DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Jamie," and I have been together almost four years. Everything was fine until we hit a major roadblock.

I was raised to love animals. Jamie's parents are the polar opposite. I have always kept my cool when I heard stories about his father abusing animals. I asked Jamie to talk to his parents and let them know how I feel. He never did.

Just before Christmas we were over there for a visit, and his mother told a horrible story about his dad killing a pet rabbit. I couldn't control myself any longer; I burst into tears and yelled, "Your father is a horrible man!"

We left that night, and I told Jamie I could never go back. He needed to make a choice: a wife who could be a part of his family -- or me. He chose me -- at least that's what I thought.

Jamie recently asked me if I had calmed down and could put this in the past. I don't think I can. How can we have a life together if I don't want to be a part of his family? -- APPALLED IN LIVONIA, MICH.

DEAR APPALLED: The answer is you can't, because you and Jamie have very different values. His father's behavior is sadistic, and his mother appears to feel that killing a pet is normal. Your fiance might like to think that all this can be smoothed over, but what happened at Christmas was your glimpse at the future. My advice is to end it now, before you wind up joining a clan whose sensitivities and values are so different from your own.

DEAR ABBY: I am grieving the death of my beloved mother. She was in her late 80s, and her friends who are still living were loyal in attending the visitation or the funeral, or sending a card.

However, my friends were absent and unresponsive, and it has left me feeling puzzled and deserted. I have always sent cards and responded to their family losses. Where were they in my time of need? Are they still my friends or not?

I must add that during the last year I went through a nasty divorce, and my former wife and her parents conducted a smear campaign against me. However, at the funeral, my former in-laws were in attendance. What do you think of this? -- DESERTED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DESERTED: It's possible that your former in-laws showed up simply to pay their respects to someone they had known -- and presumably gotten along with -- for a long time. As to the friends upon whom you counted for support, and who were absent in your time of need, you are asking the wrong person. You should ask them why they ignored your mother's death, and if they consider themselves still to be your friends. It's not a rude question. You're entitled to an answer, and hearing the truth might be empowering.

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago I had a mastectomy. Whenever I tell people this, invariably the first question they ask is, "Which side?" Initially I was caught off guard and, without knowing what else to do, I'd tell them the answer. Then they would stare at my chest!

I don't know what possesses people to behave that way. It's absolutely none of their business and it's very offensive. I'd love it if you would pass the word along. Thank you! -- SURVIVOR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SURVIVOR: Consider it passed. Readers, if someone tells you she (or he) has had a mastectomy, remember that personal questions can be an invasion of privacy, and keep your glance no lower than the jawline.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently had to tell another patient, this time a husband and father, that the irregular-shaped mole on his shoulder was melanoma, the most serious form of skin cancer. Unfortunately, dermatologists see cases like this every day.

Despite outward appearances of being healthy, this man was a prime candidate for skin cancer. Unlike many of my patients, he had spent the better part of his youth swimming and playing baseball in the sun with his skin unprotected.

Regardless of age or skin type, everyone is at risk for developing skin cancer. Last year alone, there were 105,750 new cases of melanoma diagnosed in the United States. To avoid becoming part of that statistic, your readers need to be "sun smart" when they have fun in the sun. They need to do such things as generously apply sunscreen, wear protective clothing, seek shade, get vitamin D safely -- through a healthy diet or dietary supplement -- and AVOID TANNING BEDS.

As a dermatologist, I can attest that practicing sun safety and getting screened for skin cancer are the best ways to ensure lifelong healthy skin. Please help me spread the word, Abby. -- STEPHEN P. STONE, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN ACADEMY OF DERMATOLOGY

DEAR DR. STONE: I'm pleased to help, and thank you for your compassion and desire to protect my readers.

