DEAR ABBY: I am being married this summer to my fiancee of five years, "Beth." I had always assumed that my brother, "Mike," who is also my best friend, would be my best man. Mike is gay.

When I asked him, I was stunned at his response. Mike said he loves me and Beth, but refuses to be part of a ceremony celebrating something for which he is discriminated against emotionally, financially and socially. He refuses even to attend.

Now that I have been forced to confront this issue, I realize my brother is right. Beth thinks he should "get over it," and he needs to accept that it's just "the way things are in the world."

As hurt as I am, I can't hold against my brother his refusal to participate in what he refers to as a "reminder that he is considered a second-class citizen without the same civil rights" as I have.

How can I handle this without turning it into something that could overshadow what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life? -- DISAPPOINTED IN WESTLAKE, OHIO

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: By respecting your brother's decision, and reminding your bride-to-be that accepting the status quo is not always the best thing to do. Women were once considered chattel, and slavery was regarded as sanctioned in the Bible. However, western society grew to recognize that neither was just. Canada, Belgium, the Netherlands and Spain have recognized gay marriage, and one day, perhaps, our country will, too.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in college for interior design. A woman I have many classes with is making class time unbearable. She frequently interrupts the instructor, or says "uh-huh" repeatedly during lectures. It's very distracting. I counted once, and she did it 100 times in one class -- no exaggeration.

She also laughs very loudly at things that are not remotely funny, eavesdrops on other people's conversations and interjects when her opinion is not asked for or wanted. Even our instructors are frustrated with her. When we have critiques of our work -- which is quite often -- she's rude and uncalled-for in her critique, which is funny because her work is less than remedial, at best.

This woman is in her 40s. Most of my classmates are in their 20s and 30s. Is she mentally unstable or just socially inept? How should we deal with someone who grates on everyone's nerves? I have tried ignoring her and giving her unsubtle hints that she's being out of line. Some of my classmates have talked to our instructors about her and nothing came of it. I'm at the end of my rope. I dread every class I have with her. Please help. -- DESIGN STUDENT IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR DESIGN STUDENT: You have described a person who is sorely lacking in social skills. She appears to be unable to pick up on the normal "cues" that guide most people's social interaction, which is very sad for her, because if she plans a career in interior design, she will have to successfully interact with many different kinds of people.

You and some of the other students should go back to your instructors and explain to them how disruptive and distracting the woman's behavior has been. If nothing is done, complain to the head of the department. However, if the problem can't be remedied, you may have to grit your teeth, remember that these classes are not forever, and keep as far away from her as you can.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I appreciate your concern for children's safety and your dedication to getting helpful information out to the public.

In a recent column, you printed a letter regarding a young man who was hit and killed by a car. My sympathies to the parents and family for their loss. That letter raised a question in our household. If you are walking, and no sidewalk is available, on which side of the road should you walk?

When I was involved in scouting, the rule was to walk facing traffic. However, I recently heard that pedestrians should walk "with" the traffic. Can you please address this issue and let everyone know what is the correct side of the road to walk on? It may also be appropriate to mention the side of the road bicyclers should travel. Thanks! -- CONCERNED PARENT, FAYETTEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR CONCERNED PARENT: What's probably causing your confusion is that the rules are different for bicycle riders and pedestrians. People on bikes are required by law to "go with the flow" of traffic. However, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration:

(1) If you must walk on a roadway and sidewalks are unavailable, always walk FACING the oncoming traffic. This will allow you to take evasive action if a vehicle comes into your path.

(2) Before stepping into the street, always stop and look left, right and left again. This will ensure that you see all oncoming traffic.

(3) Make full eye contact with the driver before stepping in front of his or her vehicle. Many people falsely assume that if they can see a vehicle, the driver can see them as well. Not true!

(4) Even when you have a green light or a "walk" signal permitting you to cross the street, always watch for inattentive drivers. Many drivers simply fail to stop for pedestrians. (And sadly, many drivers fail to stop for red lights, too, these days, and the results have been tragic.)

