DEAR ABBY: Regarding "Stressed-Out Driver," whose boyfriend wants her to drive him to and from the airport -- you blew it! That boyfriend -- and you -- are out of touch with current reality. No one in his right mind would permit, much less encourage, his girlfriend to travel alone by car, cab, bus or subway during the hours of darkness as a "romantic gesture." It could result in her suffering severe mental or physical injury as a result of a car-jacking, assault, rape or kidnapping.

Please reverse your stance and caution all women to limit their exposure to violent criminals by avoiding unnecessary nighttime travel, particularly while they are alone.

Personally, I think she'd be better off finding a boyfriend who is more concerned with her personal safety. -- JACK B., COL., U.S. ARMY, RET.

DEAR JACK: Although other readers disagreed with my reply, I think you may have overstated your case. If your thesis is that all women must remain inside after dark due to threat of car-jacking, assault, rape or kidnapping, allow me to point out that those crimes also happen during daylight hours. Would the solution be that women not be allowed out without permission from, and escorted by, a male relative? (Just kidding.) Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The woman who wrote you is an example of modern women today. They expect everything but aren't willing to put forth any effort, sacrifice, or give back to their partner. She should be ashamed of her attitude. I hope her boyfriend recognizes her letter and dumps her, because this is just the tip of the iceberg! -- TONY IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your answer to the woman who doesn't like to drive at night, yet her boyfriend wants her to meet him at the airport after a business trip. He should use a car service and charge it as a business expense. Why should she subsidize his business travel?

What he calls a romantic gesture sounds more like a gesture of control to me. If he hired a car service, they could both enjoy the ride, giving each other their full attention, without having to watch the road. -- ARTHUR IN OSSINING, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: What's romantic about dragging yourself out of bed at midnight to make a stressful trip to the airport? Alert cab drivers get paid to do that. I think his attitude is controlling and selfish. Pampered men don't make good husbands. She should get rid of him, or she'll be cutting the grass every week for the rest of her life. -- FRED IN ROUND ROCK, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: My story is a little different from "Stressed Out's," but it applies. I live near a beautiful trail in California. If you take the path to the left, it takes about an hour and a half to walk, and it is beautiful and peaceful. My husband always wanted me to walk that way. On the occasions when I agreed to walk, I'd insist we go the opposite way, which took only 45 minutes and wasn't nearly as pretty. I had too much to do and not enough time to do it, considering the kids, the errands, the house, etc.

Now I walk that trail the long way almost every day, but I'm doing it alone. My husband died two years ago. Now I ask myself what was so important I couldn't take the extra 45 minutes to go the longer and more beautiful way with him. It's the little things I miss the most, Abby. Life is so short, and there are no guarantees. -- ALONE NOW IN CALIFORNIA

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: While visiting my aunt over the Thanksgiving holiday, I noticed your booklet, "Keepers," on her coffee table. While thumbing through it, I came across a poem that made me think of my mother, who died in early September. I was missing her terribly at that moment, and the poem lifted my spirits and comforted me. I asked my aunt where she had gotten the booklet, and she told me she had ordered it from you last spring.

Is it still available, and how can I get some of them? I'd love to share that poem and some of the others in your collection with my sisters and brothers. -- ISLAND GIRL FROM OAHU

DEAR ISLAND GIRL: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. I'm sure the holidays this year were especially poignant for you and your siblings, but please know that your mother would not have wanted her death to bring you sadness. She gave you life, and would want you to make the most out of every day that you are given.

Yes, my Keepers booklet is still available. It contains some of the most frequently requested poems and essays that have appeared in this column. To order it, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After 26 years of marriage, my parents seem headed for divorce. My father is the one who wants it, and it sent my manic-depressive mother into the hospital with thoughts of suicide.

Now I am in the middle. My mother doesn't want to talk to my father, so the only information he can get is from me. He has mentioned several times the idea of my moving back home and taking care of her. (He is planning to move out in a month.)

