DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together nearly five years. We have two beautiful children.

Over the weekend, I had a friend over. We had a few drinks, and my husband asked if I wanted to try "something new." I thought he meant between us, but when I said yes, he went to my friend and asked her to join us! We had never discussed having a third person join us in our "private time." I would never be with anyone besides my husband.

Why would he ask her without consulting me? I am really hurt and offended because now I think he is interested in her, and I'm not enough for him. He did apologize. He said he thought that's what I wanted.

I no longer know how to act around him because he made me feel so worthless. Should I forgive him? -- HELEN IN HOLLYWOOD

DEAR HELEN: I don't know how many drinks your husband had, but it appears he had at least one too many and acted on an impulse to live out a sexual fantasy. Should you forgive him? Yes, but not until you have hashed this whole episode out in the sober light of day -- and are fully assured that he's faithful and intends to remain that way.

DEAR ABBY: A new family moved into our neighborhood a couple of weeks ago. They have this little tube tacked next to their front door they call a "me-zoo-zah." I'm embarrassed to ask them what it's for. Have you ever heard of one, and can you answer my question? -- CURIOUS IN IRVINE, CALIF.

DEAR CURIOUS: The little tube is a MEZUZAH, and it's hung on the doorposts of the homes of observant Jewish people. The cylinder contains a parchment scroll inscribed with verses from the Old Testament written in Hebrew, which remind the dwellers every time they leave or enter to be faithful to the Commandments and to Jewish values. (One wit has suggested that the tubes are actually electrically charged to "zap" any anti-Semite who tries to enter!)

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column ever since I immigrated to the United States from Asia in 1990. It has been a very useful tool for me in learning about your culture.

Now I need your help. I am going back to work soon, and it is hard on the kids. They do not want to go to day care after school -- they are 10 and 5 -- but they cannot stay home alone. They still need supervision.

The reason I am going back to work is because we need the money. My husband was laid off after 30 years working at one company. However, he cannot take early retirement because he is still too young.

Should I mention to the kids that we are heading for financial trouble, so that's why they have to go to day care? Please reply ASAP. My husband has found a job, but we need the extra income. -- FAITHFUL READER IN TEXAS

DEAR READER: Tell your children that you love them and are doing what you feel is best for them. However, telling them your family is "headed for financial trouble" might be a burden that is too heavy to place on them. It's enough to say that you have taken the job temporarily because the family "needs the money right now." They will be able to understand that without becoming frightened or insecure.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Are you feeling down today because you don't have a special Valentine? The surest cure for the blues is to do something for someone else. So how about logging on to OperationDearAbby.net and sending a Valentine message to our troops stationed away from home today? I guarantee it'll give you a lift, and give a boost to the spirits of our servicemen and women who could use one.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for your continued support of victims of domestic and dating violence. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, a day filled with romance for many couples. Unfortunately, for some, it is like any other day -- filled with fear, anxiety and violence.

The sad truth is, every year, close to 4 million American women experience a serious assault by someone who said they loved them. I would like to remind your readers that domestic and dating violence is not just physical abuse. It can also be sexual, emotional, economic or psychological abuse. It is actions, or threats of actions, meant to frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any age, race, sexual orientation, religion, gender or socioeconomic background. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or dating.

With Valentine's Day only a day away, let's work to keep our loved ones safe. -- SHERYL CATES, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE

DEAR SHERYL: Thank you for your important letter. As readers of my column know, your organization is one I have relied upon for years to help victims of abuse. If anyone reading this column today feels she is being abused, or knows of someone who is being abused, I hope she will call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The toll-free number is (800) 799-7233 (SAFE). The number for people with hearing disabilities is (800) 787-3224 (TTY). You can also log onto the Web site at www.ndvh.org. There is help available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The danger is great, so please don't wait to contact them.

