DEAR ABBY: I am a widow with four children. My mother passed away in March 2004, and 11 months later I found my husband dead in our bathroom after he had shot himself in the head. Needless to say, my world has turned upside down. I think I am managing pretty well, and I thank God every day for my children. I don't know what I'd do without them. However, I miss my husband more and more every day.

I do not know how I am going to handle all this. I don't know what I will tell my 3- and 4-year-olds one day when they ask me how their daddy died. I also can't picture myself loving another man, or being loved by one.

Am I destined to be a lonely widow? How can I tell my children the truth without destroying their lives? -- MOURNING IN ARIZONA

DEAR MOURNING: I hope you realize that all of the emotions you are experiencing right now are NORMAL. You have suffered two tremendous losses in a short period of time, so it's not surprising that you are feeling the loss deeply.

When your children are old enough to begin asking questions about their father, explain to them that although their daddy loved them very much, he was sick and he suffered from an illness -- depression -- and that one day he took his own life. As they grow older, they may need this information, because depression can run in families. They also need to understand that there is treatment for it. You do not have to give your children all the details at once, and it may be better that you don't.

As for being "destined to be a lonely widow," nothing could be further from the truth. But you will first have to deal with your own feelings about what happened. A source of support that might be helpful would be the American Association of Suicidology, which has hundreds of associated groups. It can provide you with referrals to local self-help groups for survivors. Newsletters, pamphlets, etc., are also available for a fee. The organization's address is 5221 Wisconsin Ave. N.W., Washington, D.C. 20015, and the Web site is www.suicidology.org.

Being a survivor of suicide can be isolating, but it doesn't have to be inevitable. By writing to me, you have already taken the first step in reaching out. I wish you happiness in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I am having a problem with a fellow classmate. He sits in front of me, and every day during class he turns around and asks me to marry him. Of course I say no, but he won't stop it, and it's starting to creep me out. One day he asked me why, and I told him because I have a boyfriend (which is true). Now he says he wants to hurt him!

I have tried asking him nicely not to talk to me anymore, but he still does, and he's in more than one class with me, so a seat change won't do much good. I'm not sure exactly what to say to him. Could you help me out? -- CREEPED OUT IN WINTER SPRINGS, FLA.

DEAR CREEPED OUT: The next time Romeo proposes, tell him that if he doesn't knock it off, you will tell your teacher and the principal that he's harassing you and making threats against your boyfriend. If that doesn't cool his ardor, follow through. He may deserve an A for effort, but he deserves an F in English if he can't comprehend what "no" means.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have never written to you before, but after reading the letter from "Confused in Georgia," the 23-year-old young man saying that he is gay, I felt compelled to respond. Your advice to him was great, but I would like to offer some of my own.

Like "Confused," I am also a homosexual in south Georgia. Because he is having a difficult time with the church in which he was raised, my advice would be to run -- don't walk -- from this "house of worship." If attending church is important to him, then I suggest he visit the Episcopal Church, where I found solace and a warm and comforting family.

I have found it most interesting that in the Deep South, many Protestant churches are inclusive only if one meets their criteria, which is something akin to an exclusive country club.

Also, he is not alone. Homosexuals of all races and religions are born every single day. I have found it somewhat amusing that if the truth be known, there are probably more homosexuals in our churches than at any gay venue. -- VALDOSTA, GA., READER

DEAR READER: After that letter was published, I was inundated with mail from readers -- gay and straight -- from all over the country encouraging the writer to stop being afraid of rejection and to come out already. Read on for a sample from Georgia alone:

DEAR ABBY: No one should have to live with the isolation and fear that "Confused" is experiencing due to his sexual orientation. I live in Atlanta, and while I am not homosexual, "Confused" should know that Atlanta is known for having a large, active gay community. There are many support and networking groups here, gay-friendly neighborhoods and planned communities, and a number of churches of different denominations that welcome gay and lesbian members with open hearts and minds. Georgia State, Emory and Georgia Tech are all based in Atlanta, as well as numerous community colleges.

