DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old female who has been in numerous relationships in the past. All ended with my being unfaithful or having an overwhelming desire to be. I can't seem to maintain a relationship for more than a short period of time due to this.

I recently sat down and admitted to myself that I am practicing sexually destructive behavior. I know what I'm doing is just plain crazy, but I can't seem to stop. I did some research on sexual addiction and have considered attending meetings to help me get this under control.

The problem is, I told a (male) friend of mine about my problem. It was someone I care about and had a previous relationship with. I was shocked by his response. He said maybe my problem is I've been trying to stifle my desires and I should explore them more -- by attending sex parties with him! Was that an appropriate response? Frankly, it took me aback. I don't know who else to ask about this, as I have not confided in anyone else. Should I cut him out of my life or forgive his ignorance? -- LOST IN TEXAS

DEAR LOST: Cross this "friend" off your list immediately. Instead of supporting you, he is attempting to take advantage of your illness. You had it right the first time. Joining a group that will help you to overcome your compulsion will be a giant step toward healing. Please don't wait, and don't look back!

DEAR ABBY: I am 46 and the mother of two adult children, ages 27 and 29. I am on disability because of multiple sclerosis (MS). I am doing well, but I'm weak and tire easily, and it's important that I avoid stress. Both my parents died within the last five years.

My kids know I inherited money from my parents, and they throw it in my face when I don't pay for things for them. My married daughter believes it is my responsibility to provide money for her to go to college. She has been very nasty to me, including vicious name-calling and screaming. Each phone call ends in a request for money. Now she's refusing me access to my grandkids, and even drove to my house to rip their picture from my walls.

Abby, I have been on disability for several years. I need the money to take care of me. What do you think about adult children who hate me for inheriting? I have no intention of giving into the strong-arm tactics of a married woman. -- HURT IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR HURT: Good! Because you shouldn't. Neither of your children has a "right" to a penny of your money -- particularly in light of the fact that you need it for your own support. As to your daughter's outrageous behavior, has she always behaved like this? If so, remember this is the core of her personality. Giving her money won't change it.

DEAR ABBY: This is the first time I have ever written you, but I'd like your opinion about something. Do you think that good and moral qualities in a person are taught, instilled, or just come naturally to people? I'm talking about things like honesty, optimism, sincerity, tidiness, consideration, charity, fairness, etc. -- CURIOUS IN TEHACHAPI, CALIF.

DEAR CURIOUS: I believe the qualities you mentioned are taught, modeled by parents who set examples for their children to follow. And they are instilled when a child is very young.

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DEAR READERS: On Thursday, Aug. 24, I printed a letter from "Going Crazy in San Diego," the 26-year-old wife of a member of the military. In it she stated that she had never wanted children, had failed to bond with her baby girl, and that her husband refused to allow her to be placed for adoption -- although he "couldn't stand" the baby, either.

She said that she was afraid she might hurt her infant. Her letter was handwritten on ruled binder paper, with no contact information such as name, address or phone number.

If that young woman is reading today's Dear Abby column, please write me again at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or www.DearAbby.com. Please give me a number where I can reach you, and trust me enough to let me help you. Your confidence will not be violated.

Through the entire history of Dear Abby, including the many years I worked beside my mother, we have never received offers of help from our readers like those generated by this young woman's letter. Readers, your outpouring of love and concern has been overwhelming. I have received letters and e-mails from men and women nationwide saying this young mother's predicament brought them to tears.

Childless couples and women wanting to expand their families have described their "arms aching" to adopt this child and give her the loving home she deserves. Women in the San Diego area have volunteered to provide respite care, baby-sitting services and emotional support.

William Fenton, chief of clinical services of the Fleet and Family Support Center in San Diego, wrote to say that help is available from the New Parent Support Team, which provides in-home assistance and counseling in many areas. These services are free and can be accessed by contacting the FFSC at the nearest naval base.

