DEAR ABBY: I am 21 and my girlfriend, "Jody," is 19. The other day she was invited to a party at which she told me she intended to smoke marijuana. She knows I disapprove of drugs and alcohol. When I became upset, she told me to "lighten up."

I love Jody with all my heart and want nothing bad to happen to her, so I wrote an anonymous letter to her mother explaining the situation. Jody didn't get into trouble, but her brother did because he had marijuana on him at the time. Because I told her mother what was going to happen, nobody was able to do what they intended at the party.

Now they're all mad at me. I have been getting hate messages on my answering machine and via e-mail. Jody promised to call me before the party, but she didn't and went anyway.

I visited her at work and tried to talk with her, but she isn't speaking to me. I have apologized countless times, saying I didn't mean for anyone to get in trouble. I love her more than anything, but I don't feel any love in return. I am very shy, so I find it hard to talk to her. What can I do? -- HURTING IN IOWA

DEAR HURTING: You have done enough. It doesn't take a crystal ball to see that your relationship with Jody is over, at least for now. Please forgive me for being a "downer," but it's time to accept the fact that you and Jody are at different levels of maturity and heading down different paths. When and if this girl matures, she may realize the fine qualities you have to offer. But I have a feeling that by the time that happens, you'll be long gone and in love with someone whose values are more similar to your own.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married almost 22 years and are happily child-free. We have always lived far from our relatives and see them only every three or four years.

At a recent gathering of my husband's siblings, his oldest sister (now a grandmother) was extremely aggressive in her insistence that we hold, kiss and interact with her 11-day-old grandchild (her latest). When we attempted to rebuff her with humor, saying, "Oh, we just don't do babies!" she became hostile and insulting. It made us both very uncomfortable.

Because of this, we are now considering skipping any future visits because her behavior will undoubtedly be repeated. I don't want bad blood in the family. However, I refuse to be treated with disrespect.

Should we confront the sister and let her know how her behavior made us feel? -- NO BABIES, PLEASE, MARLBOROUGH, MASS.

DEAR NO BABIES, PLEASE: Parents and grandparents can be blind to the fact that not everyone is comfortable with small children. Your sister-in-law regarded your reluctance to hold her grandchild as a personal rejection.

Please don't skip the next family reunion. With any luck, there won't be any new grandchildren to be forced on you. And if there are, smile and say, "I prefer babies at a distance, in the arms of their parents," and keep your hands at your sides.

DEAR ABBY: It's a well-known fact that I don't drive. However, no matter where I go, people ask me how I got there. I am a very private person and resent people asking me that question. I would like a good answer. Thank you. -- FRAN IN BUFFALO, N.Y.

DEAR FRAN: Smile and say, "The stork brought me."

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DEAR ABBY: I turned 21 on the 11th of last month, and my friends wanted me to celebrate with "21 shots" of liquor. But after reading your columns about the 21 deadly birthday shots, I told them it was one tradition I wouldn't be trying.

Thank you for addressing this issue and printing the letters from the parents. I decided that my life is more important than impressing my friends. Your article was a sign from God to me. My thanks also to all the concerned parents who wrote to you. -- TARA IN CLINTON, MISS.

DEAR TARA: I'm pleased beyond words that the column helped you to make that wise decision. Too many young adults cave in to peer pressure and put their lives at risk when a "shot" of common sense would prevent it. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The other night, my 19-year-old daughter, "Erin," told me about a "game" some teens are playing for kicks. She didn't seem to realize it could get her killed.

Abby, Erin jumped on the hood of a friend's truck and he took off as fast as he could. He was unaware that she didn't have her grip. When he slammed on the brakes, she went flying and landed on her back. She hit her head, scraped her back, backside and elbows, then hit her head again. She got up and nearly fainted, but no one bothered to call an ambulance or take her to the hospital.

Talking with people, I'm hearing that this game is not uncommon. I'm still shaken about how close I came to losing my daughter. Please, Abby, warn kids that these games are life-threatening, that burying a child or caring for one who is brain-damaged for life IS a big deal. -- STUNNED MOTHER, ESCONDIDO, CALIF.

