DEAR ABBY: This may seem like a trivial matter, but as the holidays approach, I know printing this letter will help people in the fast-growing technical support industry, as well as the people depending on them.

When folks purchase large appliances and electronics this holiday season and need to call for help getting them set up or repaired, it's important that they remember to have a few things handy to make the process go faster for all concerned.

Always have the model number, serial number and sales slip handy. Also, please remember that the people on the other end of the line are doing everything they can to get things working. Foul language, raised voices and threats against tech support won't get anything done faster.

So before calling, take a deep breath, be certain that you're calm enough to deal with someone on the other end of the line, and make sure to follow his or her directions. And remember, sometimes the solutions take time. Tech support professionals have to follow company policies, just like everyone else. -- DOING ALL SHE CAN IN WATERTOWN, N.Y.

DEAR DOING ALL SHE CAN: Those all are sensible suggestions. I know firsthand that having the model number, serial number and sales slip can hasten the time it takes to schedule a service call. And it goes without saying that customers will get more cooperation if they don't abuse the customer service personnel. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two boys, 12 and 13. They have had computer training at school for years, but my husband and I are computer illiterate.

We gave the boys a computer for their birthday, and now they are locked in their bedroom for hours. People tell me they can't be watching pornography without a credit card, but I am having trouble believing that.

We have no public space in our home we can move the computer into. What, if anything, should we do? -- WORRIED MOM IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR WORRIED MOM: Most houses and apartments have a living room or eating area. Put an end to your boys using the computer while locked in their room. The computer should be moved out into the open. If that's not possible, then insist that the door be kept open, and remove the lock if they refuse to comply.

Also, it's time you and your husband checked into evening classes for adults at your local high school so you can learn the basics about computers. They have become far easier to use than in years past, and you should at least be able to check the computer "history" to see where your young explorers have been spending their time. It's a matter of asserting your parental authority, so please start doing it now. It's really no different than knowing what they're doing at the mall.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for six years, and the only problem I have with him is that he lies about meeting other women on sex sites. The problem with this is that he is looking for someone in our hometown for discreet sex.

I have confronted him and told him how it makes me feel, but he still does it and finds other sites to go on. What am I to do? -- SAD IN SALISBURY, MD.

DEAR SAD: End the romance. Your "boyfriend's" actions indicate that he is unwilling or unable to remain faithful to you. It's time to find a man who wants what you want out of a relationship.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have made a terrible mess. A couple of months ago, I had lunch with one of my father-in-law's girlfriends. He was dating several women at the same time without their knowing about the others.

During the eight years that I have known "Frank," he has been a selfish, womanizing, manipulative, controlling user. Nor does he have a good relationship with any of his kids, including his youngest son, who happens to be my husband.

During this lunch, I foolishly confided my true feelings about Frank to the girlfriend. I mistakenly thought she would keep it between us. Wrong!

Six weeks later they were married and, during an argument, she blurted out everything I had said about him. Needless to say, I am very embarrassed and would like to crawl into a hole. What can I do to repair this mess? I could really use your input. -- EMBARRASSED IN BOCA RATON

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Consider your options, and I'm sure you'll agree that the less said about this, the better. The alternative would be to say, "Dad, I owe you an apology. I'm sorry I called you a selfish, womanizing, manipulative, controlling user -- even if it's true." And in the future, do not confide in your new mother-in-law now that you know she "leaks."

DEAR ABBY: Please share this lifesaving information with as many people as you can. A person who has a stroke may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms.

A bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

1. Ask the individual to smile.

2. Ask the person to raise both arms.

3. Ask him or her to speak a simple sentence.

If the person has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately.

After my friend Sherry saw her friend Suzie stumble, she asked her the three questions and Suzie failed all three, so Sherry called 9-1-1. Even though Suzie had normal blood pressure readings, did not appear to be having a stroke, and could -- to some extent -- converse with the paramedics, she HAD suffered a massive stroke.

