DEAR ABBY: My friend "Suzy's" husband recently got a pet monkey named "Jocko." He and the monkey play games together. The problem is he has now begun ignoring Suzy in favor of the monkey.

When Suzy wants to have sex and asks him to come to bed, her husband refuses and tells her, "I'd rather spend time with Jocko." That's only the beginning. She told me she and her husband no longer share the same bed. He says, "Jocko needs company," and he sleeps with it on the couch. He also has a special chair for Jocko at the table, etc.

I feel very bad for Suzy, but she doesn't want to break up with him. She thinks it's a passing fad. What should I do? -- BILL IN BRONX, N.Y.

DEAR BILL: This couple has deeper problems than a simian in the household. I speak from personal experience when I say that monkeys do not make good house pets. (My mother had two cinnamon ringtail monkeys for about six months when I was a child. Among other things, they cannot be housebroken.)

When a husband would rather monkey around with his monkey than monkey around with his wife, you know the marriage is in serious trouble. My advice to you is to take a giant step backward, but before you do, recommend to Suzy that she discuss the situation with a marriage counselor. She and her husband need more help than I can offer in a letter.

DEAR ABBY: I am very worried about a 13-year-old boy I know. I'll call him Jimmy. Although we are not blood-related, I have been friends with his mother, "Monica," since before he was born. There is no male parent in the picture, and there isn't going to be.

Monica is chronically depressed, possibly bipolar, and not entirely capable of taking care of her son. Jimmy, who was never a slim child, has gained about 100 pounds over the past year. He now weighs nearly 300. Monica and Jimmy eat almost every meal at fast-food restaurants, despite her chronic unemployment and a debt load that recently forced them out of their house. Jimmy isn't sedentary -- he is virtually immobile. Healthful snacks are rare in their apartment, and he drinks soda almost to the exclusion of water.

When Jimmy stays with me, we drink water, eat fruits and vegetables, and go outside every day and walk. These activities are nonexistent at Monica's.

How can I help this family get healthy before Jimmy's health is further compromised? -- FEARFUL FRIEND IN IDAHO

DEAR FEARFUL: You are right to be concerned about that child's welfare. Jimmy needs to be seen and evaluated by a health-care professional because 100 pounds is an enormous amount of weight for anyone -- child or adult -- to put on in one year, and the problem could stem from something other than excess calories.

Your friend Monica could be battling chronic depression, or she could -- like many other parents in the United States today -- be ignorant about what healthful meals consist of and how to prepare them. Please encourage her to check into adult education courses in nutrition through her local high school, community college or hospital. As it stands, Jimmy's lifestyle could put him at risk for serious illness, including heart disease and diabetes.

If she is unwilling or unable to help her son, then please contact Child Protective Services and let them know the boy needs help in the form of an intervention.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was widowed last spring, and I'm still not over the shock of what happened at my late husband "Jason's" visitation at the funeral home.

I was his second wife. Imagine my devastation when my darling husband of less than three years died only 90 days after being diagnosed with cancer. Jason had been separated and divorced from his first wife, "Carole," for many years before we were married, and had two adult children from that marriage.

On the morning of Jason's visitation, I went to the funeral home and made sure the casket spray, guestbook and a few family photos of all of us were arranged before going home to shower and change.

When I returned to the funeral home, I was confronted by Carole, who was greeting the visitors as if she were the widow -- wearing red cowboy boots, no less. If that weren't enough, she had put up a display with photos of herself and Jason, storyboards, etc. and was acting as if they had never divorced. I was mortified by her behavior, but did not want to cause a scene in that setting.

Finally, after four hours, the funeral director and a friend escorted Carole outside and told her it was time for the wife to be alone with the body. Was it the funeral director's responsibility to take care of this, or should Jason's children have corrected their mother's behavior? -- HURT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HURT: The right person finally took action. It was up to the funeral director to see to it that the visitation was carried out to your satisfaction. And, embarrassed and grieving as you were, you should have approached the funeral director and asked that the former wife's performance be "canceled" as soon as it began.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has always been a little bit controlling, but he has never mentally or physically abused me before. We have a relationship that works for us.

