DEAR ABBY: My youngest daughter, "Liza," is going through a divorce that has turned ugly, with her soon-to-be ex, "Dick," choking and threatening to kill her.

The problem is, my oldest daughter, "Mimi," has remained in contact with Dick. She claims she doesn't want her children "to suffer the loss of an uncle they really love." Mimi had promised Liza she would no longer speak to Dick, but when Liza went to her former home to pick up some personal items, she saw on the caller ID that Mimi had been calling there several times a week.

Liza is devastated and feels Mimi has betrayed her. When she called Mimi to discuss it, Mimi refused. Liza then announced that she would never speak to Mimi again.

I feel that Mimi did betray Liza, but I had hoped there would be further communication. Mimi is now avoiding me.

There have been other sticky situations in the past when Mimi has deprived family members -- including me -- from seeing her children as a means of punishment.

I am at a loss. I feel supportive of Liza because I know she really needs me and is being subjected to problems of all kinds from all sides. -- HEARTBROKEN MOTHER IN OHIO

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: What a mess. You have my sympathy. However, Liza may have jumped to the wrong conclusion when she spotted Mimi's number on Dick's caller ID. Caller ID registers the number the call was made from and to whom that number is registered. It does not necessarily reveal the identity of the caller. Rather than Mimi calling, it might have been one or more of her children wanting to talk to "an uncle they really love."

One thing is clear. There is trouble between your daughters. Whether it's recent, or the ill feelings go all the way back to their childhood, you'd be better served to let "the girls" work it out between themselves than to allow yourself to be put in the middle. You can't be their referee forever. You're all adults now, and it's time they resolve their own conflicts without dragging you into it.

DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and have been in love with "Jordan" for three years. I know he loves me, too. My problem is I am not sure where Jordan leaves off and I begin. He is older -- 27 -- and I almost feel like I haven't had a chance to become my own person.

My dilemma is that I'm afraid if I leave him and venture out on my own, I might lose him forever. I don't want to make a mistake. I am also afraid that if I leave him and meet someone, and it doesn't work out -- I'll be left all alone. Please tell me what to do. Everyone I ask has a different opinion. -- CAN'T DECIDE IN GREENVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR CAN'T DECIDE: As risky as it may seem now, take a break from Jordan. You didn't mention whether you are still in school. If you are, tell Jordan that you need time to concentrate on your studies and get involved with campus life. It's the truth. If you are not, then consider taking some classes to further your education and help you develop independently.

Before making a lifetime commitment to anyone, it is imperative to have established some independence both emotionally and financially. If your romance is so fragile that a little time apart will destroy it, then it wasn't strong enough to begin with.

DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and have been in love with "Jordan" for three years. I know he loves me, too. My problem is I am not sure where Jordan leaves off and I begin. He is older -- 27 -- and I almost feel like I haven't had a chance to become my own person.

My dilemma is that I'm afraid if I leave him and venture out on my own, I might lose him forever. I don't want to make a mistake. I am also afraid that if I leave him and meet someone, and it doesn't work out -- I'll be left all alone. Please tell me what to do. Everyone I ask has a different opinion. -- CAN'T DECIDE IN GREENVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR CAN'T DECIDE: As risky as it may seem now, take a break from Jordan. You didn't mention whether you are still in school. If you are, tell Jordan that you need time to concentrate on your studies and get involved with campus life. It's the truth. If you are not, then consider taking some classes to further your education and help you develop independently.

Before making a lifetime commitment to anyone, it is imperative to have established some independence both emotionally and financially. If your romance is so fragile that a little time apart will destroy it, then it wasn't strong enough to begin with.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married this summer to my fiancee of five years, "Beth." I had always assumed that my brother, "Mike," who is also my best friend, would be my best man. Mike is gay.

When I asked him, I was stunned at his response. Mike said he loves me and Beth, but refuses to be part of a ceremony celebrating something for which he is discriminated against emotionally, financially and socially. He refuses even to attend.

Now that I have been forced to confront this issue, I realize my brother is right. Beth thinks he should "get over it," and he needs to accept that it's just "the way things are in the world."

As hurt as I am, I can't hold against my brother his refusal to participate in what he refers to as a "reminder that he is considered a second-class citizen without the same civil rights" as I have.

