DEAR ABBY: I was recently married. I have a daughter, "Courtney," from a previous relationship. Things were great before the wedding. We even included Courtney in the planning. Afterward, however, things turned sour.

Courtney kept causing problems with my husband, and they both looked to me to work it out. I felt like I was being torn in two. No matter what I said to either of them, or if I just left the room to force them to work it out without me, things only got worse.

I left my husband over this. I was stressed out. Everyone was telling me I should not let my daughter dictate what was going on in my life. But I'm not going to force my child to live in a home where she does not feel love and does not want to be. Did I make the right decision? I still love my husband, but I must look out for what is best for my daughter. -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN BLUE SPRINGS, MO.

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Of course you have to look out for what is best for your child. Although you may have done the right thing in leaving, however, I think you left too soon.

Courtney had never had to share her mother's love and attention with anyone before. She was fighting for total possession of her parent, which wasn't healthy for either of you. Before leaving your husband, it would have been better to try family counseling to determine if a licensed professional could improve the level of communication, tolerance and understanding between the "combatants."

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old female who lives in a large family. There are two brothers, two sisters, three cousins, one aunt, two uncles, my parents and both my grandparents living here -- so things are very open.

When I was 5, one of my uncles started molesting me. It lasted for eight years. After I was 6 or 7, the other uncle began raping me almost daily, and it went on for the next eight years.

I told my parents about the molestation, and we went to the police. But because they didn't do anything about the molestation, I didn't tell them about the everyday rape.

It has been three years since it stopped happening, and my uncle has told me he is sorry. I feel I need someone to talk to about this, but I don't want to tell them who did it. I really need some advice. -- HURTING IN HAYWARD, CALIF.

DEAR HURTING: Pick up the phone and call the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN). The toll-free number is (800) 656-4673. Counselors there will guide you to specialized services that can help you.

Their entire focus is on helping the victims of sexual assault. No one will "force" you to reveal anything you don't want to.

However, after counseling, you may decide to tell the authorities what was done to you in order to prevent your uncle from raping and assaulting other vulnerable family members or neighbors. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you will.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine is a single father with a 12-year-old daughter. The mother is no longer involved in their lives.

I am concerned because the 12-year-old sleeps in the same bed as her father. Although he claims nothing is going on, I believe -- and have stated -- that it is not a good idea. What do you think? I think it would help him to hear someone else's opinion. -- JANE IN BURLINGAME, CALIF.

DEAR JANE: I agree the girl is too old to be sleeping with her dad. A 12-year-old girl is well on her way to becoming a young woman, and sharing a bed with her father could be too stimulating, for both of them. If he has further doubts about this, he should consult his daughter's pediatrician.

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DEAR ABBY: I love your column and no-nonsense advice. I guess what I want is for you to tell me it is OK to change careers.

I am a registered nurse who graduated from nursing school a year ago and hates her job. I am getting ready to change careers. It will cost me money, but I feel the payoff in time and peace of mind is worth it.

What do I say to people who are going to criticize me for it? Yes, I know it seems crazy to have spent four years getting a degree and not use it, but I really don't like nursing. The problem is mainly the other nurses and the environment, not my patients. Again, thanks for all you do. You do make a difference. -- SUSAN IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR SUSAN: Whoa, not so fast! If you were unhappy in your career, you would get no argument from me about changing it. However, before you make a final decision about leaving nursing, I urge you to consider that there is more than one way to practice the profession.

Among them is private duty nursing. Or getting a job as a nurse with a cruise line. Or becoming a traveling nurse. (Google "Travel nurses.") Agencies offer opportunities to travel and work anywhere in the 50 states. Some provide housing, meals allowance, continuing education courses and signing bonuses.

It may be possible to use the training you worked so hard to attain and not have to deal with the "other nurses" and the "environment." Please think it over and check out nursing registries in your state before you make your final decision. You may be pleasantly surprised.