I was raised in the South to believe that the woman stays home and cooks and cleans. I enjoy being his "li'l woman." I am pregnant with our second child.

The problem is, my husband is starting to drink more and more. When he drinks, he becomes angry. The other night while he was drinking, he hit me for the first time. He apologized the next day, but I am now scared of what he might do the next time he drinks. I have suggested counseling. He says he will think about it. -- WORRIED IN ROCHESTER, MINN.

DEAR WORRIED: Your husband's drinking has reached the point where it's time the both of you admitted he has a serious problem. For a man to hit a woman is a disgusting sign of weakness; for a husband to hit his pregnant wife is beyond the pale. If you do not draw the line now, your husband could seriously injure you and/or the baby when (not "if") he does it again.

Tell him that the first time he hit you was also the last, and if the marriage is to continue, he must get help for his drinking immediately -- not just "think about it." And while you're at it, inform him that the next time he raises a hand to you, you will call the police and have him thrown in jail. If you fail to act now, this is only the beginning of your problems.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: One Sunday, our two elderly dogs (14 and 15) were outside in the yard when a sudden rainstorm came up. One of the dogs ran inside, but the other, "Windom," didn't. We assumed he had taken refuge in the doghouse or under the porch. We live in a rural area and the dogs rarely leave the yard, so when Windom still hadn't come to the door a half-hour later, we began looking for him.

On foot and by car, my husband and I, along with our teenaged son who has a handicap, searched a two-mile radius. No luck. The next day we resumed our search, this time combing the wooded area around our house. Still no luck. On Tuesday, fearing the worst, we continued to look -- checking the ditches up and down the roads. By Thursday, we no longer expected to find him alive.

The following Sunday, one week from the day Windom disappeared, I got up early as usual and went to Mass. I prayed our beloved Windom had not suffered. Although I had accepted the fact he was dead, I still prayed for an answer. All I wanted was to find him and bury him.

After church, I was sitting at the breakfast table with our son when the phone rang. The caller said he had found our dog! My husband was in the shower, and I began running around like a chicken with my head cut off -- grabbing my keys and dashing for the door. Our son hollered the good news to his dad, who of course wanted to come with us. We all hopped into our pickup and headed for the address the man had given.

Only God knows what happened in that week Windom was gone. Somehow he had traveled from our rural home to a busy main road 6 miles away. When Windom left our yard, he was a 65-pound, long-haired mixed breed. After his excursion, he had lost 18 pounds and was an exhausted, dehydrated mess. His hair was so matted and thick with burrs, I had to take him to a groomer and have him shaved. On his first day home, all he wanted to do was sleep and drink water.

Abby, in all the excitement, we failed to get that kind person's name. However, we want him to know how grateful we are that he took the time to stop on that busy road to help a lost dog find his family. We'll remember him always in our prayers. -- ROBERTA JONES, FORESTVILLE, N.Y.

DEAR ROBERTA: While you're at it, you should thank God your dog was wearing current identification and didn't lose his collar. Your experience should serve as an important reminder to pet owners everywhere.

DEAR ABBY: I am a college student who is doing fairly well in school. I'm a good person who is on the right road to success. So why am I always falling for the wrong guys?

I get out of these bad relationships in time, but then I'm left with the pain and hurt they've given me. I can't seem to forgive myself for being so gullible, and this causes me to treat men -- even the good ones -- like they're all bad. What do you suggest I do, Abby? -- GULLIBLE SWEETHEART IN MACON, GA.

DEAR SWEETHEART: First of all, I recommend a "time-out" from men, during which you review those qualities that make your heart beat faster. Then ask yourself if you are holding men to higher standards than you would like to be judged. Too many women make the mistake of judging men by their looks, their athletic ability or their wallets -- and entirely overlook kind, sincere, intelligent and sensitive men who would make excellent "catches."

Having been beaten up emotionally time after time, no one can blame you for keeping your defenses up. However, not all men are abusive, self-involved, dishonest users -- and the price you pay for keeping up your guard can be walling yourself off emotionally. Remember, dating is a learning experience. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Hanukkah begins at sundown. I would like to wish a happy festival of lights to one and all!

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)