DEAR ABBY: My 53-year-old husband insists on raising the window shade and turning on the light when he takes a bath and when he washes up in the morning. He strips naked to brush his teeth and wash his face while standing 4 feet from the window. The window is large, and it starts just above the bathtub.

I have asked him not to do it because I don't think it's appropriate. I have told him he will be regarded as the "weird old man" in the neighborhood. When I told him the situation bothered me, he stopped for a few weeks. Now he's at it again.

Our yard is large and open, so there's an opportunity for the neighbors to see what's going on. How do I get him to stop? Or should I just let him continue and try to get over it? -- WANTS LESS SOUTHERN EXPOSURE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR WANTS LESS: Your husband isn't "going" to be regarded as a "weird old man" in the neighborhood –- he's already there. That you told him it bothered you and he felt compelled to start again indicates to me that he gets a thrill out of exposing himself in situations where he could get caught.

Because he's in his own home, I don't think he's breaking any laws. However, rather than argue over it, I have a suggestion: Contact a window company and have the bottom half of the bathroom window "frosted." That way, your husband can parade around the way nature made him, and if anyone happens by, there won't be any embarrassment.

DEAR ABBY: I run a small day-care business out of my house. I watch only the children of relatives or friends.

One of my friends wants me to start watching her young daughter, "Sierra," who will turn 6 this summer. The problem is Sierra is terrified of animals, large and small. We have a dog, three cats and a guinea pig. Sierra refuses to even get out of the car and stand in my yard. I think they should find day care elsewhere. They, however, keep insisting that Sierra will be "just fine" and that she understands that, come summer, she'll have to come to my house.

Abby, I think it's cruel and insensitive of them to expect Sierra to "get over it" just like that. I have asked them to start asking Sierra to get out of the car and slowly work her way up to coming in before summer starts, but they just laugh and shrug it off. Please help me make them understand without my having to come right down and refuse to take the child. I'm afraid I'll lose friends over this. -- "MARY POPPINS" IN KENTUCKY

DEAR MARY P.: I believe it was your namesake who coined the phrase, "A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down." Because your concerns are realistic, sweetly tell your friends that you have instituted an "entrance exam." Unless they can prove to you that their daughter can get out of the car, enter your house and interact with the other children, you cannot accept her. They are doing her -– and you -- a disservice by ignoring her animal phobia. Their child may need professional help to get over it. Say it with a smile, but for everyone's sake make the statement.

For the parents to pretend that their daughter's terror of animals will vanish with no intervention on anyone's part is not only unrealistic, it's unfair to their daughter, to you, and to the other children in your care. If they're unwilling to take action, they are not "friends." They are just poor parents who are trying to unload their problem onto you.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have never written you before, but the letter you printed from "Dismayed Grandmother" in Laredo, Texas, brought back memories. I couldn't have been more than 8, and it was my father's birthday. There were flowers on his birthday cake, and he said to me, "Smell the flowers. Go ahead, smell the flowers!" I hesitated, but he insisted, so I bent over the cake to smell the flowers and he pushed my face into the frosting.

I am now 72, and I still remember how it felt to be deceived and humiliated by my father. Other people in the room may have been laughing, but I wasn't. My father thought he was being funny. Instead, he lost his daughter's love and trust that day. -- WISHES HE HADN'T IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR WISHES HE HADN'T: As I said in my reply to "Dismayed Grandmother," I have never found humor at the expense of others to be funny. In fact, I consider it cruel, hostile, and a form of bullying. That a parent would tolerate, much less participate in, the humiliation of his or her child is an appalling breach of trust. Your reaction proves the truth of my statement.

Read on, because the letter to which you referred brought in some interesting mail.

DEAR ABBY: The same thing happened to me. The person who did it was my former father-in-law. He thought it was the funniest thing he had ever seen. Surprisingly, however, when HIS birthday rolled around, it wasn't so funny anymore. Imagine that! -- LAWRENCE IN QUEEN CREEK, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: You missed the boat on the face-in-the-birthday-cake letter. Here in Mexico it is common -- nay, usual -- for the birthday boy or girl (or man or woman) to have his or her face pushed into the cake. After the candles are blown out, the birthday person is supposed to take a little bite of the cake with his or her mouth -- not using any utensils -- for good luck. It is usually when the person's face is near the cake that someone standing behind him or her pushes their face into it.

