DEAR ABBY: My older sister decided to join the Army before going to college. We didn't get along, and I was glad to see her go -- especially since it meant that I'd have a room of my own after always having had to share with her. She was just sent to Iraq.

Now I realize that I really love my sister, and I'm worried sick about her. I also feel really guilty about being happy about her leaving. Having my own room isn't all that great, and when I look at her side of the room and her empty bed, I wish we were still sharing a room and she was out of harm's way.

I want to write her and tell her how I feel and that I love her. But if I write her, I'm not sure how she'll react. I think about her and worry about her all the time. I tried to talk to my mom about how I feel, but she just blew me off and acted like she didn't believe me. Please tell me what I can do to deal with this. -- SAD SISTER IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SAD SISTER: Your mother is dealing with her own anxieties right now. Do not let another day go by without sitting down and writing that letter to your sister. Tell her exactly what you have told me. I am positive that not only will she be happy to hear from you, she will also be impressed by how much you have matured in such a short time. It's the only way to deal with what's bothering you.

DEAR ABBY: I was driving down the road the other day and noticed a young girl by the side of the road trying to put the chain back on her bike. As I drove past her, I slowed my car and then stopped and backed up to ask if she needed help. She said she almost had it on, so I drove away.

Then it occurred to me later that maybe, in this day and age, I shouldn't have done what I did. I love kids and would never harm a child, and I would never want a child stranded by the side of the road. But at the same time, I question if stopping was safe to do -- with kidnapping and child molestation in the news so often.

Is it OK for a young man (I am 33) to stop and help a child who may need it without someone thinking I am up to no good, and with kids being taught not to go near strangers in cars? -- UNSURE IN SEVERANCE, COLO.

DEAR UNSURE: You are a caring person, forced to choose between idealism and sad reality. You did the right thing by stopping to offer help and, when it was refused, by continuing on your way. However, because you felt the need to do more, you should have called roadside emergency services to let them know there was a stranded cyclist by the side of the road, so they could check to see if further assistance was needed.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter recently gave birth to a baby boy. We would like to establish a college fund in his name, but we have a dilemma. Our son-in-law has two children by a prior marriage. We have an excellent relationship with all of them and do not want to hurt anyone's feelings. However, my wife and I are retired and are not in a position to fund three programs. What do you suggest? -- PROUD GRANDPA IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR PROUD GRANDPA: You are a loving grandparent. Please do not feel awkward because you cannot be as generous as you would like. Talk to your CPA or your attorney and ask for referrals to financial planners whom they trust. When you find the right adviser, discuss your entire situation and ask for recommendations.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 35-year-old man, deeply and madly in love with a 36-year-old woman who has two kids. I'll call her Whitney. We would both like our relationship to lead to marriage and more kids, but something -- or rather someone -- has put a damper on things. Whitney has been talking to this other man (who she thinks is gay) for quite some time. A few weeks ago, he finally asked her out. She declined, but did not tell him she's involved with anyone else.

When we discussed it, and when I told Whitney he has crossed the line by asking her out, she argued that she is not attracted to him and he's gay, and then she accused me of not trusting her.

I am not a controlling person. I never minded her talking to him before he asked her out. But the fact that he did, and they talk to each other daily and she does nothing to avoid talking to him, makes me uncomfortable. It has shaken my trust in her. This has seriously affected our relationship, although she doesn't realize it.

I don't want to see Whitney get hurt by some guy who may be looking for just one thing. Does this look innocent to you? Can a gay man be attracted to a woman? And more important, can a woman be attracted to a gay man? - - CONFUSED IN LANCASTER, PA.

DEAR CONFUSED: Let me answer your questions in reverse order. Can a woman be attracted to a gay man? Absolutely! I can think of quite a few "out" gay men whom women find attractive. Among them are Rupert Everett, George Michael, Lance Bass, Richard Chamberlain and Neil Patrick Harris.

And gay men can be attracted to -- and have a lot in common with -- women. I know that firsthand. But the attraction has everything to do with common interests, a similar sense of humor and a mutual understanding. It is not sexual. As a good (gay) friend once told me, "Never try to change a queen. It won't work."

