DEAR ABBY: Some years ago, I responded to your Operation Dear Abby program. I thought it would be neat to have a pen pal while I was in high school. I'm happy to report that I got much more than I ever dreamed of.

I began writing to Karl, and we corresponded for more than a year before we were able to meet in person. When we did meet, we both felt an immediate attraction to each other -- but as fate would have it, he was stationed overseas again and I was leaving for college. Fortunately, we reconnected and began to date exclusively.

To make a long story short, we recently celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. We are each other's best friend and feel blessed to have three beautiful children. Thank you, Abby, for bringing us together. -- KATHY K., ROANOKE, VA.

DEAR KATHY K.: Thank you for an upper of a letter. Many love stories began with Operation Dear Abby, and continue to be created through OperationDearAbby.net -- the online version that now operates 24/7 year round. I'm pleased that writing to a member of the armed services was not only rewarding for you, but also became the pathway to your future.

Readers, as I am sure you already know, this is a time of year when our young men and women in the military feel most poignantly their separation from their families and the people they love. While it is not within our power to make that go away, it does present an opportunity to show them we appreciate the fact that they are fulfilling their duty at the risk of their own safety. Today, and during the rest of this holiday season, won't you please make a special effort to let them know they are in our thoughts and prayers. Go to www.OperationDearAbby.net and send a message of support. It'll mean the world to them.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is an attractive, well-educated, single, professional woman in her early 40s. She is gay. I have known about her sexual orientation since she was in high school and have always been supportive. We have enjoyed a good relationship.

I have been friendly to my daughter's same gender friends in the past, until she moved into the home of a divorced woman who claims she is also gay. Abby, this woman is in her mid-40s. She has two children, ages 5 and 12, from her previous marriage to a man. There is significant financial advantage for her to have my daughter move in with her.

Between you and me, I don't believe that she is really gay. Is it possible for a woman to become gay after many years of marriage that produced two children? Thanks for your help. -- PERPLEXED MOTHER IN THE EAST

DEAR PERPLEXED: Yes, it is possible for a person to discover that she (or he) is gay after having been married and having children. Usually, the person felt a same-sex attraction much earlier, but denied it and married, hoping the feeling would go away. Many years -- sometimes decades -- later, the man or woman realizes that something is "missing," meets someone, and the feelings return stronger than ever. And that's when they finally come out.�

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to make a plea to your readers. All of you who still have plenty, please consider those close to you, around you, around the country and around the world who do not. With hard economic times here for many, plus wars and natural disasters, many people have lost loved ones, jobs and homes -- and happy memories have been replaced with traumatic ones.

Please do not ask them to reciprocate with expensive travel, food and gifts.

Do not expect them to "forget" what they have lost.

Do not use alcohol to "celebrate" the holidays with them.

Do not flaunt what you have that they do not.

Do not complain about the little things that bother you.

What CAN you do?

Do express that you understand their difficult times.

Do suggest name-drawing for gifts, exchanging homemade gifts or donating to charity.

Do open your home to them as a respite -- no strings attached.

Do provide practical gifts to replace those lost to natural disasters or to comfort those at war.

Do express your love and support.

Do help loved ones get mental health support if they need it.

Do volunteer your time at a shelter, rebuilding project, school or day care, senior care facility or military support group.

Do be thankful for what you have. -- HOPING FOR GOOD HOLIDAYS, STILLWATER, OKLA.

DEAR HOPING: You have offered practical suggestions for this holiday season, and I hope my readers will keep them in mind. I would like to add one more suggestion to the ones you listed: Do offer a willing ear to those who need a chance to vent, and although it may be uncomfortable to hear, don't try to minimize their feelings. A lot of people have experienced a record amount of trauma in the last few years as well as recent months. Although you may not be able to solve their problems, sometimes it can be enough just to listen, affirm what they're saying, and offer hope.

DEAR ABBY: Could you please give me some advice regarding proper wedding etiquette when it comes to giving the bride and groom a blessing?

Our daughter was recently married, and her maid of honor and best man each gave a small speech with a toast. My husband was planning to give them a blessing and say a prayer over them. However, before he had a chance to get the microphone, an older friend of the family got hold of it and gave a blessing she had absolutely no authority to give. She went on for five minutes while my husband fumed the whole time. He felt like he was robbed.

We have not discussed our feelings with this woman, and are unsure how to handle this situation. We don't want this to happen again at our next wedding. -- ROBBED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ROBBED: Your question is a first. I have never heard of "blessing etiquette" or an order of priority for offering them. As far as I'm concerned, the more prayers and blessings a couple receives, the better -- and your husband should have stepped up to the plate and offered his own.

P.S. The way to prevent someone from grabbing the microphone and speaking out of turn would be to control who has it, and have a list of scheduled speakers.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently retired and moved to a small town in Washington, where I began attending the local church. Last Sunday, a new assistant pastor was introduced along with his wife, "Millie." Abby, Millie is the woman who broke up my marriage 10 years ago! It was so painful and ugly that I have never remarried.

Millie, on the other hand, appears to have "erased" from her biography two previous marriages, countless affairs (my husband was one), and a short stint in prison for drugs. She is now -- and this is what irks me -- teaching marriage classes. She does not recognize me. The last 10 years have been hard on me. I put on weight and stopped coloring my hair, among other things.

If Millie was just a member of the congregation, I could forgive her past sins. But Millie is lying to everyone -- maybe even her clueless husband. Should I stay quiet and watch this farce, inform the senior pastor, or drive 30 minutes to attend another church? (And yes, I'm sure it's her. There's no doubt about it.) -- HATES HYPOCRITES IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HATES HYPOCRITES: Have you considered that Millie may have realized the error of her ways and found God in prison? It is also possible that her husband is aware of her past. As to her fitness to teach marriage classes -- one thing is certain, she knows firsthand where the pitfalls are.

Rather than seeking revenge, it would be better for your own soul if you change churches. But before you go, walk up to Millie and introduce yourself. I'll bet she'll be surprised to see how the past has come full circle. Then go on and start living your life fully again, and that includes getting professional counseling so you can heal and learn to trust again, and enjoy your life to the maximum that it's possible.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 32-year-old woman who has recently enlisted in the Navy Reserves and would like to go into full-time Navy. The problem is I'm still living with my mother. Mom is "difficult." She refuses to take care of herself and have yearly physicals, exercise, eat right, etc. She doesn't want to go out anywhere, socialize or do much beyond watch television. She was diagnosed with breast cancer a while back, but she has had treatment and is doing fine now.

I don't want to feel guilty that I'm not taking care of my mother because she refuses to do things for herself and take care of her basic needs, when in reality she can. I want to have a life without having to worry about her all the time. I am taking the Navy one day at a time to make sure that going full-time is what I want. Have you any suggestions about what I should do? -- MY MOTHER'S KEEPER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MOTHER'S KEEPER: You didn't mention whether your mother has always been this way or if she became this way after her cancer diagnosis, but her extreme dependency and passivity could be a sign of depression. (They could also be a technique that has always worked for her in manipulating people.) Your mother may need counseling, medication or both. And you need to live your own life. One way to ensure that would be to join the Navy. If you don't cut the umbilical cord now, you may never be able to.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)