DEAR ABBY: My sister had a childhood friend, "Denise," with whom she was very close in elementary school. They were friends only intermittently as they grew older, and Denise started getting into all kinds of trouble. When they were in college, my sister house-sat for my parents while they were on vacation, and Denise stayed with her. While she was there, she stole some expensive jewelry from my mother.

Although the family never confronted Denise about it, it was obvious that she took the jewelry, and my sister did not remain in contact with her after that.

My sister is now 40 and expecting her first child. I have offered to throw a shower for her.

A couple of years ago, Denise got in touch with my sister and they became friends again. I don't know much about her last 20 years, other than that she spent time in jail and is now a single mother to a teenage son and works for a non-profit agency.

Given her history with the family, I definitely do not want to invite Denise into my home for the shower, and my mother is adamant that she will not attend the shower if Denise is there. My sister wants to invite Denise because they are friends again, and she doesn't know how to tell her that she isn't invited. What do we do? -- "LORETTA" IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR "LORETTA": If your sister is not already aware of your feelings and your mother's, she should be enlightened. If she still wishes to invite Denise to her baby shower, then it will have to be held somewhere other than your home -- and your mother will not be there.

However, considering the circumstances, I think it's time your sister grew a backbone and explained to Denise that the theft left lasting hard feelings with the family -- which are understandable -- so she should not expect to be included at any family functions that include your mother.

DEAR ABBY: One of my closest friends, "Louise," has informed me that her husband just moved out and is requesting a divorce. She is hoping to repair the marriage. She has not given me a reason why, nor have I asked. I am trying to be a good friend and be supportive.

My problem is, on a recent trip to visit my grandmother in a nearby city, I saw Louise's husband being very cozy and affectionate with a very pregnant woman. Louise was never able to have children, so this will come as a big blow to her. She has also started drinking a great deal, and is having all sorts of people at home for parties. This is not typical behavior for her, but I understand why she's doing it.

Louise lives a financially secure life because of her husband's income. He is already asking about how to liquefy the assets, and she is in denial. I don't know if I should tell her about the pregnant woman or express my concerns about her drinking. I feel she needs to wake up and smell the coffee and start securing her assets. What should I do? -- WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIEND

DEAR WORRIED: Your friend may already know about the woman and the baby, but on the chance that she doesn't, she should be told what you saw. And because you are concerned about her drinking, you should express that, too.

There are difficult times ahead for your friend. She's going to need her wits about her -- not be addled or living in a fantasy world. She's going to need legal advice and, of course, all of the emotional support her friends can give her.

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DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my husband and I had to go back to our home state for a family funeral. We have been married more than 25 years. While we were there, his ex-wife came to his father's home (we were staying there), and later to the visitation and funeral. She and I seemed to hit it off well.

On the way home, my hubby told me she waited until I left the room, then kissed him on the cheek in front of the whole family and told him she still loves him. That's not all. I asked him if, for one minute, he was sorry he had married me. He said, and I quote, "No, but if I had known she still loved me, I would have never remarried." I was crushed.

After we got home he told me he would not leave me for her, but if I should die before him, he would be knocking on her door. That also hurt.

Abby, she hadn't seen him or anyone else in the family for 25 years! Why would she even show up at the funeral if not for wanting to see if she could get back with him? I can't seem to get over the feeling that my husband never was really in love with me -- that maybe he just married me so he would not be alone. What should I do? Should I even bring this subject up to him again? It has been five months and I am ... BROKENHEARTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Your husband appears to lack sensitivity, good judgment and empathy for the feelings of others. He also appears to lack common sense, if he expected you would not take his comments personally.

I don't think raising the subject would get you the result you are looking for. But my advice is not to obsess about this. It's water under the bridge, and possession is nine points of the law. Besides, women have a longer life expectancy than men, so the odds are in your favor.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter you printed from "Wondering," whose parents don't want her to attend the same college as her brother. I think her parents should allow her to go to the same college. She will have completely different experiences than her brother -- joining different clubs, playing different sports. If her major is different, she won't even have the same classes that he does. Her college life will be entirely different because each person gets out of the experience what he or she puts into it.

