DEAR READERS: As promised, I'm continuing yesterday's topic about finding Mr. (or Ms.) Right. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I would like to offer some suggestions to the successful career woman who asked if she and her friends should "dumb themselves down" in order to find a man:
When people let frustration and pouting get the best of them, they give off a bad vibe that no one finds attractive. She needs to continue with her success. She should get out of the house, do things she enjoys, go to parties, parks, sporting events, church, art classes, wine tastings -- whatever! Mr. Right won't magically show up on her doorstep, and she'll be happier in the meantime doing what makes her happy.
It's OK to talk with friends and co-workers about her single status. Do they know she's available and open for suggestions and blind dates? The person she meets may not be Mr. Right, but he may have a friend who could be. Has she tried online dating sites? There's one for just about everyone.
Instead of looking for "Mr. Perfect," look for "Mr. Perfect-for-YOU." Make a list of the qualities that you can't live without and then stick to it. And, last but not least, she should list all the great qualities she has to offer, and post it where she can see it every day. If she keeps reminding herself that she is a catch, she'll get caught! -- HAVE FAITH, COLUMBIA, S.C.
DEAR HAVE FAITH: Your comments are terrific, and I hope the woman who wrote me (and others!) take them to heart. That so many people identified with that letter and reached out is heartwarming. Thanks for wanting to help. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: In my area of about 150,000 people, there's a shortage of women. Many single, successful straight men find it hard to thrive amidst all the noise, pollution and crime of a big city.
Look at the statistics -- the new exurbia is where to find a lot of single engineers, scientists, financial and insurance executives. I know smart women who have moved here just to meet men and have promptly gotten married. (And if they absolutely, positively want to be married, they should consider moving to Alaska!) -- STEVE IN RICHLAND, WASH.
DEAR STEVE: It would certainly be worth an exploratory vacation trip to find out.
DEAR ABBY: Instead of bemoaning their situation, those women should revel in it as I did. I moved my career forward, took up off-road cycling, traveled the world, took classes, went to plays -- you name it. I married for the first time at 36. But I'm glad I can look back at my single years with so many fond memories of the adventures I had. And if Mr. Right never comes along, she may be too busy to notice. -- BEEN THERE IN WISCONSIN
DEAR ABBY: She needs to "broaden her customer base." Someone from a completely different background might be less likely to be threatened by her success in her field. The bonus is twofold. She'll meet a whole new crowd and discover new interests. Nothing is more attractive than a person enjoying herself. -- TRENT IN CATHEDRAL CITY, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: Smart women who have trouble finding men for relationships should join Mensa. Mensa members come from every demographic and have one thing in common: They are in the top 2 percent of the population intelligence-wise. -- HELPFUL READER IN THE U.S.A.
DEAR HELPFUL: Good suggestion. Not everyone finds love in Mensa, but it's a wonderful way to meet other people who value intelligence in both men and women. To learn more about Mensa, log on to www.mensa.org or www.us.mensa.org.
Tomorrow, I'll reprint my own handy-dandy suggestions for meeting eligible people.