I assume that's what happened at the party the grandmother attended, since it was from Laredo, Texas, which is on the border with Mexico. I personally do not enjoy being pushed into the cake (as I have been on several occasions), and yes, some kids do cry when it happens. But it's all done in fun, and I believe it's important to be a good sport about it.

Whether this tradition should or should not be continued is debatable -- but frankly, you are not the one who should be debating (or criticizing) it. When you referred to this custom as a form of "bullying," you were speaking from a U.S. cultural perspective. You and the letter writer may have been "aghast" out of cultural ignorance -- just as people from other countries might consider the "pinching" (ow!) that happens on St. Patrick's Day in the United States to be physical abuse. -- ROBIN IN MEXICO CITY

DEAR ABBY: Birthday parties shouldn't involve tears, and it's a shame that the boy's celebration was spoiled by this tradition. The hosts of the party should have better prepared the child for the event.

I was introduced to that birthday tradition while living and teaching in northern Mexico. It shocked me the first time it happened, but students explained that, for many children, it's an eagerly anticipated part of their birthday celebration. -- AMY IN CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man I'll call Joe for 2 1/2 years. We usually take turns paying for dinner and other outings. This arrangement works well, except when it's Joe's turn to pay for a meal. He leaves embarrassingly paltry tips. He normally leaves 10 percent or less -- but I have seen him leave nothing when we have had reasonably good service.

I have asked Joe why he does this. He says I have no right to question him, since it's his prerogative. But, Abby, there are restaurants I'd like to return to, and I don't feel comfortable doing so because of the bad impression I am sure we left.

At a rather pricey restaurant recently, when Joe chose not to tip the waiter, I casually pulled a bill from my purse and left it on the table. Joe blew up and called it an insult. What do I do? -- NEEDS A "TIP" IN HOUSTON

DEAR NEEDS: If I were you, I'd be more concerned about the fact that your boyfriend feels you "have no right to question him" than the fact that he's cheap when it comes to leaving gratuities. People who handle disagreements the way he does make poor life partners. "What you should do" is make a list of your boyfriend's good points and his bad ones, see how they balance out and whether the benefit is worth the cost emotionally, and act accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 20s. I work nearly full time, attend college full time, am in a serious relationship, and my behavior is very professional. However, I look quite young. Most people say I look between 14 and 16.

I work at a school where many people mistake me for a student, and my professionalism and ability are often overlooked. Even when I go to the store, people younger than I am call me "Sweetie," or some other childish name. What can I do to appear my age? I don't want to look older than I am, just to look my age and appear mature. Please help. -- NO LONGER A FRESHMAN

DEAR NO LONGER: The time may be here for a "makeover." Make an appointment with a hairdresser and makeup artist to see how they can give you a more businesslike and sophisticated persona. If it isn't already, your attire at work should be conservative, no-nonsense and businesslike.

Because you say your professionalism and ability are not appreciated, please consider assertiveness training. Lower the tone of your voice, speak louder, and if you feel you have been "overlooked," say, "Excuse me ..." and repeat what's on your mind.

DEAR ABBY: I was molested by my father when I was 8. I am now 28, and I thought I'd gotten over it. I have had no contact with my father since I was 14.

I recently heard that he was living like a bum on the streets, and was treated for an overdose of someone else's prescription for psych meds. He is now in a home, and my brother, who lives near him, does what he can. My thought is, how dare he expect any of his children to care at all about him?

On the other hand, it's medically documented that he is "mental." Are we supposed to have compassion for the mentally ill? -- DAUGHTER OF A CRAZY, AVON, IND.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Compassion, yes. Amnesia, no. Much would depend upon whether your father was delusional when he molested you. But no one -- including me -- would blame you if you kept your distance under the circumstances.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)