DEAR MOTHER: I'm spreading the word in the hope that it will cause some of the risk-takers to wake up and realize that no one is invincible. However, strongly as I might stress that message, the following letter that arrived in the same batch as yours may be even more compelling. My advice to you is to do whatever you must to get your daughter away from the immature and irresponsible crowd she's hanging around with. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Last weekend, a 16-year-old young man was killed when he fell off a moving car while "body-surfing" on the roof of the vehicle. The police think the teenager had been lying on the roof of the car when he fell and struck his head on the pavement and a guard rail. The driver told police that his friend had seen "car-surfing" on an MTV show called "Jackass."

What a senseless waste of a life! That boy had his whole lifetime ahead of him. People should be educated in the laws of physics. If they were, perhaps a tragedy such as this one could have been averted. -- STEVE IN COOKEVILLE, TENN.

DEAR STEVE: My deepest sympathy goes to that boy's family. I'm sure that when he decided to repeat a stunt he saw on television, he had no clue it would cause his own death and his family a lifetime of heartbreak.

After reading your letter, I spoke with Roberto Peccei, Ph.D., vice chancellor for research at UCLA, who kindly explained that the law of physics you mentioned is the Law of Inertia. It means that unless you are secured to a moving object (i.e., a car), you will continue moving forward at the same speed the car was going if the driver slams on the brakes! That's why it's so important that passengers wear seat belts.

I only hope that any teen who sees this and is tempted to car-surf will think again.

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DEAR ABBY: I am an armed forces veteran who spent a tour of duty in Iraq in 2004. My wife and I separated three years ago, and she and our four children now reside in another state. Neither of us has "moved on," and we may reconcile later in life.

I am writing about my oldest son, "Jon," who is 18 and not yet out of high school due to poor grades. He and I do not have a good relationship and have very different views regarding life and politics. Jon was, and still is, bitter over his mother and me separating.

When I returned from Iraq on mid-tour leave, I gave him the uniform jacket I wore in combat with all the rank, flags, name tags, etc., on it as a gift. I know from my own youth that I would have been proud to have had something from my uncles or father that they wore during the war. Jon started wearing it as soon as I gave it to him, and I was proud of him to do so.

I have not seen him much since my return to the United States from the war. However, I did see him a little over a month ago and noticed that he's still wearing the jacket. My wife says he wears it often. He has written an anarchy symbol in permanent marker on the American flag on the right sleeve under my combat patch. I am angry and disappointed, but I didn't make waves. I am not sure how to handle this, and I'm afraid that a returning soldier may take one look and vent his problems from combat tour of duty on my son. -- AMERICAN VET IN ALABAMA

DEAR AMERICAN VET: Your son may have defaced the jacket to punish you for the separation, or as a political statement. We live in a country that guarantees freedom of speech. Ask him if he realizes the effect that the anarchy symbol he penned on the American flag may have on other vets (including you). If the answer is yes, then he may have to learn the hard way what can happen when someone does something that's deliberately inflammatory.

DEAR ABBY: My husband left me a year ago, and our divorce became final two months ago. We have a 3-year-old daughter who lives primarily with me, but sees him frequently.

I am a preschool teacher, and my daughter attends classes at the same school where I teach. I have just learned that my ex was dating -- and is still communicating with -- one of my co-teachers, "Danielle." Ironically, she and I were working in the same classroom when he left me, and I cried on her shoulder about the situation. We bonded because her husband had left her.

It gets worse. It seems at least one other teacher has known about the situation for several months. Danielle was apparently reading e-mails from my ex in the staff room and shared a message with the other teacher, whispering, "Shhh ..." as she pointed to his name on the screen.

I feel furious, betrayed and humiliated. I think my ex is pond scum, and Danielle is simply evil. I don't want my daughter connected to this woman in any way. I have to see Danielle every day, and I don't know what to say or do. So far, I have been avoiding her. Any advice? -- EX-WIFE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR EX-WIFE: I don't blame you for feeling betrayed, but you can't control who your ex sees or who might be with him when your daughter visits her dad. My advice is to keep your cool and continue to avoid Danielle. There is nothing to be gained -- and you could have a lot to lose -- if you create a scene at the school. Should you run into her away from the school and choose to give her a piece of your mind, that's your privilege. But don't count on shaming the shameless -- because that's what she is.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)