Abby, I only recently got out on my own, and I am enjoying my independence. I love my mother and don't want to lose her, but I am resistant to moving back into a house where I have experienced so much pain. Am I being selfish? What should I do? -- FEELING GUILTY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: The person who's being selfish is your father. He's trying to talk you into assuming the responsibility he assumed when he promised to "love, honor and cherish" your mother at the time of their marriage. If your mother were in her right mind, she would not want you to sacrifice your independence. Do not allow your father to guilt you into moving back. This is his problem. Please do not allow him to make it yours.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 15-year-old son. "Max" has just announced that he has a girlfriend. He talks to her on the phone constantly. I have met her, and she's a very nice girl.

I had the "sex" talk with Max. I explained about AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, and how some girls who say they're on the pill really aren't, and that the pill does not protect either partner from STDs. I also gave my son condoms (only two) and explained that it was not permission to have sex. However, I'm afraid he might not listen and do it anyway. If that happens, I want my boy to be protected.

I have gotten conflicting opinions from friends about having given Max the condoms. Do you think I did the right thing? -- DON'T WANNA BE A GRANDMA (YET) IN MANHATTAN BEACH

DEAR DON'T: I absolutely think you did the right thing, also the intelligent and pragmatic thing -- and in exactly the right order.

DEAR ABBY: My beloved husband passed away in early October, leaving a hobby cabinet filled with expensive items. It had never been kept locked. The keys were always left hanging in the lock. The day before the visitation at the funeral home, my son quietly locked the cabinet, pocketed the keys and took them with him. The next day, my husband's brother told me what my son had done and expressed concern about his intentions regarding the contents of the cabinet as well as the expensive hobby items in my husband's workroom.

I was shocked and upset. I felt my son had violated the privacy of my home by locking the cabinet and leaving with the keys. Therefore, I called him and told him I wanted them returned the next day. My son began crying and saying, "Mom, why are you doing this to me?"

I was perplexed then and remain perplexed as to how he thought I was doing anything "to him" inasmuch as it was he who had locked me out of a cabinet in my own home. I felt then, and continue to feel, that I had every right to tell him I wanted the keys back. A few days later, my son told me he was "crushed, CRUSHED!" by my request.

My son's wife is an attorney. She sees nothing wrong with what my son did, and in fact, has criticized me for my remarks about his "secreting the keys from my home."

Please tell me, was I wrong in wanting the keys returned, and was my son wrong in what he did? Also, what do you think of my daughter-in-law's position? This man is my only child, and he is no longer speaking to me! -- DISTRESSED MOM, ORMOND BEACH, FLA.

DEAR DISTRESSED: You were certainly within your rights to ask for the keys to be returned immediately. That your son would take it upon himself to lock a cabinet in your home and take the keys without first checking to see if it was all right with you, was extremely presumptuous.

My reaction to his reaction when you pointed that out to him is, "The best defense is a good offense." In other words, he was attempting to make you feel guilty for calling him on what he had done. As to his wife's position -- there's a country-and-western song title that describes it perfectly: "Stand by Your Man."

You have my sympathy -- first for the loss of your husband, and second for the loss of your illusions about your child. Please, I urge you, do not allow him to emotionally blackmail you. He owes you an apology.

DEAR ABBY: One of my husband's friends gave me a "white elephant" gift this week. To be specific, it was more like a pink pig gift. That's right -- I got a fuzzy pink pig that snores and says something about eating slop. My husband was given a beautiful leather wallet!

He says I'm being paranoid to think his friend gave me the pig to make fun of me. He says his friend is a prankster, not a critic. I say, how would he like it if we gave his girlfriend a stuffed pig? What do you think about this, Abby? -- FRAN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR FRAN: I think that if ever a gift begged to be re-gifted, it's your fuzzy pink pig. Next Christmas, wrap it beautifully and return it to the prankster. Be sure to include a small container of Pepto-Bismol. It's pink, so it will coordinate nicely. Perhaps it will neutralize some of the acid in the man's sense of humor.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)