DEAR ABBY: My husband of two years and I are having a tough time raising my 12-year-old brother. My mother passed away two years ago, and he agreed to help me raise him until he's 18. Since my brother moved in with us, we've all had a hard time adjusting. I constantly feel I have to choose between them. My husband is tough with my brother because he says he has to become a man. I try to protect my brother, because the male influence in his life hasn't been the best.

What should I do? Should I let my husband discipline him as he wishes, or should I intervene? -- FRUSTRATED IN CASTLE ROCK, COLO.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I agree your brother will have to learn to become a man, but right now he is only a 12-year-old child who has lost his mother -– and whose father is apparently nowhere in sight. That you have taken him in is wonderful, but you and your husband need to come to an understanding and an agreement about what "discipline" means. In order for discipline to work, it must also be fair, nonviolent and consistent. Assuredly, you will have to set rules and boundaries for the boy. But you and your husband should seek family counseling to help you during this learning process of raising your brother.

DEAR ABBY: Four years ago, during my freshman year in college, I gave birth to a beautiful little boy. His father and I made the joint decision to place him for adoption. Thankfully, his adopted family keeps me involved with his life by sending me pictures and frequent updates. I have no regrets about my decision.

I am soon to be married to the most wonderful man on Earth. Recently, during our premarital counseling, the question came up concerning how we would tell our children about the son I had. After discussing this issue further, my fiance and I agreed that we would like our children to know about their half-brother from their earliest memory. Our problem is, we don't know how to tell them in a way that will not upset them, confuse them or scare them. Any suggestions? -- JESSICA IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR JESSICA: I do not agree that your children should be told "from their earliest memory" that they have a half-brother who was adopted by another family. It will be easier for them to understand when they are older, and you are talking with them about the facts of life and the consequences of unprotected sex. They need to be able to engage in a dialogue with you about it at a time when they can fully comprehend your honest answers. Please consider what I have said.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 36-year-old man who has been dating a 39-year-old widow for two years. Lately, I thought things were going well between us, but two nights ago she called me to say she is going out with another man.

I have invested my whole self into this relationship and have developed an emotional attachment to my girlfriend's children. I am crushed, despondent and beside myself with sadness. What can I do to feel happy again? -- GRIEVING IN MONTEBELLO, CALIF.

DEAR GRIEVING: I am sorry things didn't work out as you wished. However, not every dating relationship ends up at the altar –- and that is just the way life is.

The surest way I know to get over a broken romance is to distract yourself. Keep busy. Channel the time and energy you devoted to the relationship into activities that will help your church, your community, your career and/or sports so you don't have the time to brood about what "might have been." This works for both sexes.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and 3 1/2-year-old daughter love movies. I'm happy they have something in common to keep them close, but it's just not something I'm into. Most of the time, if they're watching a movie, the volume will go up to simulate a theater, which makes me nervous. So I do the polite thing -– I find something to do in another room. I am always courteous about it; I never flip out or am rude. I respect their love of movies.

So why do I feel guilty when my husband comes to me within five minutes of my leaving the room to make sure I'm OK? It's as if he's always afraid I'm angry. No amount of reassurance has helped him believe me. Any suggestions? -- CAN'T STAND THE NOISE, ONTARIO, CALIF.

DEAR CAN'T STAND THE NOISE: Perhaps you feel guilty because you don't make watching the movie "family time" you can enjoy together. Or maybe your husband feels guilty for turning up the volume when he knows you're sensitive to loud noises.

How about popping in some earplugs and enjoying the party? You might find you enjoy the experience not because of the movie, but because of their pleasure in having you there. Alternatively, consider suggesting another activity where you can all interact and converse with each other instead of just sitting and being entertained.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together eight years. I have left him twice because of his constant obsession with me. When he comes from work, if I am on the computer he gets angry and says I don't love him or want to spend time with him. He doesn't even like our children to be around if we are home.

I recently found out that one of the most important people in my life is going to die. When I told my husband I would be out of town at the doctor's with this person, my husband's first comment was, "I guess this means you aren't coming home tonight."

