DEAR ABBY: I am 35 and have been dating "Julie," a 38-year-old woman, for nearly a year. Drinking is a pleasure we both enjoy, but sometimes Julie goes overboard, and it creates a strain on our relationship.

A few weeks ago, we got thrown out of a rock concert because she forced her way to the front of the stage in a wild, drunken state -- to the chagrin of other concertgoers. Security threatened to carry her out if we didn't exit the premises at once.

The tickets cost me $300, and I'm angry we were asked to leave because of her lack of consideration. I love Julie a lot and don't want to ask her to stop drinking because that would be hypocritical. But at the same time I feel she should control herself and drink responsibly. What should I do? -- ANGRY IN L.A.

DEAR ANGRY: Julie wasn't asked to leave because of "lack of consideration." She was ejected because she was so drunk she was out of control and bothering the other attendees. (And at a rock concert, that's quite a feat.)

It's time to face the fact that your lady has a drinking problem. Of course, she needs help for it. (Alcoholics Anonymous would be an excellent place to start. It's listed in your local phone book.) Please give her a push in the right direction, and while you're at it, consider curbing your own drinking so it won't encourage her to continue.

DEAR ABBY: I have seen so many letters in your column regarding people who are concerned about children in weddings. My sister insisted on having a 3-year-old as her flower girl, so I quickly came up with a "bored child" safeguard.

While the little girl stood next to me during the rehearsal, I crouched down and showed her where her mommy would be sitting -- in the front row on the end. (We'd put her there for this reason.) I then told her that if she got tired or bored, it was OK to walk over to her mommy.

Sure enough, halfway through the ceremony our little doll was bored. So she quietly turned and walked to her mother and sat and worked in her coloring book (crayons were at the ready). After a while, she wanted to be part of things again, so she walked back and stood next to me again, and I gave her a little hug. It was a complete success -- there was no disruption. -- MAID OF HONOR, MILAN, MICH.

DEAR MAID OF HONOR: Congratulations. You planned ahead for a method of dealing with the child's short attention span before it created a problem. Your clever "insurance" paid off. And that same planning should be done when small children are included at dinners in restaurants so they are occupied and out of harm's way.

DEAR ABBY: How do I get a person to stop regifting me? Often it's her used clothes, used decor and knickknacks that she no longer wants. This person can afford nice things, which is why she thinks I would like her old stuff. I find it insulting when I get it in the form of a gift. It is always wrapped beautifully and presented as though I should be so grateful.

I might also add that this person will never keep a gift she receives if it's not exactly what she wants or matches her decor. How do I tactfully get this to stop? -- SECONDHAND ROSE

DEAR ROSE: If I selected a gift for someone and she didn't keep it -- or exchanged it -- I would give it one more try. If it happened again, from then on I would send a lovely card to mark the occasion, or a bouquet or plant. And if I was really ticked off, I would regift her gift back to HER.

P.S. Another thought: When you open her regift, smile and say, "Oh, honey. I can't keep this. You're too generous -- and it looked too nice on your shelf."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Karen," who was once married to "Zack." They divorced and went their separate ways, but nine years later they are back together. I am almost certain they have not remarried, although Karen uses his last name and refers to him as her husband.

Abby, Zack is a compulsive womanizer, always on the lookout for a sexual encounter. Karen doesn't talk about it and pretends that everything is great with her and her "marriage." We all pretend along with her, although picking up strange women for sex is dangerous in many ways.

I live on the coast, and a few weeks ago I drove south to a resort city to spend the weekend with a friend. As we sat in a restaurant, I noticed Zack leaving. (I don't believe he saw me.) I mentioned to my friend and an acquaintance of hers who was sitting with us that I knew the man who was walking out. The acquaintance laughed and said most of the women in the area knew him. It seems he owns a condo there and has attracted some attention because of his behavior. I said I knew about his womanizing. She replied, "Yes, but are you aware that he picks up men as well?" I was stunned.

The person who gave me the information seemed sure of what she was saying, and gave me enough details to convince me that Zack is picking up men for sex as casually as he does women. I am afraid he is exposing Karen to HIV, and I'm almost positive that she doesn't know about his attraction to men.