Also, I do not understand her parents' statement that she look elsewhere because she has "followed her brother" through school. If they lived in the same house, then they would've attended the same schools in their district. -- PAULA IN WENONAH, N.J.

DEAR PAULA: I told "Wondering" that her parents appeared to be intelligent people, sensitive to the needs of both of their offspring, and that having a college experience entirely on her own could be a growth opportunity for her.

My reasoning was as follows: The parents know her and her brother well, their personalities, their strengths and their weaknesses. It is possible that the son has always been a "big man on campus," and "Wondering" has coasted along in his reflected glory. Or, if the reverse is true -- and the girl has always outshone her brother -- then the young man should not have to be overshadowed once again by his sibling at the same college.

That said, not one reader I heard from -- and I heard from quite a few -- agreed with my answer. Ouch!

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DEAR ABBY: There's a man in our community I'll call "Uncle Harry." Uncle Harry is in his mid-70s and considers himself one of the finest Christians in the area. Many of us, however, know this to be an exaggeration.

The main problem with Uncle Harry is his insistence on hugging almost all the women he comes in contact with. These "hugs" are not chaste, loose hugs about the shoulders. Uncle Harry insists on bear hugs, where he puts both arms around the woman and presses her breasts against his chest. Occasionally, his hands will also drift to the area of the buttocks.

Several women have complained, and family members have cautioned Uncle Harry about his behavior. He will stop temporarily, and then start up again in a few days. He has convinced himself that all these women want to hug him, but I have seen the expressions on the faces of some of his hug victims, and most are not at all happy. The women are hesitant to complain because Uncle Harry's wife IS one of the finest Christians in the area.

What can be done about Uncle Harry? I see him as a sexual predator, but he insists his hugs are just an example of his fine Christian fellowship. -- NO HUGS, PLEASE, IN ALABAMA

DEAR NO HUGS, PLEASE: Because the complaints have been ignored, a dose of aversion therapy might dampen the ardor of lecherous Uncle Harry. I recommend that the ladies who are offended by his behavior form a "united front." By this I mean, agree to put thumb tacks in your brassieres (facing outward, of course) when you know you'll be seeing him. I predict that if you do, he will hug you less enthusiastically from then on.

Seriously, any woman who objects to Uncle Harry's "hugs" needs to open her mouth and tell him so in no uncertain terms. Enough is enough.

DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old daughter has had the same "boyfriend" since preschool almost four years ago. They play together at recess, and "Eric" has always been invited to her birthday parties. His mother, "Geneva," and I have always gotten along well and joked about the little couple.

Recently, though, Geneva learned that her son has been hugging my daughter goodbye. I have no problem with this, as I see children hug babies and friends all the time. But she has now banned the children from playing together!

This causes problems because Eric often plays at his cousins' house, which is right next door to mine. When Geneva drops Eric off next door, the neighbors get the unpleasant job of telling my daughter she isn't welcome in their yard, where she has always played with their kids. And I get to try and explain to her why everything has changed.

Abby, Geneva will not return my phone calls, and I don't know how to make things right. Also, I fear that if a hug elicits this kind of reaction, her son may just be more intrigued with physical affection. Should I keep leaving messages on her answering machine, or drop it and write her off as a nasty woman? -- VEXED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR VEXED: I don't know what has sent Geneva off the deep end, but the fact that she has taken the leap doesn't make her "nasty" -- it makes her worried and overprotective. Something tells me more may be going on with her than you are aware of, and since you have left messages for her that haven't been returned, you should not harass her.

Explain to your daughter that Eric's mother felt her son was too young to have the serious kind of relationship she felt was developing between him and your daughter. It's the truth. And it's better than allowing her to think that because she's no longer welcome to play at the neighbor's, there is something wrong with her.

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