DEAR ABBY: My darling and I were married six weeks ago. His lawyer told him that his divorce from his first wife was final, and he was just waiting for the papers to come back, so we went ahead and got married.

Now it turns out the lawyer did not even submit the papers to the judge until a couple of days ago! What do I do? Who do I talk to? We want to be remarried as soon as possible. Does the marriage need to be voided through the courthouse, or can we just redo the ceremony? I have no clue even where to begin.

I cannot ask his lawyer because the last time we did, he said he would "take care of it." I no longer trust him. I think he is just telling us what he thinks we want to hear. -- MARRIED? IN ARKANSAS

DEAR MARRIED?: You are right not to trust him. Your "husband's" lawyer could be guilty of malpractice. He has turned the man you "married" from a law-abiding citizen into a bigamist.

The place to begin is your state bar association. Contact it and request a referral to an attorney who's on the up-and-up. I'm sure the association will be glad to provide one -- and to know that one of its members is a disgrace to the profession. Please don't wait; do it now.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 17 years. Over the past 13 of them, my husband, "Sam," has had 15 different jobs, and he's currently unemployed again. Every time we almost dig our way out of debt, he picks a fight with management.

In 2004, Sam had four jobs in one year. I have no more nest egg left. Our credit score is a shambles.

Sam's biggest concern has always been his golf game. We have a 15-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter. They are hurt and embarrassed by our financial condition. I have a good job, but I have a heart condition that could disable me at any time.

Why on earth would a 41-year-old man not care about his family enough to make a living for them? Should I leave Sam to prove a point? Every time I try to leave, he threatens suicide. -- RUNNING IN CIRCLES IN ARIZONA

DEAR RUNNING IN CIRCLES: Since I don't know your husband, I can't offer an explanation regarding why he started his golfing holiday instead of continuing to work -- right at the time your children started arriving. Should you leave him? I think so, because the stress of supporting three "children" could explain the reason for your heart condition. As to his threats of suicide, they are classic examples of emotional blackmail. I'm sure if you go -- if only for a while -- you'll be amazed at the strength of his survival instinct once he's off the gravy train.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single woman in my 20s and would like to know a good way to decline a man's request for my telephone number at a party or social situation. I'm not crazy about saying that I don't give out my number, because the truth is, if I was interested in the guy, I would give it to him. Too often I end up giving my number and then feeling guilty when screening my calls and not returning his.

Please don't tell me I should "give the guy a chance" -- some of these men are 20-plus years older than I am. -- SCREENING MY CALLS IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SCREENING: It's not hard to refuse to give out your phone number. When someone says, "May I have it?" all you have to say is, "Why don't you give me yours?" Then you can follow up -- or not. It's a tried-and-true technique men have practiced for years.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Larry," walked out on me 13 months ago for "Crystal," a woman who had slept with one of our sons as well as my niece's husband. I was devastated. I begged him to come back, but he said no, so I filed for divorce. It became final in January.

Now Larry says he made a big mistake and wants me back, so I told him to call Crystal on the phone in front of me and repeat to her what he had just told me -- that he was with her only to spite me. He refused. He said he never talked bad about me to her, and he always told her he wanted to come back to me. I don't believe it. I think Larry wants to come home only because Crystal's husband drove up unannounced on Thanksgiving and caught him at her house. I think he realizes it's over for them because Crystal's husband isn't about to leave her alone.

Should I drop this man after more than 27 years of marriage? Is it too much to ask him to confront her? Because, as it stands, Crystal thinks he'll continue to come and see her. -- STILL DEVASTATED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR DEVASTATED: He's already "dropped." You made your decision -- a sound one, by the way – when you divorced him. It's not "asking too much" that he prove his sincerity by confronting the woman he left you for. His refusal should dispel any lingering doubts in your mind. You will be happier if you celebrate your freedom and go on with your life without looking back.

DEAR ABBY: After two years of dating, my boyfriend, "Dan," and I have become engaged. Dan was married before and has two beautiful daughters, ages 5 and 10. I have no children of my own, so it has been a blessed, but sometimes bumpy road, accepting them into my life.