(5) Dress to be seen by drivers. During dusk and later evening hours, wear reflective clothing and carry a flashlight.

(6) Exercise caution in parking lots and garages. Vehicles may be backing up without the driver realizing that you are attempting to pass. (Watch for backup lights and listen for engine noise.)

(7) Always remember that many drivers fail to yield to pedestrians in a crosswalk, even though they're required to do so. Walk defensively!

DEAR ABBY: My condolences to the family who lost their 16-year-old son because he was hit by a car while walking at night. That letter struck a nerve with me because I am a taxi driver. Every night I'm driving, I see anywhere from 30 to 100 people cross the street after dark wearing dark clothing, and in many cases without looking for oncoming traffic. For all intents and purposes, people are invisible when they wear dark clothing at night.

I narrowly missed one pedestrian one night because the area was poorly lighted, he was wearing dark clothes, and he walked out from between two parked cars without looking.

The only reason I can think of to explain why I missed him is that he had a guardian angel with the wings of a B-52. -- DAN L., LONG BEACH, CALIF.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After I dated an older man, I gained a bad reputation among some lower-level, gossipy co-workers at my job, even though I tried to keep it quiet and even denied it.

Now I've started a friendship with an older man at the company where I work. Although we are just friends, these co-workers think there is something more and are spreading gossip, saying that we are having an affair.

This could be damaging to both my career and my friendships with the man and my co-workers. How can I stop the gossip? Or does my past behavior make me forever guilty? -- NOT LOVING IT IN NEW YORK

DEAR NOT LOVING IT: Wait a minute. How did your co-workers learn about your relationships with these two men? Were you obvious about the personal relationship at work? Did you, perhaps, mention it to someone who dropped the tidbit at the water cooler?

Once gossip starts, it is impossible to stop. You can, however, make it seem less plausible if you keep your behavior above reproach in the workplace, and your lip tightly zipped when it comes to your personal life. Period.

DEAR ABBY: "Danny" and I have been together six months. During the first six weeks I was studying in Europe, and when I got back we jumped straight into an intense, time-consuming relationship. Then he asked if he could move in with me. It was all too sudden for me, and I said I wasn't ready. Danny reacted by breaking up with me.

Since then, our relationship has been rocky. We never established a foundation, and we have been trying to ease our time commitment to each other.

Danny says that he loves me. I feel I centered my life around him, and I need to regain my balance before I can be in a relationship with him again. I want to take a couple of steps back this summer, and get to know each other again and build a foundation. I know Danny is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I'm not ready for that kind of commitment now.

Should I give up and walk away, or continue to try to rebuild our relationship? -- LINDY IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR LINDY: Danny may say that he loves you, but if it is more than lip service, he should be willing to give you the space you need. If he's unwilling to do that, then the message he's sending is that he's more interested in a live-in than a life partner. What you're proposing is reasonable, and if he can't respect your feelings, you should, indeed, walk away.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in reference to the letter from "Katie's Daughter" that ran in your column about a month ago. I lost my mother when I was 21 and wish I had written down some of her recipes. I, like Katie's daughter, wanted to make some of my mother's specialties.

I am now in my 60s. I decided that while I am still able, I would compile a collection of recipes that my sister and I have prepared over the years for my sons, nieces and nephews so they would not have to "search" for them.

By December, I had typed all our family favorites on a special computer program. I printed it, and then took it to a local office supply store, had it bound and a cover put on. It was one of the favorite Christmas gifts they received. -- ALMA'S DAUGHTER IN AUBURN, N.Y.

DEAR ALMA'S DAUGHTER: What a terrific idea. I never thought I'd be discussing Christmas gift ideas in June, but for a project like this one, it's not a bad idea to start early. Thank you for sharing a delicious suggestion with me and my readers.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)