DEAR ABBY: I have been married for seven years. I was looking for a document on my computer recently and found some pornography my husband had downloaded. What was most shocking was that he had done some computer artwork on some of it, and superimposed my 15-year-old niece's face onto the girl in the picture.
I then went through my husband's things and found a tape from our camcorder. He had hidden it in our bedroom and tried to videotape me after I had gotten out of the shower. I was not surprised. I had caught him trying to tape us having sex without my knowing last year.
I no longer feel comfortable with him physically, and I don't care if we get divorced. I don't know if I can ever trust him again. Is my husband a pervert with a serious problem?
We have a son who is almost 4. Is divorce easier when the children are smaller, since they won't remember as much? Please help me. I just don't know what to do. -- GROSSED OUT IN GREAT FALLS
DEAR GROSSED OUT: Your husband has serious problems. By substituting your niece's face for that of the girl in the picture, he has shown that he has an incestuous interest in a minor. And by attempting to videotape you during intimate moments without your consent, he has shown that he has no respect for your feelings. If he refuses to get professional help, show the picture to the parents of your niece.
Divorce is never easy on children, but your son will accept it more easily if you do it now rather than when he is older and expects you to explain the reason in logical terms.