DEAR ABBY: Don't most of us enjoy stories from our parents' and grandparents' past? During the last few years of my mother's life, she was confined to her home and then to a nursing home.

I urged her to write her memories of childhood in a lined notebook that I provided. On one hand, those stories needed to be preserved for my children, and on the other, it gave my mother a project to work on and keep her mind active. She enjoyed it and filled about 20 pages. She described her childhood days, then continued through courtship, marriage, my birth, struggles through the Great Depression, and the building of a new home. It gave us a clear view of times gone by -- a family treasure in her handwriting.

My reason for writing this is to remind your readers to ask those old-timers to write their memories before those treasured stories pass into oblivion. -- ROBERT H., BADIN, N.C.

DEAR ROBERT: Thank you for the reminder. And readers, maybe you should jot down your own recollections yourselves. On another note, every year I hear from older people on fixed incomes who are worried because they don't have enough money to buy gifts for their families. Something like this would make a priceless gift.

P.S. It could even be video- or audio-taped if a friend or family member has the equipment.

DEAR ABBY: When is the appropriate time to stop "baby talk" with your children? My son has just turned 3, and I'm starting to get looks from friends whenever I speak to him in an overly sweet way or use pet names. My family has a long history of "baby talk" that still gets used regularly. I always found it annoying, but now I find it difficult to break the habit with my son. Should I be addressing him as if he's a little professor? I think a kid should still be treated like a kid. -- JULIE IN SPRING, TEXAS

DEAR JULIE: You recall that when baby talk was addressed to you, you found it annoying. What it is, is condescending. The time to break the habit is now. Your son is no longer a baby, and if you continue talking to him as if he is, he, too, will find it embarrassing.

Treat him in a way that is age-appropriate, but teach him proper English and correct terminology now so there will be less for him to unlearn when he's around his peers.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is being married soon, and he's planning to have his dog serve as the ring bearer in the wedding. My 2-year-old daughter will be the flower girl.

My mother thinks that having a dog in the wedding is disrespectful and she's worried about what the guests will think. She plans to tell my brother that she doesn't approve.

The dog is well behaved and, frankly, my daughter is more likely to cause a problem than the dog. I think a wedding is completely up to the couple, and they should do whatever will make the day special for them. What do you think? -- DOGGONE WEDDING PARTY

DEAR WEDDING PARTY: Point out to your well-meaning mother that everyone in the family will be happier if she worries less about what the wedding guests will say and concentrates more on the happiness of the occasion. Your brother having his dog as his ring bearer isn't as "fur out" as she fears. It has been done by other animal lovers before, and I'm sure it will be again.

DEAR ABBY: Two weeks before my wedding, my mother announced that she was leaving my father. Now, two months after my wedding, their divorce papers have been filed.

I am 23 years old and should be able to handle the news, but I cannot. I have been devastated by the end of a marriage that I thought was a good one until only a few months ago.

My mother is now behaving like a college student. She parties all night, dates several guys at once, and calls to tell me about it. I have quit answering my phone when I see it is her.

I don't answer my father's calls either. All he does is complain about being lonely and broke, and a single father to my teenage brother.

I don't want to hear their stories or be their confidante. I need time to mourn the breakup of my parents' marriage. My own marriage is suffering because of the recent turn of events and it doesn't seem fair. What can I do? -- NOT-SO-HAPPY NEWLYWED

DEAR NOT SO HAPPY: Please accept my sympathy for the demise of your parents' marriage. If you were in the dark about the fact that they had been having problems until just before your wedding, it is understandable that you are in shock and grieving. You must also be wondering if what you thought was real was only a mirage.

For the sake of your emotional well-being and to protect your own marriage, I hope you will take the advice I am about to offer. Inform your mother that you cannot/will not be her confidante. Period. Then let your father know that although you feel sympathy for him, you cannot be his trouble dump either, because it's affecting your marriage. Explain that if he needs a place to "vent" -- and I'm sure he does -- he should do it with a professional counselor.

You may need counseling yourself, right now, in order to get your own head straight, so please do it now rather than later. Your problem isn't that your parents' marriage didn't make it to the finish line. It's that they hid their problems so well, you are no longer sure what a healthy marriage looks like

DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old single mother of two, pregnant with my third child. Because of my current circumstances, I have decided the best thing to do is place this child up for adoption. I have a lot of support in this, including my other children.

My problem is with strangers. People I don't know constantly ask questions about the upcoming birth, including name choices and gender. How do I stop all the questions without going into detail about my plans? I have tried simply saying, "I'm placing the child for adoption," but then people have the nerve to start questioning my judgment! -- PEEVED AND PREGNANT

DEAR PEEVED: The people asking questions about your baby are trying to reach out and be supportive. They have no idea that this is a sensitive subject.

When you are asked about the gender of the child, or what you plan to name it, smile and tell them you don't know the sex of the baby and no name has been chosen yet. Then either change the subject or walk away. No rule of etiquette demands that you continue a conversation with a stranger.

DEAR ABBY: Please explain the saying, "No good deed goes unpunished." I have heard it many times, but can't imagine where it comes from. -- CURIOUS IN GEORGIA

DEAR CURIOUS: It probably originated from bitter experience. It is usually uttered when someone has tried to do something for someone else, and instead of being grateful for it, the recipient finds fault or resents it.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Several of my friends and I were bemoaning our status as single women in our late 20s/early 30s, and discussing an article we had read in The New York Times about how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married. But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?

I have a feeling you'll say to be ourselves and it will all work out, but thus far it has NOT worked out, and we're starting to worry. Personally, I think we'd be better off to take jobs as "administrators" in a large company somewhere and hope for the best.

Help, Abby! What's the answer for smart, fun women who have their acts together? How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves? -- LOSING FAITH IN FINDING MR. RIGHT

DEAR LOSING FAITH: The truth is, there are no guarantees that ANYONE (male or female) will land a mate. It isn't easy these days because people are commitment-phobic. And this applies to individuals at all economic and educational levels, not just you at the top. Pairing off is often a matter of luck and timing -- being in the right place at the right time.

Eligible members of both sexes can be found in places of common interest -- places that are intellectually rewarding, culturally stimulating, athletically challenging or financially advantageous. As to whether you should downgrade your job level in order to appear less "threatening," I guarantee that if you don't take financial care of yourselves while you can, you will regret it later. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you could fool some of the bachelors some of the time, but you couldn't fool all of them all of the time.

There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not. So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby. We chose a mature, Christian couple to be our child's godparents. However, my brother-in-law is infuriated over the fact that he's not the godparent. He has disowned my husband and wants nothing to do with us.

Behavior such as this in the past is part of the reason he wasn't chosen. However, I need to know this: Did we have an obligation to choose him as a godparent? How should we handle his immaturity and controlling behavior? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN OHIO

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: A godparent can either be a relative or a close friend, and you were not obligated to choose one over the other. Your brother-in-law may be hurt that he wasn't chosen, but his subsequent behavior has been so childish that it's apparent you made the right decision. The way to handle his immature and controlling behavior is to forgive him for it, and go on with your lives.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, baby brother! I hope you're enjoying your special day.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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