If I go away -– even overnight –- he calls or pages me nonstop, develops stomach aches, etc. Abby, we can be lying in bed with his hand touching mine, and if my nose itches and I move my hand to scratch it, I get, "Fine, then!"

I don't know what to do, but I can't keep on living like this. He always says he'll change, and for a little while he does. Then the cycle starts all over again. He has suffocated my love for him. But if I leave, he will tell the children (10 and 7) that it's all my fault and he wants to be a family. I don't know what to do. Do you think this relationship is salvageable? -- CAN'T BREATHE IN TEXAS

DEAR CAN'T BREATHE: Not unless your husband realizes that he has a serious problem and is willing to get professional help for his extreme self-centeredness and insecurity.

DEAR ABBY: I was widowed a little over a year ago when my darling wife died of cancer. Because my wife is now deceased, are her siblings technically still my brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law? They are wonderful people, and I still consider them to be part of my family. But are they? -- WONDERING IN PHOENIX

DEAR WONDERING: As long as your wife's sisters and brothers have a place in your heart, they will remain a part of your family. And if you choose to refer to them as in-laws, that's your privilege. I only hope that when you finally meet another special someone that they will welcome her into the family circle.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I found a box of Viagra in my husband's pants pocket while I was sorting the laundry. The box had a prescription label with the date and his name printed on it.

My husband and I share the same bed, but have not been intimate for more than 15 years. Our marriage is a marriage of convenience, not love. We are barely civil to each other.

From experience, I know that if I confront him, he will lie and fabricate a story. This is the second time in five years that I have found Viagra. Where do I go from here? -- ANGRY BEYOND WORDS, OTTAWA, CANADA

DEAR ANGRY BEYOND WORDS: The first place you should go is somewhere quiet, where you can cool your anger and ask yourself some important questions:

(1) Why have I tolerated a loveless marriage of convenience for more than 15 years?

(2) Am I better off with this man or without him?

Once you have answered those questions you will know whether to consult a marriage counselor or a lawyer.

P.S. Freud said there is no such thing as an "accident." If you decide to reveal to your husband that you found the stash he left in his pocket, would you please let me know what kind of lies he fabricates? I'm sure my readers are as curious as I am about what kind of story he can come up with.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend (age 17) and I (age 14) are having "issues." Lately he's always pushing me around, telling me what to do and exactly how to do it. I try my best, but sometimes it doesn't cut it for him -– and I just don't know what to do.

I want to salvage our relationship, so sometimes I try talking about it. But he either doesn't want to listen or blames everything that goes wrong on me. The only time he's ever actually nice is when he wants to have sex, or think about it, or talk about it. I'm really uncomfortable with this, and I told him that. Then he "sweet talks" me, and I stand firm, but he just gets angry and hostile.

I know at our age we are going through so many hormonal changes, but I still don't think it's a good excuse for his immature behavior. But I love him soooo much -– and I'm just so lost! What can I do to keep our relationship from going over the edge? -- IN LOVE IN ANDERSON, S.C.

DEAR IN LOVE: Although you say you love this young man, he is not acting like someone who loves YOU. The behavior you describe is abusive and coercive, and if you continue to tolerate it, it will land you in serious trouble. You may "love" him, but you have to take care of yourself -– and the surest way to keep the relationship from going "over the edge" is to end it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old graduate student and I'm currently planning my wedding. I don't own a cell phone. When I try to arrange plans with people or contact various wedding vendors, they'll ask for my cell phone number to get ahold of me later. When I reply that I don't have one, they act annoyed –- as if I'm inconveniencing them because they might not be able to get ahold of me the instant they call.

Abby, when I'm not at home I am usually someplace where I wouldn't answer a cell phone anyway, so I don't think it makes a difference if I have one or not. How do I reply to people who are astonished that someone could possibly get by without a cell phone attached to her hip? -- CELL-LESS IN WISCONSIN

DEAR CELL-LESS: Smile and say, "Just call me an old-fashioned girl." You are not obligated to explain further.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)