Navy families can also get assistance by contacting their sailor's command ombudsman or by contacting Military One Source at 1-800-342-9647 -- 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

I also heard from Tracey L. Jones, the team leader for the Navy New Parent Support Home Visitation Program in San Diego. She asked me to let "Going Crazy" know that her staff and colleagues have a unique understanding of the stresses that come with military life and that they will make every effort to help her and her husband. Tracey can be reached at (619) 556-8825 and tracey.l.jones@navy.mil.

What struck me the most about this young woman's letter is how completely isolated she feels. Motherhood can be a challenge, even when the baby is wanted. Overwhelmingly, my readers have asked me to convey to her that help is available if she only reaches out for it.

Many communities have emergency nurseries for parents in crisis. A new mother who feels she has reached the breaking point should contact her clergyperson or child protective services.

Many states, including California, allow a newborn to be left at a fire station, hospital or police station if he or she is in danger -- or if the mother is a danger to herself.

I want to thank the many thousands of my readers who wrote to me with offers to help for "Going Crazy." You are the most warm-hearted friends I could wish for. If the young woman in San Diego contacts me again, I promise to let you know. -- LOVE, ABBY

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DEAR ABBY: My son "Darren" is 13 and has been obese for several years. I have tried many ways to help him lose weight. He was recently diagnosed with sleep apnea and uses a CPAP machine at night to help him breathe. Darren's doctors have told me it's extremely important that our whole family be included in lifestyle and diet changes in order to help our son.

My husband, Harry, however, refuses to be involved. He continues to bring home junk food and eat it in front of Darren and me. My son and I are going to an informational meeting about yet another program. I asked Harry to come with us. His answer was, "Why should I pay someone to tell me something I already know?" along with complaints about how hard he works and how he just wants to come home and not attend another meeting.

Harry says he supports us, but he doesn't give us any real, meaningful support. Actions speak louder than words. This has been going on for too long. I'm tired of his arrogance and denial concerning Darren's health. I have told Harry this and suggested counseling -- but he just blows me off. Any suggestions? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT: Go ahead with the counseling without your husband. You are not the person caught in the middle here; your son is. His physical problems are life-threatening and he needs all the support he can get. Obesity is a family problem, and you and Darren need to understand why his father is deliberately sabotaging him.

It takes real effort to learn to make healthy food choices, prepare it in ways that may be different from how you learned to cook, and to present it in a way that is appealing. If your husband insists on bringing home junk food, you can't stop him. But he should not be allowed to eat it in front of you and your son. In order to accomplish what you must, you may need assertiveness training. And that's where the counselor comes in. Please don't wait. Start NOW.

DEAR ABBY: I ended a relationship with "Bill" after I discovered evidence that he was also sleeping with another woman. I later learned that Bill had had multiple relationships while he was with me. I also found out that almost everything he'd told me about his life was a half-truth.

As part of a healing process, I apologized to Bill's ex-wife, "Donna," for any pain my relationship with him had caused her. She was generous and reached out to assure me I had been the victim of a diagnosed sexual psychopath. Donna told me she had discovered 17 victims during her marriage to Bill. Through therapy, she learned he was expert at taking control of women by making them at first feel needed, and later unstable when his facade began to crack. It took Donna 25 years to gain the courage to file for divorce against him.

During my relationship with Bill, I transformed from a confident professional woman to someone who doubted all of her decisions. I'm happy to be rid of him, but I have learned that he has recently gotten engaged.

I feel I should warn his new victim. She's a good woman, and I know she thinks he's a wonderful person. Friends and family tell me to keep silent because she won't believe me and I should not put myself at risk. Some guidance, please. -- NO LONGER A VICTIM IN NEW YORK

DEAR NO LONGER A VICTIM: Your family has a point. The woman may not want to hear, nor want to believe, what you are trying to convey. However, you, Bill's ex-wife, and as many of the women he has taken advantage of as the two of you can gather should arrange a get-together and let her know what she's in for. After that, to paraphrase Dorothy Parker, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make her think."

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