DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Lulu" moved in with a man I'll call Al a year and a half ago, telling us this was the man she was going to marry and spend the rest of her life with. So my husband and I welcomed him to the family.

They now have a baby, and still there has been no wedding. Al came to us eight months ago to ask our permission to ask Lulu to marry him. We consented. He appears to have had convenient memory loss about asking and -- without going into details -- has proven himself to be extremely self-centered, controlling, and a negative influence on what was once our happy, outgoing daughter.

We now realize that Al is someone we don't care to have in our family, and we'd like to know how (if it's possible) to rescind our blessing on their marriage. -- CHANGED OUR MINDS DOWN SOUTH

DEAR CHANGED OUR MINDS: If I were you, I wouldn't raise the subject of marriage with Al at all. Your daughter's lover appears to be in no hurry to make any trips to the altar. Do, however, "mention" to your daughter that you had hoped she'd find a husband who would cherish her and make her happier than Al seems to have. Be sure to let her know that if she changes her mind about him, you'll welcome her back home with open arms. That way, she'll know she still has a choice.

DEAR ABBY: My problem is that my mother is a control freak. I was raised to respect my parents, but I have just about had it with her controlling ways. She wants to dictate my hair length, color and style, my weight, my love life, what car I drive, what job I have and where I live.

My mother wants me to date only doctors. She has even threatened to cut me out of her will if I "settle" (her word) for someone who doesn't have a medical degree. I was interested in a man who owned his own business, but she made me so miserable that I simply stopped dating.

I want to respect her because she is my mother, and I know she loves me. Can you help me figure out how to get her to back off and let me live my life my way? By the way, I am 41. -- PEACEFUL REBEL IN OHIO

DEAR PEACEFUL REBEL: I'll try. Start by talking with a licensed mental health professional, preferably one who specializes in helping young adults to "individuate" from controlling parents. Once you have a firm grasp of who you are, and what your proper boundaries are, you will be able to confront your mother. After that, you may want to consider relocation, because your mother is off the charts, and she's not likely to change.

DEAR ABBY: I'm planning to host a dinner party next month and invite a few of my friends. I plan for this to be a "girls' night." (We are all between 18 and 23.)

My problem is that most, if not all, of my friends live with their cell phones attached to their ears! As can be expected, most of the calls have to deal with boy drama. I'd like for the evening to be free of all that. How can I politely let my guests know that I'd prefer they don't answer calls at the dinner table? -- POLITE HOSTESS-TO-BE IN TEXAS

DEAR HOSTESS-TO-BE: When you issue the invitations, tell your friends it will be a cell phone-free, ladies-only dinner party. Then, if anyone brings one, you're within your rights to ask her to turn it off, and no one should be offended. (It's called "heading them off at the pass"!)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Worried Friend" prompted me to write. She said her friend "Anne" was in her 40s and still vainly trying to get her mother's approval and love. I, too, allowed my mother to dominate my thoughts and my life. She never approved of who I am. Although I have four successful adult children and have had a successful 28-year career as an educator, nothing I did was ever good enough for Mother.

It took me years to realize that nothing I can do will ever bring her happiness. She didn't find it in her life. But I refuse to let her take away the joy I find in mine.

Anne has more than served her time as a loving daughter. Now it's time for her to live. Love is all around us, and if our mothers cannot provide it, we must seek it elsewhere. -- LOVING, BUT DETACHED, IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR LOVING BUT DETACHED: I agree, but no amount of "telling" that to Anne will free her from her mother's control until she reaches a point where she's ready to hear it. All of the letters I received on this subject echo your sentiments. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My mother is like the one described in "Worried Friend's" letter. When I was 56, I finally acknowledged that Mom's criticism and loathing of me increased proportionately with my efforts to make her happy.

We are now estranged. She lives with my only sibling, a sister, who is furious with me for no longer maintaining the status quo. After the break I struggled with depression, sought psychotherapy and was prescribed anti-depressant medication. Now, a year and a half later, I am healthier emotionally and physically than I have ever been. My life is now based on what is best for me, my husband and my son, who have always loved me for who I am.

