DEAR ABBY: I am happily married with a great wife. I also have a platonic female friend, "Tina," I have known for many years and who suffers from depression. She and I have been getting together for the last few months over tea, and I usually let her air what's on her mind in an effort to alleviate her depression.

We also go for walks occasionally and sometimes hold hands. I feel guilty doing this, but there is absolutely no threat at all of us ever becoming intimate. I worry that if I don't befriend Tina she might commit suicide, which would make me feel terrible. I also worry about being seen in her company by one of my wife's friends and the whole thing becoming a big misunderstanding. I value Tina's friendship, but also do not want to jeopardize my marriage. What should I do? -- BEWILDERED IN RENO

DEAR BEWILDERED: First of all, recognize your limitations. If you sincerely believe Tina is so depressed that if you stop holding hands with her during your walks she might end her life, then please urge her to get professional help. She would be better served if she was "airing what's on her mind" with a therapist who can counsel her and possibly give her medical treatment for her illness -- because that's what depression is, an illness.

It's all right to stand by your friend in her time of need, but if your alarm bells are going off and you're getting "nervous about being seen," then you are, perhaps, seeing her too often and getting closer than you should, both physically and emotionally. Please think about it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 10 years to a man who just doesn't take work seriously. It seems he'd rather that I work than he. He has been on workers' comp twice and just got off again after three years. He works when he wants, just enough to get by -- pretty much burdening me with the bills.

I have an opportunity to board where I work this year. It is quite a ways away, and the season lasts six months. My husband threatens to kick me out if I do. To be honest, I think he just wants me here to pay the bills.

Oh, and he abuses me, too, so I feel leaving would be good for me all the way around. Please tell me what you think. -- GLAD FOR A WAY OUT IN NEW YORK

DEAR GLAD: Your husband isn't going to "throw you out" -- you should be so lucky! Take the job and, while you're apart, file for divorce. Ten years of abuse is enough.

DEAR READERS: Sunday, May 21, 2006, marks the beginning of Remembrance Week, leading up to the observance of the National Moment of Remembrance, established by Congress to occur at 3 p.m. (local time) on Memorial Day. This year, the public is invited to a historical tribute, "A Time of Remembrance," which will take place at noon on the 21st on the grounds of the Washington Monument in Washington, D.C. It will honor our fallen from the conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq and their families. We want them to know that their fellow Americans care about their great loss and the sacrifice of their loved ones.

A wise man once said: "Like a breath to the human body, remembrance makes the spirit live." The greatest gift we can give to our fallen and the loved ones who survive them is the gift of remembrance.

In the words of Carmella LaSpada, director of the Commission on Remembrance: "We hope our tribute on May 21 will comfort the families who gave their hearts to our country."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Mothers come in all sizes and colors. Some are traditional, while others are not. But one thing is true about mothers everywhere. The role they have assumed is both the hardest job in the world and the most rewarding. Because today is Mother's Day. I extend my best wishes to all of you -- whether you are birth mothers, stepmothers, adoptive mothers, foster mothers or mothers-in-law.

DEAR ABBY: Every year on Mother's Day, you feature letters about cake-baking, hugs-and-kisses mothers. The stories are heartwarming, but all of the women depicted seem to have been cut from the same schmaltzy cookie cutter.

My mom, Kitty Myrtle White, was a beautiful, 5-foot-tall, heck-raising Texas lady who could drink any strong man under the table and out-cuss any drunken sailor. A single mom in the '40s, when there was no welfare, Mom worked 12-hour days to support her three children. Even though her job required that she carry large sums of cash to the bank every day (we lived in a tough part of town), Mom never worried about being robbed. On top of being a tough little broad, she also carried a snub-nosed .38 caliber revolver in her purse and was a crack shot. Twice, would-be assailants were sent on their way with bleeding scalps after Mom "parted their hair" with an accurately swung R.C. Cola bottle. Mom was scared of nothing!

To relax in the evenings, Mom would entertain her beaus in our living room. All she ever needed was a table, a bottle of Four Roses whiskey, music from our radio and a man. Since she was one of Texas' greatest storytellers, what she really wanted from her "gentlemen" was an audience.

