, he should tell the children that Dana is his new "friend," and if things develop from there, so be it. How you conduct your own life is your business, and I admire your character and maturity in waiting to begin dating until after the divorce is final.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old single mother with three children ages 11, 3 and 1. After escaping an unhealthy three-year relationship, I moved back in with my parents. I soon found a good job, and I have been paying my parents a substantial amount of rent every month.

My problem is, after 11 months of living with my parents, I feel it's time for me and my children to get a place of our own. Mother keeps trying to talk me out of moving because she has become dependent on the money she receives from me every month. I don't want to leave her in a bind, but I need my own space. How can I resolve this without hurting our relationship? -- CLUELESS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CLUELESS: Set a realistic date to be out of your parents' house, and let them know in advance what it will be. That way, your mother may be able to wean herself from her dependency on your rent money, and you won't simply be cutting her off.

If your parents cannot cut back to what they were living on before you moved in, then face the fact that they are the ones with the "problem" -- not you -- and they may need financial counseling.

DEAR ABBY: My life is a wreck. I have two kids, and I'm only 20. We live with our friends because my fiance's father kicked us out for telling him to get a job and help pay the bills.

There are 11 people living in this three-bedroom trailer. God bless them for taking us in. My fiance lost his job the same week. I am so depressed, all I do is cry. I don't know what to do with myself. I need help. Do you have any advice? -- DISTRAUGHT IN OHIO

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: Only this. Dry your tears and start looking for a job. I don't need a crystal ball to see that under the current circumstances, you are going to need one.

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DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading your list of questions for "Are You Ready for Parenthood?" (12/6). Your advice was fine, if you were addressing a mature adult. To reach a 15-year-old, try this:

"If your child throws up all over your bed, are you or the father going to clean it up, stay up all night with a crying child and then go to work the next day? When the baby is sick, will you cancel your plans with your friends and stay home?

"Will you skip buying clothes or the latest cell phone for yourself because you can barely afford food for your little one? Are you willing to give up your dreams of school or travel because the child you gave birth to will grow up and need shoes, an education or medical care? Are you prepared for when this cute, cuddly infant becomes a screaming 2-year-old?

"If you continue your education, will you have the energy to work and care for a child who totally depends on you for all physical and emotional needs? And, most important of all, can you handle all this alone if suddenly the father decides he's 'not ready' for the responsibility?" -- WAITED TILL I WAS OLD ENOUGH AND GLAD OF IT!

DEAR WAITED: No one could say it more plainly than you have. I received a bushel of mail from readers who, like you, wanted to weigh in on the subject. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Nancy in Flagstaff" concerning "Are You Ready for Parenthood?" the question that should be No. 1 is: Are you married? Sex before marriage, though rampant, is still wrong. -- TIM IN LAWTON, OKLA.

DEAR TIM: Sex before marriage may be "wrong," but if my mail is any indication, it's happening. And while having children outside of marriage is not the ideal, the fact remains that folks are doing it and probably will continue -- if the folks in Hollywood are any example. (Where have all the role models gone?)

The fact that more than half the households in America are headed by single parents should be evidence that the old rules -- however valid they were -- are now being ignored. I'd change it if I could, but I have to deal with reality.

DEAR ABBY: Here's my addition to your list: Are you emotionally, physically and financially ready if you have a premature or handicapped baby? I am the parent of a severely handicapped son. His twin sister has ADHD, and by God's grace and just dumb luck, I am handling it well -- so far. -- FLYING SOLO IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR ABBY: Parents need a sense of humor, an infinite amount of patience and thick skin. Children take the longest time eating, using the bathroom, telling a story, asking a question, etc., and there will be many occasions when they will tell you that you are the meanest mommy or daddy or that they hate you. Can you handle it with grace, firmness and patience? -- WISE MOM IN ALABAMA

DEAR ABBY: My question is, Can you provide a safe environment to raise the child? One of the biggest dangers to young children is abuse. Having heard so many stories about young parents shaking babies that won't stop crying -- or worse -- this should be carefully considered before becoming a parent. -- SEEN TOO MUCH IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: I don't have a question to add to your list. But I would like to share some great advice my aunt gave me when I adopted my daughter. She said, "Just give her your wallet now; it won't be yours ever again!" It's true -- and I wouldn't change it for the world! -- KEVIN IN AKRON

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DEAR ABBY: Every year, my husband and brothers-in-law go deer hunting. They always meet at my house for the big hunt. Each year they get sloppier and messier. They leave bloody footprints and pieces of deer carcass through the house and their dirty, smelly clothes in a big pile in the kitchen. They also never wash a dish, plate or utensil they use.

Not only do they kill these creatures and drag them back to my house to clean and cut up, but they also do their "processing" in my small kitchen. Abby, I don't even eat meat! Despite repeated requests that my husband not do this, he continues to turn a deaf ear, claiming that he gets paid to do it by everyone because they don't like going to a meat processor and not getting their stuff for a month or more. Now I know why the black widow eats her mate. Any advice? -- KAY IN ST. JOSEPH, MO.

DEAR KAY: I didn't know the black widow ate her mate. I thought it was the praying mantis -- but only after they had made love. (After all, after so much exertion, a girl could use a "pick-me-up.")

My advice is to practice a little self-defense. When the next hunting party is planned, schedule a nice vacation for yourself -- perhaps visiting family or a warmer climate? And make it plain to your husband that you will be back only after he has made sure the house is spotless.

If the job is too much for him and the brothers-in-law, then he should hire a professional cleaning crew to do it. After all, he can't claim poverty. Because he's being paid for all the meat processing, he should be well able to afford the cost.

P.S. A helpful suggestion: If a regular cleaning crew refuses the job, he should check into a company that cleans up crime scenes.

DEAR ABBY: I will make this short. I am dating this guy I'll call "Rex," who my sister went to the prom with more than 35 years ago. She has since married and has family. I knew they had been to the prom together, but nothing ever came up about them seriously dating.

When Rex and I started dating, I asked my sister if it was all right. She said there was no problem, and it was my decision. Now she hates me and has called me every name in the book. She says it's wrong. I'm confused -- have I done something wrong? -- STUCK IN FREEPORT, TEXAS

DEAR STUCK: You have done nothing wrong. Your sister appears to be an unhappy soul who wants to lessen her frustration with her own life by blaming you. If her relationship with Rex was meant to be, something would have ensued during the 35 years after the prom.

You were generous to ask her permission first, but from my perspective, it was unnecessary. You deserve to be happy and so does Rex. Stop being so dependent on your sister's approval and live your life.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend has a hard time in social situations. He dislikes people in general and needs a lot of alone time.

I am the complete opposite. I need a circle of friends around me in order to be happy. How do we find a balance between the two? -- CLARA IN CHICAGO

DEAR CLARA: It may not be easy. I find it unlikely that someone who "dislikes people in general," "has a hard time in social situations" and is basically a loner will change. My question to you would be, how much are you willing to compromise, and would you be comfortable socializing alone?

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)