DEAR ABBY: My dear friend "Rose" has a 3-year-old great-granddaughter I'll call "Andrea." I am concerned because the child does not play nicely with her dolls. She chokes them, bashes their heads against the wall and "drowns" them in the bathtub.

Rose and her daughter think it is funny. I think Andrea needs help.

The little girl doesn't get hit or abused herself, but she has an on-again, off-again father who has beaten up her mother on more than one occasion. And there has been a new baby in the house since November. Should I suggest counseling? -- WORRIED IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR WORRIED: Andrea appears to be a very angry little girl who is using her dolls to channel her aggression. She may feel displaced by her new sibling. It might help to suggest to Rose that she and her daughter give Andrea more attention because you are concerned that she might take her resentment out on the baby. If that fails to improve the child's behavior, then point out that a visit with a child psychologist might be in order.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, a male friend and I decided to save our spare change in a jar for a road trip. There are now three large jars, and they're all at my house.

During the time that we've been saving, my friend and I have grown apart. It's not that we don't like each other anymore, but sometimes that's the way things go.

There is nearly $300 in the jars, and I'd like to give him his share, but I have no idea how to do it. There is no way of knowing how much of the money is his and how much is mine. There isn't an even amount in the jars, and I'm considering giving all of it to him. What do you suggest? -- TRYING TO BE FAIR IN N.C.

DEAR TRYING: Either get a neutral friend to help you count the money, or "guesstimate" the amount in the jars and write the man a check for half. It's better than cheating yourself out of your share of what you have accumulated. Or, with your friend's approval, the entire amount could be donated to charity.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three months, "Josh," and I are having a disagreement. I was married to my ex-husband for seven years and had two beautiful sons with him. I am no longer in love with my ex and we do not spend any time alone together. However, after our divorce six years ago, we agreed it would be best to remain on good terms for the sake of our boys. We spend holidays, birthdays and special events jointly with our sons.

Josh has a very difficult time with this. He thinks that once you're divorced, it's over. You don't sit together at functions. Josh doesn't even want him to come into the house to pick up the boys.

I care deeply for Josh and don't want to lose him over this, but I'm at my wit's end. I want my children to know that even though their parents are no longer married, we can be civil and get along. Can you help me with this? -- "STUCK" IN NEW YORK

DEAR "STUCK": I commend you and your ex-husband for your maturity and determination that your children will see you as a united front, even though you're no longer married. It saddens me that the man with whom you are now involved is insecure and unable to appreciate the wisdom of your decision.

If your boyfriend is willing, I'd recommend some couples counseling to help him calm his jealousy. Please discuss it with him. However, if he refuses, then he has already told you what you need to know about the future of your relationship and the degree to which he values it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old mother of two. I have been having serious issues with my daughter, who is 9. She has come to me asking questions like, "What is rape?" and "Why does it happen all the time?" She wants to know what she can do to prevent being raped.

I was raped as a child, and twice more in my teens. I have a big problem even talking to my children about sex. How can I get over this very uncomfortable feeling and be able to answer my children's questions honestly and without having to say "not now," or trying to change the subject? -- NEEDS HELP IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEEDS HELP: You're asking intelligent questions. The answer is to get psychological counseling to help you deal with the unresolved issues related to the rapes you suffered as a young girl. Your physician should be able to refer you to a licensed therapist. After that, there are books at the library that can help you to answer your daughter's questions. Please don't wait any longer. Do it now.

DEAR ABBY: My adult children complain that when they send me photos of their kids who are missing teeth, I photo-edit them and replace the teeth. I am guilty as charged, but I think it looks better -- so why not do it?

They claim that part of the "charm" of the children's photos is the missing teeth, the cowlicks, the twisted tie, etc. In this electronic age, who is right? -- DEDE IN TACOMA, WASH.

DEAR DEDE: They are. The pictures they are sending you are not those of child models. Your grandchildren are normal children, and normal children are works in progress. My question to you is, why can't you accept them for exactly who they are in their current stage of development?

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)