Should I go to Karen and tell her about this? I'm afraid of losing her friendship if I say anything, but if I don't and something terrible happens, I don't think I could forgive myself. Please advise. -- BITING MY TONGUE IN N. CAROLINA

DEAR BITING: Although I do not endorse repeating gossip, a case such as the one you have described is an exception. Your friend should be told immediately about your visit to the nearby city, that you saw the man she calls her husband there, and what you were told. She should also be advised to see her doctor and be tested for every sexually transmitted disease there is a test for -- if she hasn't done so already.

Please make clear that although you were worried about losing her friendship if you came to her about this, you were more worried about her welfare. What happens after that is her decision, and your conscience will be clear.

DEAR ABBY: I have two teenage stepsons living with me and their mother. The older boy, "Jake," who is 16, wants his mother to take him and his brother out once a week or so to be alone with her, while excluding me and my daughter. Jake is very shy and an introvert. I feel that this is contrary to the common good and will promote a lack of trust in the home.

However, I love my girlfriend very much and will do anything to keep her happy. Am I wrong for feeling betrayed over this? -- STEPFATHER IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR "STEPFATHER": Unless I have missed something in your letter, you and the boys' mother are not married -- which makes you a caring live-in, but not a spouse or stepdad. I do not regard Jake's wanting alone time with his mother as any threat to you. As a matter of fact, it might be a good idea for you to schedule private time with your daughter while the boys are with their mother. This is not a betrayal or rejection of you, and you should not feel insecure about it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Worried Sister" (10/4), who asked if she should inform her parents that her sister, "Cindy," is playing the choking game, may feel it is a betrayal if she breaks the confidence. But imagine how she'll feel if her sister dies.

I'm a high school English teacher, and one of my students accidentally killed himself this way. It is a misnomer to call it a "game." You were correct, Abby -- it is playing Russian roulette with one's life.

"Worried Sister" must intervene and alert her parents now. Cindy's addiction to the high produced through oxygen deprivation may indicate an addictive personality, something therapy can help. I watched one of my dearest friends repeatedly play the "game" when we were in seventh grade. As he grew older, he progressed to greater highs -- ultimately resulting in his death from a heroin overdose. -- PAMELA IN GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR PAMELA: You are obviously a caring and dedicated teacher, and you were generous to offer your expertise. The mail I received in response to "Worried Sister's" letter was chilling. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I work with people with brain injuries. Each and every time "Cindy" chokes herself, she's causing brain damage, and it's only a matter of time until she's a client of mine.

Signs of her brain damage will start out with gaps in memory, short-term memory loss, slurred speech and sudden outbursts of anger. The more advanced stages of brain damage include disorientation, loss of coordination and balance, and seizures.

People who choke themselves to get high should visit the nursing homes in their area, as one of them will someday wind up in one. I speak from experience. I care for many people who said it would never happen to them. This is serious. That girl needs help, and she needs it now. -- ED IN SNOHOMISH, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my 13-year-old son to the "choking game." It's NOT a game. "Worried's" sister can only be mad at her for so long. Please urge her to talk to her parents. It's the only way to save her sister. If she waits, it could be too late. -- MOM WITHOUT A SON IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: As a school counselor, I can confirm the widespread familiarity of kids 9 to 15 years old with this "game" and how often parents and other adults are clueless. (I was.) After an 11-year-old died at a nearby school, I polled several middle and elementary school classes to see if they had tried it or knew somebody who had. The percentage was 75 percent! It doesn't receive the news coverage it should because medical examiners often mistake it for suicide. Knowing about it is the key to stopping it. -- CONCERNED COUNSELOR IN OREGON

DEAR ABBY: I teach in an elementary school. One of our students died from playing the choking game. Children as young as 6 and 7 have told me they know what to do. We warn students never to put anything around their necks, and talk about "safe" games they can play. We also encourage them to tell an adult if they know someone who is playing the game. Sadly, we didn't learn that children were doing it here until it was too late. -- AMY IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: My grandson, "Braden," died from participating in this activity in May 2005. Since then, a nonprofit organization, Stop the Choking Game Association, has been formed to promote education about this dreadful activity. Many parents know nothing about it. Thank you for publishing that letter. -- LYNDI T., BRADEN'S GRANDMOTHER

DEAR LYNDI T.: You're welcome. My heart goes out to all those who have lost loved ones to this "game." For more information about it, visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.stop-the-choking-game.com" ��www.stop-the-choking-game.com�.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)