How can I handle this without turning it into something that could overshadow what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life? -- DISAPPOINTED IN WESTLAKE, OHIO

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: By respecting your brother's decision, and reminding your bride-to-be that accepting the status quo is not always the best thing to do. Women were once considered chattel, and slavery was regarded as sanctioned in the Bible. However, western society grew to recognize that neither was just. Canada, Belgium, the Netherlands and Spain have recognized gay marriage, and one day, perhaps, our country will, too.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in college for interior design. A woman I have many classes with is making class time unbearable. She frequently interrupts the instructor, or says "uh-huh" repeatedly during lectures. It's very distracting. I counted once, and she did it 100 times in one class -- no exaggeration.

She also laughs very loudly at things that are not remotely funny, eavesdrops on other people's conversations and interjects when her opinion is not asked for or wanted. Even our instructors are frustrated with her. When we have critiques of our work -- which is quite often -- she's rude and uncalled-for in her critique, which is funny because her work is less than remedial, at best.

This woman is in her 40s. Most of my classmates are in their 20s and 30s. Is she mentally unstable or just socially inept? How should we deal with someone who grates on everyone's nerves? I have tried ignoring her and giving her unsubtle hints that she's being out of line. Some of my classmates have talked to our instructors about her and nothing came of it. I'm at the end of my rope. I dread every class I have with her. Please help. -- DESIGN STUDENT IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR DESIGN STUDENT: You have described a person who is sorely lacking in social skills. She appears to be unable to pick up on the normal "cues" that guide most people's social interaction, which is very sad for her, because if she plans a career in interior design, she will have to successfully interact with many different kinds of people.

You and some of the other students should go back to your instructors and explain to them how disruptive and distracting the woman's behavior has been. If nothing is done, complain to the head of the department. However, if the problem can't be remedied, you may have to grit your teeth, remember that these classes are not forever, and keep as far away from her as you can.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I appreciate your concern for children's safety and your dedication to getting helpful information out to the public.

In a recent column, you printed a letter regarding a young man who was hit and killed by a car. My sympathies to the parents and family for their loss. That letter raised a question in our household. If you are walking, and no sidewalk is available, on which side of the road should you walk?

When I was involved in scouting, the rule was to walk facing traffic. However, I recently heard that pedestrians should walk "with" the traffic. Can you please address this issue and let everyone know what is the correct side of the road to walk on? It may also be appropriate to mention the side of the road bicyclers should travel. Thanks! -- CONCERNED PARENT, FAYETTEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR CONCERNED PARENT: What's probably causing your confusion is that the rules are different for bicycle riders and pedestrians. People on bikes are required by law to "go with the flow" of traffic. However, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration:

(1) If you must walk on a roadway and sidewalks are unavailable, always walk FACING the oncoming traffic. This will allow you to take evasive action if a vehicle comes into your path.

(2) Before stepping into the street, always stop and look left, right and left again. This will ensure that you see all oncoming traffic.

(3) Make full eye contact with the driver before stepping in front of his or her vehicle. Many people falsely assume that if they can see a vehicle, the driver can see them as well. Not true!

(4) Even when you have a green light or a "walk" signal permitting you to cross the street, always watch for inattentive drivers. Many drivers simply fail to stop for pedestrians. (And sadly, many drivers fail to stop for red lights, too, these days, and the results have been tragic.)

(5) Dress to be seen by drivers. During dusk and later evening hours, wear reflective clothing and carry a flashlight.

(6) Exercise caution in parking lots and garages. Vehicles may be backing up without the driver realizing that you are attempting to pass. (Watch for backup lights and listen for engine noise.)

(7) Always remember that many drivers fail to yield to pedestrians in a crosswalk, even though they're required to do so. Walk defensively!

DEAR ABBY: My condolences to the family who lost their 16-year-old son because he was hit by a car while walking at night. That letter struck a nerve with me because I am a taxi driver. Every night I'm driving, I see anywhere from 30 to 100 people cross the street after dark wearing dark clothing, and in many cases without looking for oncoming traffic. For all intents and purposes, people are invisible when they wear dark clothing at night.

I narrowly missed one pedestrian one night because the area was poorly lighted, he was wearing dark clothes, and he walked out from between two parked cars without looking.

The only reason I can think of to explain why I missed him is that he had a guardian angel with the wings of a B-52. -- DAN L., LONG BEACH, CALIF.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)