With great Southern charm, she would sit them down at the table with a drink and then tell them endless tales about the crazy people she'd known and her own "eccentric" family. When a hot tune would come onto the radio, she'd "boogie-woogie" with her guy while holding her cocktail in her hand. When the song ended, she'd let out a loud rebel yell, slug down her drink and slam the empty glass into the fireplace. Because of her zany ways, some of her dates waited for the opportunity, then bolted out our side door. (Some were never heard from again.)

Mom was a genuine character and was much loved by her kids and just about everyone who knew her. So, Abby, this year, instead of printing one of those mushy mom stories, remember that not all good mothers are cut from that same pious piece of cloth. -- KITTY'S KID IN GLENDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR KITTY'S KID: Your letter proves that it doesn't always take an apron and a cookie recipe to be a loving, caring mother. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In 1993, when my husband was leaving for college, he wrote his mother a Mother's Day thank-you letter. In it, he thanked her for everything from turning leftovers into new meals, to reminding him to always put on clean underwear. The letter, two handwritten pages long, came from his heart.

My beloved mother-in-law kept that letter in her jewelry box with her other treasures. Cancer took her recently, but before she died, she asked my husband to read it at her funeral. There wasn't a dry eye in the house when he finished. Little did he know 13 years ago, how deeply meaningful it would be.

So I challenge your readers this year: Write your mothers a letter telling them how much you love and appreciate them. Believe me, it will last a lot longer than flowers or candy. I hope I'm lucky enough someday to receive a letter like that from my daughters. -- NICOLE IN ORANGE COUNTY

DEAR NICOLE: And I hope your wish is granted.

Happy Mother's Day!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Would it be OK to offer an interest-free loan to a prospective son-in-law to buy my daughter an engagement ring? They have been dating -- indeed, living together -- for more than two years. They talk about wedding plans all the time. He's already like part of the family.

We conjecture that he has not popped the question because he can't afford to purchase an engagement ring. He's currently working part-time, low-income jobs while he waits for our daughter to get her college degree before he/they go to graduate school. -- CARING DAD IN WASHINGTON

DEAR CARING DAD: When in doubt -- don't. Although your idea is generous, I think you should refrain from making the offer. Your daughter's boyfriend may have other reasons for not popping the question, including not feeling ready to make a lifetime commitment to your daughter.

DEAR ABBY: I recently went to a salon to have my hair dyed back to my natural color. The stylist did a wonderful job and I'm happy with the results, as it's hard to match the color of someone's roots with hair dye.

However, later I went out to dinner with a friend, and she pointed out a large stain of hair dye on the back of my shirt. I'm not sure what to do. I'm fairly certain the stylist must have seen it as she walked me to the counter. It was a brand-new shirt and cost me $40 the day before I went to the salon, and it was the first time I had ever worn it.

I'd like to ask the salon to pay for the cost of the shirt, but would this be proper? -- SCARLET WOMAN IN LEXINGTON, KY.

DEAR SCARLET: You are certainly within your rights to ask if you feel that the stylist saw the problem and kept it from you. When you went in for the procedure, you should have been offered the opportunity to change into a smock so there would be no chance that your clothing would be ruined. And in the future, when going to a beauty salon for color, you should ask for one.

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday my husband and oldest son went to pick up my youngest son from my parents' home. During the 15 minutes they were there, my parents told them nine times that they had something for our children, and they would be over another day to help assemble it. Also, my mother repeated eight times to our oldest son to make sure he didn't allow his brother to have a small object. None of us have hearing problems, and my oldest son is very smart and responsible when it comes to knowing what his little brother can and cannot have.

My parents are in their early 60s. Both of them are healthy. The thing is, they repeat themselves over and over again all the time. What makes a person do this? We have tried telling them that they have already told us a dozen times. Whenever we try, they either "don't get it" or they get upset and pout. Does anyone else have to deal with this? It's really annoying. -- PETE AND REPEAT IN OHIO

DEAR PETE AND REPEAT: Absolutely. However, they are usually families whose relative is suffering from some form of dementia or has had small strokes. I don't know how long this problem has been going on, but your parents' doctor should be alerted that there may be a potential problem.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)