I wish Anne the strength and resolve to change, because her mother never will. -- STANDING TALL, SURPRISE, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: My heart goes out to Anne. I, too, wanted my mother's approval and never got it. After Mother died, without realizing what I was doing, I tried seeking approval from my sister -- who was just like our mother. Finally, I realized I will never get approval from her, either.

Because of this long-time-coming realization, I now have peace of mind. Each day is happier because I approve of myself. I have started doing all the things I wanted and needed to do that make me happy.

Please tell Anne's friend to help her to love and approve of herself. It's what saved me. -- HAPPY AT LAST IN UTAH

DEAR ABBY: I had a friend like Anne, whose mother made her life miserable by withholding love and approval. It nearly drove her crazy, until one day her mother died. Anne was 50 by then and had been a doormat all that time for her mother, her daughter, her son and their spouses.

Out of the blue she called me and said she was moving to New Mexico and starting her life over. She and her husband sold their house, packed their van and their dogs, and went to live in a completely new place. I hear from her every few months. While life has had its ups and downs, she's happier than she has ever been in her whole life. I hope Anne's friend doesn't give up on her; she may just be waiting to be set free. -- LAURIE IN PENNSYLVANIA

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing the same dentist for more than 20 years and have been very satisfied. During an earlier checkup, I had been told I had a loose tooth, "but it could tighten up again." I checked the tooth the morning of my most recent visit, and it was fine.

After cleaning my teeth, the hygienist, "Sue," was polishing my teeth when the tool slipped and the metal part hit the "loose" tooth really hard. Sue said, "Oh, sorry!"

When "Dr. Smith" came in for the final check, he said I had a cracked tooth. It was the same tooth. I had not seen a crack that morning, but thought I'd check it again when I got home. There is a big crack across the front of the tooth. If it had been there that morning, I'd have seen it.

I am sure the "hit" cracked the tooth. Only Sue and I know for sure, and I wouldn't know if it hadn't been for the fact that I'd been watching it because it was loose.

Should I talk to Sue or to Dr. Smith or to both of them about this? Should I just get the tooth fixed and forget it? Or should I start hunting for a new dentist? -- DENTAL DILEMMA IN DENVER

DEAR DILEMMA: When Dr. Smith told you your tooth was cracked, you should have spoken up then and asked to see it while you were still in his office. However, because you did not, it's time to call Dr. Smith and tell him what you have told me. I am sure he will want to talk to his hygienist about what happened. (Actually, she should have already informed him.) If the cracked tooth was caused by his employee, it should be fixed without charge. And if it isn't, THEN you should start looking for another dentist.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother of a 1-year-old child. My son's father started using drugs during my pregnancy and still does. I left him when my son was only 3 months old. Our breakup was bitter. He calls my house and curses me out for no reason. I have never done anything wrong to him. He pays no child support because he doesn't work.

I think I need therapy. I don't think I'm emotionally strong enough to be in a relationship with anyone else, and I need to talk about what's going on with me. I blame myself for getting involved with my son's father. I thought he was a nice, trustworthy guy. How could I know that he'd choose drugs over taking care of his child? -- STRESSED-OUT SINGLE MOM, ALEXANDRIA, VA.

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: You are asking intelligent questions. That you are looking for answers before you become emotionally involved again is laudable.

You can find low-cost mental health services by contacting your county Department of Social Services or the Department of Mental Health. The number(s) should be listed in your telephone directory.

P.S. In the meantime, please be a little kinder to yourself and change your phone number. No rule of etiquette says you have to listen to the drug-fueled ravings of an addict.

DEAR ABBY: I know that a GED is equivalent to a high school degree; however, is it misleading to indicate -- on a resume, for example -- that you graduated from high school when you obtained a GED after the fact? -- WONDERING IN KEARNS, UTAH

DEAR WONDERING: Not only is it misleading, it would be a mistake. Many businesses these days do background checks on job applicants, and when it turns out that an applicant lied on his or her resume, they are rejected. Honesty is the best policy.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)