"Confused" should come and visit. While parts of the South are extremely conservative, a whole new world of opportunity and happiness awaits him in his own home state. Atlanta has the resources, as well as an empathetic community, to help him find happiness within himself. -- JESSICA IN ATLANTA

DEAR ABBY: The theatrical world, which has a large community of gay men, is a place where "Confused" will find many open minds and similar stories. Getting involved in regional theater as a volunteer will help him find an emotionally "safe" activity with which to begin socializing again. We love our volunteers. All he has to do is hand folks a program, and no one will ask questions. It will also put him in contact with many others who may have lived through exactly what he's going through now and enable him to make friends who truly understand. Not everyone in this state is homophobic. -- SYMPATHETIC IN GEORGIA

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Confused in Georgia" mirrors our grandson. If the only way we can communicate with him is through Dear Abby, then we will certainly try:

Grandson, we love you very much and have felt for some time that you might be gay. Does this change our love for you? No! If you decided to come out, you will always have our love and support. Please, make a decision so that you can move on with your life. -- YOUR LOVING GRANDPA AND GRANDMA IN ALBANY, GA.

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DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Married? In Arkansas," who found to her dismay that her husband was still married to his first wife, I thought I should write. It happens more than people would like to think.

I have worked for more than 10 years on a divorce court staff, and I would advise all divorced people -- male and female -- to request a certified copy of their divorce decree. This official document is available from the courthouse in which they were divorced.

I know of at least two instances where the lawyers failed to submit the decree of divorce to the judge. It was only discovered more than a decade later. In the first instance, as part of the property settlement, the husband was going to buy out his ex-wife's interest in the former marital home. The provision was triggered by the youngest child turning 18. The mortgage company needed a copy of the divorce decree to refinance the mortgage. Surprise -- both the husband and wife had remarried! They had to go through another divorce proceeding. (It was probably more amicable than the first.) But they were humiliated, not to mention furious at the attorney. Then they had to "remarry" their current spouses.

The second incident was very sad. The parties' son was killed in an accident. In the process of filing a wrongful death action, a copy of their divorce decree was needed. That's when they learned their case had been dismissed for "failure to prosecute." Again, the attorney had not filed the judgment, even though the parties had appeared in court and testified.

Please, Abby, tell your readers if they have gotten a divorce and do not have a certified copy of their divorce decree, to get one now. Most attorneys are hard-working and honest. But it never hurts to have insurance, and this is some of the cheapest insurance they'll ever get. -- CONCERNED COURT REPORTER

DEAR CONCERNED: I'm sure your letter will raise some eyebrows, but you have offered some good advice, and I hope my readers will pay attention to it.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I'm 14, the oldest of four children. The second youngest is "Rose." She's 8 and was the baby of the family until about three years ago, when Mother became pregnant. Needless to say, Rose was not happy with the news. When we were told a few months later that the baby would be a girl, Rose cried and said she wanted a boy. Then, when baby "Claire," was born, Rose had a temper tantrum because she wasn't the baby anymore. Rose had been so used to being doted on and getting everything she wanted -- and here came this new baby.

Now Rose is continually abusing Claire. She will scream at Claire for just moving something out of place. For instance, Rose was dancing to some music in the family room, and Claire came in with a laundry basket. Rose went nuts. She turned and screamed, "Get out! I'm dancing, you idiot!" Then she went and gave Claire the biggest slap on the shoulder! Claire went crying to Mom and said Rose hit her, but Rose denied it, even though I was there and witnessed everything.

Is this jealousy, or something else? -- STUNNED IN BILOXI, MISS.

DEAR STUNNED: It's jealousy -- and that kind of sibling rivalry goes all the way back to Cain and Abel. I hope you told your mother what really occurred, because your mother's work is cut out for her. Not only does she have her little one to tend to, she is going to have to give Rose more attention. It will alleviate some of her jealousy and also ensure that Rose cannot act out -- and lie -- without punishment.

I recommend that your mother involve Rose in a special activity -- something that is just for her -- so she can feel "special" again. She's an angry little girl, but she cannot be allowed to continue abusing her little sister.

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