For the most part, the girls and I get along well, but there is one issue that really bothers me. When we have the girls, the 10-year-old, "Kelsey," frequently parades around in her underwear, or attempts to sleep only in her underwear. I feel she's too old to be doing this. I bought her several sets of pajamas to sleep in, thinking it would solve the problem.

Last night I caught her in only her underwear again. I told Dan it bothers me, and his response was, "She's only 10." Abby, Kelsey is old enough to be going through puberty, so to me she is too old to go around without proper clothing. And even though she is an undeveloped 10-year-old, I explained to Dan that I want his daughters to grow up respecting themselves and their bodies. (I have also told this to Kelsey.)

I fear that Kelsey does this at her mother's and other relatives' homes. Their mother isn't the most respectable person and, sad to say, was raised to be "trashy." I am trying to be a positive influence in these children's lives. I would like them to turn into proper young ladies with good morals and values. Am I wrong? -- UNOFFICIAL STEPMOM IN TEXAS

DEAR UNOFFICIAL STEPMOM: Yes, although well-intended, I think you are. Kelsey sleeps in her underwear because that's the way she's used to sleeping and she's comfortable that way. It will have no effect on the degree to which she "respects herself and her body" unless you turn it into a power struggle.

Because you feel she's too old to be walking around in her underwear, you're within your rights to ask her to put on a robe. But if you want to teach the children good morals and values, the way to do it is to stop nagging, set a good example, and refrain from making nasty comments about their "trashy" mother.

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DEAR ABBY: I am married to a man I'll call "Chad." We have had a few rough years since our child came along. We went to counseling as long as Chad's parents paid for it, and even tried talking to the pastor of our church. Not a whole lot has changed.

I know you recommend counseling for married people in trouble, but what do you suggest for those of us who can't afford it? -- TRYING TO MAKE IT IN TUCSON

DEAR TRYING: A program that has been mentioned before in my column, and has enjoyed much success, is Retrouvaille, which started in Canada in 1977 and is now offered in many countries. It is Catholic in origin and orientation, but is open to all married couples regardless of religious background.

Retrouvaille consists of a weekend, followed by a series of 12 presentations over the following three months. It is not a spiritual retreat, a sensitivity group or a seminar. During the Retrouvaille program, which is run by three married couples and a priest, the "team couples" -– all of whom have experienced disillusionment, pain, anger and conflict in their own marriages -– share their personal struggles, reconciliation and healing. For more information on programs in your area, call toll-free: (800) 470-2230 or visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.retrouvaille.org" ��www.retrouvaille.org�.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "George," died seven months ago, after a four-month battle with esophageal cancer. He was the oldest of six siblings. We all got along well. My three children and I are grateful to both of our families for all the help they gave us throughout George's illness.

My problem is George's brothers, sisters and their families. They have dropped us from their lives. I know they are grieving for their brother. My children and I are grieving for him, too. They say it's "too hard to see us" because there are too many memories.

Abby, I like being with George's family because they remind me of my husband. I don't sit around talking about him all the time, and I don't expect them to do that either. I guess what I'm looking for is a feeling of still belonging. I'm not talking about wanting to be with these people 24/7, just maybe seeing them once every two or three weeks. We all live close to each other.

Losing my husband was devastating, but losing his family makes it ever so much worse. How do I get them to see I need to stay in the family "loop"? -- GEORGE'S WIFE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WIFE: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. You didn't mention how often you saw your in-laws before your husband's death, or what demands there are on their time. However, families are made up of individuals, and it would be interesting to know which of your husband's siblings expressed that it is "too hard to see you," whether they all feel the same way, or if one person was speaking for all of them.

While it may not be possible to remain close to all of your husband's brothers and sisters, it may be possible to stay close with some of them. At the same time, please consider enlarging your social circle. Volunteer work is an excellent way to do that if you have the time. It will also give you less time to dwell on your loss.

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