The good news is, thanks to the quick diagnosis and medical treatment, Suzie is recovering at a remarkable pace. -- CATHY IN SAN LUIS OBISPO, CALIF.

DEAR CATHY: I'm relieved your story has a happy ending, and that your friend Sherry was informed enough to summon medical assistance right away. Thank you for sharing these important tips. I'm sure everyone who reads your letter will be grateful that you took the time to write.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl. I have a brother who is 14. He comes into my room when I'm asleep and tries to have sex with me. This has been going on ever since we moved here. I have also been cutting myself and wanting to die since the move. I am starting to get scared of my brother.

I want to go to my parents, but they don't really care much about me. What should I do? -- TERRIFIED IN TWIN FALLS, IDAHO

DEAR TERRIFIED: You have a right to be able to sleep through the night without worrying about someone trying to rape you. If you are unable to discuss this with your parents, then I urge you to confide in a trusted teacher at school about it -- ALL of it -- or your clergyperson. Either one can see that you get the help you need. Please trust me and do it now.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 35 and have been dating "Julie," a 38-year-old woman, for nearly a year. Drinking is a pleasure we both enjoy, but sometimes Julie goes overboard, and it creates a strain on our relationship.

A few weeks ago, we got thrown out of a rock concert because she forced her way to the front of the stage in a wild, drunken state -- to the chagrin of other concertgoers. Security threatened to carry her out if we didn't exit the premises at once.

The tickets cost me $300, and I'm angry we were asked to leave because of her lack of consideration. I love Julie a lot and don't want to ask her to stop drinking because that would be hypocritical. But at the same time I feel she should control herself and drink responsibly. What should I do? -- ANGRY IN L.A.

DEAR ANGRY: Julie wasn't asked to leave because of "lack of consideration." She was ejected because she was so drunk she was out of control and bothering the other attendees. (And at a rock concert, that's quite a feat.)

It's time to face the fact that your lady has a drinking problem. Of course, she needs help for it. (Alcoholics Anonymous would be an excellent place to start. It's listed in your local phone book.) Please give her a push in the right direction, and while you're at it, consider curbing your own drinking so it won't encourage her to continue.

DEAR ABBY: I have seen so many letters in your column regarding people who are concerned about children in weddings. My sister insisted on having a 3-year-old as her flower girl, so I quickly came up with a "bored child" safeguard.

While the little girl stood next to me during the rehearsal, I crouched down and showed her where her mommy would be sitting -- in the front row on the end. (We'd put her there for this reason.) I then told her that if she got tired or bored, it was OK to walk over to her mommy.

Sure enough, halfway through the ceremony our little doll was bored. So she quietly turned and walked to her mother and sat and worked in her coloring book (crayons were at the ready). After a while, she wanted to be part of things again, so she walked back and stood next to me again, and I gave her a little hug. It was a complete success -- there was no disruption. -- MAID OF HONOR, MILAN, MICH.

DEAR MAID OF HONOR: Congratulations. You planned ahead for a method of dealing with the child's short attention span before it created a problem. Your clever "insurance" paid off. And that same planning should be done when small children are included at dinners in restaurants so they are occupied and out of harm's way.

DEAR ABBY: How do I get a person to stop regifting me? Often it's her used clothes, used decor and knickknacks that she no longer wants. This person can afford nice things, which is why she thinks I would like her old stuff. I find it insulting when I get it in the form of a gift. It is always wrapped beautifully and presented as though I should be so grateful.

I might also add that this person will never keep a gift she receives if it's not exactly what she wants or matches her decor. How do I tactfully get this to stop? -- SECONDHAND ROSE

DEAR ROSE: If I selected a gift for someone and she didn't keep it -- or exchanged it -- I would give it one more try. If it happened again, from then on I would send a lovely card to mark the occasion, or a bouquet or plant. And if I was really ticked off, I would regift her gift back to HER.

P.S. Another thought: When you open her regift, smile and say, "Oh, honey. I can't keep this. You're too generous -- and it looked too nice on your shelf."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)