Folks, in addition to heeding Dr. Stone's suggestions, you can also take advantage of the American Academy of Dermatology's free skin cancer screening programs. Throughout the year, dermatologists provide free screenings to help educate the public about the importance of early detection of skin cancer. (The good news is, most skin cancers average a 95 percent cure rate if they are caught early.) To locate free screenings in your area, log onto � HYPERLINK "http://www.aad.org" ��www.aad.org� or call toll-free: (888) 462-3376.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old female and have recently realized that I am gay. I came out to my parents about a year ago, and they were loving and accepting. It wasn't a problem.

My problem is I am not ready to tell any of my close friends. I am waiting until college to come out. However, because I haven't come out, I still get a lot of male attention. I'm worried that constantly rejecting all guys will give my secret away. Thus, I am in a relationship with a boyfriend I do not love.

I know it's not fair to lie to him and pretend that I love him. I don't want to break his heart. I have already ended past relationships for "no reason" and have had to think up reasons to give to my friends. (Even my best friends have no idea, and I feel guilty about it.) I don't think I can lie one more time about its being the boy's fault, because each guy I have dated has been perfectly sweet.

My relationship with my current boyfriend is becoming quite serious, and though I like him as a friend, I'm not ready for the sex that we're beginning to talk about. I want out, but I'm not ready to COME out.

Please help me. I have never had a more confusing dilemma. -- IN THE CLOSET IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR IN THE CLOSET: You are under no obligation to disclose your sexual orientation until you are ready. However, it's time to stop lying to the young man you are dating. All you need to say is that you have decided not to have a serious relationship until you are in college. It is the truth, and you do not have to elaborate.

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: Happy Easter, everyone!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old mother of three, a 2-, 3- and 4-year-old. I am no longer with their father. He never wanted to spend time with us.

It's not easy to find someone who will take on all this responsibility, especially someone in his 20s. I did meet this wonderful man in June 2004. His name is "Alex," and he's the best thing that ever happened to us. He treats us like his own family. I truly love him.

Well, "too good to be true" fits my situation perfectly. A couple of months ago, I found out Alex was stealing money from me. First, it was with my ATM card. I ended up cutting it up and throwing it away. After that, I started making Alex deposit his paychecks into my account. Then I found out he had forged two of my checks and cashed them. I know some of the money in the bank was his, but he never asked me or told me. Do you think what he did was OK because some of the money was his? Alex does. And what should I do about our relationship? -- CONFUSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CONFUSED: I know it's hard to find a man, but the "wonderful" man you met in 2004 is a thief and a forger. For your own sake and that of your children, you should give him whatever money you owe him and end this relationship now. Unless you do, he will continue to steal from you -- and heaven only knows what else.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Diane," has always dated losers. The relationships have always ended badly. Stalkers, stuffed shirts, chauvinists -- you name it.

A few months ago, she started dating a man I'll call "Tim." I won't get into all of his nerve-wracking traits, although one of them seriously upsets me. The other day, Diane finally tried to dump him. Tim said OK, but called soon after saying he was going to kill himself by asphyxiating himself in his car, then he turned on the ignition. She heard his breathing get heavy and the phone went dead. She called the police, who found Tim several hours later in good physical health. He is in a "home" for now, but Diane still calls him. She says she wants to stay with him so he won't kill himself.

No one else in my family knows about this. She made me promise not to say anything. I desperately want to. But if I do, my sister will never trust me again. Please help me. I'm only 19, and I cry every night because I'm so scared for her. Tim gets out in a few days. I don't want him at our house. Talking hasn't helped at all. She refuses to listen to me. -- WORRIED SICK IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WORRIED SICK: Some promises are made to be broken, and this is one of them. Because Tim has demonstrated that he is mentally unstable, your parents should be told immediately. You did not mention how old your sister is, but if she's living at home, your parents have a right to determine who is welcome and who is not.

DEAR ABBY: I'm being married in six months and am planning a small wedding with family and close friends only. What is your advice on the best way to respond when well-meaning acquaintances say things like, "I hope I'm invited!" When this happened, I was so surprised I just smiled and didn't respond. -- BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Because someone says, "I hope I'm invited," does not mean you are on the hook to do so. Just smile and reply, "I'd love to invite you, but it's going to be a very small family affair."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)