Although you say you are not a controlling person, you appear to be insecure in your relationship with Whitney. For heaven's sake, your lady friend has not tried to hide anything from you. She has told you she talks to this man, and how often, and what she has and has not told him. Even if she had a ring on her finger, she has a right to spend time with whomever she wishes.

So calm down and let this play out. The "one thing" he may be looking for may be friendship, and it's something that eventually you could offer him, too.

DEAR ABBY: My teenage daughters went to a birthday party for a friend. It was a slumber party, and on the spur of the moment, one of the girls suggested they play "strip poker." Abby, the host girl's mother not only allowed it, but actually joined the game! The mother is a single parent, and only females were present in the home.

The girls found the game great fun and plan on doing it in the future at slumber parties. I told them that I do not feel this was appropriate, but they reminded me that I have always told them there was no reason to be shy about their bodies with other girls, so I was stumped to explain why I disapprove. I am still not comfortable with the idea of such an activity. Please tell me what you think. -- APPALLED IN CARMICHAEL, CALIF.

DEAR APPALLED: I see no harm in a group of young women playing strip poker at an all-girl slumber party. However, for the host girl's mother to abdicate her role as a parent in an attempt to act like their contemporary was, in my opinion, a lapse of judgment. Tempting as it may have been for this single mother to try to be "one of the girls," she should have refrained because she's not one of the peers.

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DEAR ABBY: I have an unusual problem that I'm not sure how to handle. As a man in my late 20s, I still consider myself quite young. I dated a bit before getting married and enjoyed kissing. My wife, however, does not seem to enjoy it -- or perhaps isn't that "skilled," I'm not sure which.

I feel like one of my needs isn't being met. We have been married almost three years. I have tried talking with her about it, but it always seems to come off like I'm comparing her "abilities" to my past girlfriends' -- and that's not what I intend at all. I honestly don't think this is a question of technique, but rather of effort. This hasn't caused any major arguments or anything yet, but it is something I find seriously lacking. Any ideas? -- MISSING THE KISSING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISSING THE KISSING: You may "honestly not think it's a question of technique, but rather of effort" -- but I'm not entirely sure I agree. Not all people are equally talented at kissing, so my suggestion to you is to demonstrate the kind of kisses you would like to be able to share with her. And when you do, do not mention your past or any other woman -- just what kind of kisses make you feel the most loved and cherished. If your wife loves you, and your breath isn't a turn-off, I'm sure she'll cooperate.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Trey," and I have been married a year and a half. Most of the time I am very happy. I say that because we do argue sometimes, which is normal.

Trey gets upset with me when I ask questions about the ex-lover he had before me. (I ask him about his intimacy with her and how she was.) I often ask these questions out of the blue. I just want to know because I become jealous.

I never had a man in my life before. My husband was my first man ever, but I don't feel that "special" anymore because his ex was a virgin, too, and gave him her all as I did on our wedding night. I just don't feel like I gave him anything that special when someone before me already did. In other words, I wanted to be the first virgin he ever had. How can I get past this? -- UNSATISFIED IN SPRINGFIELD, VA.

DEAR UNSATISFIED: You gave your husband the one gift that nobody else could ever give him: You gave him yourself on your wedding night. Please be satisfied with that, and stop obsessing.

What you are looking for isn't information about another woman; it's really confirmation about your husband's feelings about you. Because you need reassurance, that is what you should be asking your husband for -- not information about a woman who wasn't able to earn his love regardless of how much she gave him.

DEAR ABBY: Friends of mine received an invitation to a holiday party that I have attended for the last few years, but I did not get an invitation this year. The same thing happened last year. When I mentioned it to the hosts, they said it was an oversight and to attend the party anyway.

My friend who got an invitation said he can't make it, so I should attend in his place. Is this proper protocol? What should I do? -- UNDECIDED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR UNDECIDED: Under no circumstances should you attend the party in your friend's place. You were not invited to the gathering and do not belong there. My advice is to make plans for the evening, go out and enjoy yourself with other friends. (And I sincerely hope you take it!)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)