DEAR ABBY: The man of my dreams, whom I have been with for seven years, has started cutting himself. I feel like I am losing my grip on reality, since in the past he has always talked to me when he had a problem. He is on anti-depressants, but they seem not to be working.

What can I do to help him see that he can talk to me, and this is not something he needs to continue? He is a quiet person, so no one knows about this -- just me and his daughters. Please help me. I am scared that one day I will come home and he will be dead. -- CRAZY WITH WORRY, HAWKINSVILLE, GA.

DEAR CRAZY WITH WORRY: It is far more important that the man of your dreams start talking to a mental health professional than it is that he confide in you right now. When people are so depressed that they start cutting, it is an indication that they need an intervention that's beyond the ability of a friend with a willing ear.

The place to start is to discuss this with the doctor who is giving the man of your dreams those anti-depressants. I urge you to see that it is done now, because he could seriously hurt himself, or worse.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is 16, just one year younger than I am, but he's doing some risky things that have me worried. One of the risks he is taking is against the law -- he's drinking alcohol. I told him not to, but as a teenage boy, he thinks listening to his older sister is not cool.

I can't tell my parents because then I'd be a snitch and a tattle-tale. What can I do? -- WAVERING IN WICHITA, KAN.

DEAR WAVERING: Some secrets are meant to be kept, others are better broken. Drinking and drugs fall into the latter category. Tell your parents what is going on before your brother gets into serious trouble, and ask them to keep what you told them confidential. Once they have been made aware of your brother's drinking, "catching" him while he's inebriated won't be difficult.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband is a great husband and father to our three children, ages 17, 10 and 4. The problem is, he leaves his loaded 9mm gun lying around our house. Last week, I found it on the kitchen table. Now here's the kicker: He's a police officer.

He leaves it in the holster, which is tricky to remove the gun from. He insists, "It can't be fired while it's in the holster." Abby, I don't care! My kids have friends in and out of our home daily.

The next time I find the gun lying around, I plan on taking it to his chief and explaining the problem to him. Am I out of line? Please don't mention my name or city. -- UPSET IN WASHINGTON

DEAR UPSET: Your husband is acting like an ostrich. ("There isn't a problem because I refuse to see it.")

I think your solution is excellent, and here's why. Just a few weeks ago, I saw a report on the evening news about an officer of the law who was driving his vehicle with his 3-year-old son along for the ride. The child somehow got ahold of his father's gun, and shot his father in the back.

The policeman somehow managed to get the vehicle stopped, and asked a witness to "look out for his child" before being taken to the hospital. The report concluded that the officer might be paralyzed for life. Enough said?

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are having a disagreement and have agreed to let you settle it for us.

My husband has two children, ages 17 and 13, who live with their mother and stepfather. They are with us about 15 percent of the year. Both kids have part-time jobs. They tell my husband what they want for Christmas and their birthdays, and he always gives them generous gifts on those occasions plus presents in between visits. We entertain them with lots of fun activities when they are with us, and take them on expensive trips.

The problem is, they never give my husband any presents at Christmas, his birthday or on Father's Day. Once in a while, they'll send him a card. Family members have spoken to them about this more than once, but there have been no changes.

My husband says he wants to continue to model generosity. I say, enough of this one-sided giving! In a healthy relationship, one person does not make all the effort. I say it's time to modify the giving and/or just give them cards. What do you think? -- HAD IT IN ARLINGTON, WASH.

DEAR HAD IT: Your husband should not suddenly punish his children by cutting off the gifts. Children behave as they have been taught -- usually by their mothers.

When they were younger, their mother should have taken them to buy special occasion gifts for their dad. She probably didn't because she was bitter about the divorce. When they are grown, they may learn to be more thoughtful -- but don't count on it, because patterns of giving are learned in childhood.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper reply to a business acquaintance who sends a notice, with pictures, announcing that he was married two weeks earlier? -- ASKANCE IN HOUSTON

DEAR ASKANCE: Add his wife's name to your Rolodex so you can inquire about her the next time you run into the business acquaintance, and send him a congratulatory card.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)