DEAR ABBY: I would like to make a plea to your readers. All of you who still have plenty, please consider those close to you, around you, around the country and around the world who do not. With hard economic times here for many, plus wars and natural disasters, many people have lost loved ones, jobs and homes -- and happy memories have been replaced with traumatic ones.

Please do not ask them to reciprocate with expensive travel, food and gifts.

Do not expect them to "forget" what they have lost.

Do not use alcohol to "celebrate" the holidays with them.

Do not flaunt what you have that they do not.

Do not complain about the little things that bother you.

What CAN you do?

Do express that you understand their difficult times.

Do suggest name-drawing for gifts, exchanging homemade gifts or donating to charity.

Do open your home to them as a respite -- no strings attached.

Do provide practical gifts to replace those lost to natural disasters or to comfort those at war.

Do express your love and support.

Do help loved ones get mental health support if they need it.

Do volunteer your time at a shelter, rebuilding project, school or day care, senior care facility or military support group.

Do be thankful for what you have. -- HOPING FOR GOOD HOLIDAYS, STILLWATER, OKLA.

DEAR HOPING: You have offered practical suggestions for this holiday season, and I hope my readers will keep them in mind. I would like to add one more suggestion to the ones you listed: Do offer a willing ear to those who need a chance to vent, and although it may be uncomfortable to hear, don't try to minimize their feelings. A lot of people have experienced a record amount of trauma in the last few years as well as recent months. Although you may not be able to solve their problems, sometimes it can be enough just to listen, affirm what they're saying, and offer hope.

DEAR ABBY: Could you please give me some advice regarding proper wedding etiquette when it comes to giving the bride and groom a blessing?

Our daughter was recently married, and her maid of honor and best man each gave a small speech with a toast. My husband was planning to give them a blessing and say a prayer over them. However, before he had a chance to get the microphone, an older friend of the family got hold of it and gave a blessing she had absolutely no authority to give. She went on for five minutes while my husband fumed the whole time. He felt like he was robbed.

We have not discussed our feelings with this woman, and are unsure how to handle this situation. We don't want this to happen again at our next wedding. -- ROBBED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ROBBED: Your question is a first. I have never heard of "blessing etiquette" or an order of priority for offering them. As far as I'm concerned, the more prayers and blessings a couple receives, the better -- and your husband should have stepped up to the plate and offered his own.

P.S. The way to prevent someone from grabbing the microphone and speaking out of turn would be to control who has it, and have a list of scheduled speakers.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently retired and moved to a small town in Washington, where I began attending the local church. Last Sunday, a new assistant pastor was introduced along with his wife, "Millie." Abby, Millie is the woman who broke up my marriage 10 years ago! It was so painful and ugly that I have never remarried.

Millie, on the other hand, appears to have "erased" from her biography two previous marriages, countless affairs (my husband was one), and a short stint in prison for drugs. She is now -- and this is what irks me -- teaching marriage classes. She does not recognize me. The last 10 years have been hard on me. I put on weight and stopped coloring my hair, among other things.

If Millie was just a member of the congregation, I could forgive her past sins. But Millie is lying to everyone -- maybe even her clueless husband. Should I stay quiet and watch this farce, inform the senior pastor, or drive 30 minutes to attend another church? (And yes, I'm sure it's her. There's no doubt about it.) -- HATES HYPOCRITES IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HATES HYPOCRITES: Have you considered that Millie may have realized the error of her ways and found God in prison? It is also possible that her husband is aware of her past. As to her fitness to teach marriage classes -- one thing is certain, she knows firsthand where the pitfalls are.

Rather than seeking revenge, it would be better for your own soul if you change churches. But before you go, walk up to Millie and introduce yourself. I'll bet she'll be surprised to see how the past has come full circle. Then go on and start living your life fully again, and that includes getting professional counseling so you can heal and learn to trust again, and enjoy your life to the maximum that it's possible.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 32-year-old woman who has recently enlisted in the Navy Reserves and would like to go into full-time Navy. The problem is I'm still living with my mother. Mom is "difficult." She refuses to take care of herself and have yearly physicals, exercise, eat right, etc. She doesn't want to go out anywhere, socialize or do much beyond watch television. She was diagnosed with breast cancer a while back, but she has had treatment and is doing fine now.

I don't want to feel guilty that I'm not taking care of my mother because she refuses to do things for herself and take care of her basic needs, when in reality she can. I want to have a life without having to worry about her all the time. I am taking the Navy one day at a time to make sure that going full-time is what I want. Have you any suggestions about what I should do? -- MY MOTHER'S KEEPER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MOTHER'S KEEPER: You didn't mention whether your mother has always been this way or if she became this way after her cancer diagnosis, but her extreme dependency and passivity could be a sign of depression. (They could also be a technique that has always worked for her in manipulating people.) Your mother may need counseling, medication or both. And you need to live your own life. One way to ensure that would be to join the Navy. If you don't cut the umbilical cord now, you may never be able to.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: These will be the first holidays for my husband and me since we discovered that his sister, "Dawn," embezzled more than $200,000 from our business. It happened over a period of three years, when Dawn was our bookkeeper. Actually, our overall losses were even greater, because of her frivolous spending, "company write-offs" and bad management.

We knew something was terribly wrong. We just didn't know it was Dawn until she was caught.

She has since gotten another job in another state and is slowly paying us back. However, it will be a couple of decades before we're fully repaid -- if ever. Dawn has asked us not to tell anyone. She got off easy, and I don't believe that she's fully aware of the depth of the damage she left behind.

Fortunately, since Dawn's departure, there is peace in the office and the business is going well once again. But I am still hurt and offended by her deception.

I think I deserve a happy holiday season. Am I justified in avoiding her? Or should I just "grin and bear it" at the upcoming family get-together? -- STILL ANGRY IN MARYLAND

DEAR STILL ANGRY: I assume from your letter that the rest of the family knows nothing about the money your sister-in-law stole, and that she plans to attend the family gatherings.

Are you justified in avoiding her? Absolutely! Unless you're sure you can refrain from losing your temper(s) and spilling the beans, I'd advise you to make other plans this Christmas. However, unless you are prepared to boycott every celebration Dawn attends, you are going to have to learn to tolerate her at some point. Keep in mind, she is making restitution -- however slowly -- and that's a step in the right direction.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced mother, dating a divorced man whose children are almost completely grown. My boyfriend makes significantly more money than I do and has the freedom to take time off from work whenever he wants. (He's an avid hunter and fisherman, and takes several weeks off throughout the year for these hobbies.)

My problem is, I find myself feeling jealous and resentful of the opportunities he is fortunate to have. I know I shouldn't feel that way. He has earned his success, and besides, I love him and want him to have all the things he enjoys.

On the other hand, I struggle to make ends meet. He pays for everything we do when we are together and often treats my kids to pizza and ice cream. He has offered to give me money from time to time, which I have consistently refused.

So why am I feeling angry and left out -- yet if he offers to give me money, my pride won't allow me to take it anyway? -- WICKED WITCH OF THE MIDWEST

DEAR WICKED WITCH: You're feeling angry and left out because you are human. Your boyfriend is off kicking up his heels (deservedly or not), and you are left saddled with your responsibilities. Let me say that I respect your stance on not accepting money from him -- and I'll bet he does, too.

One way to effect an attitude adjustment would be to plan something special for yourself when he takes off to enjoy his hobbies. Perhaps you would like a massage, dinner out with a girlfriend you haven't seen in some time, an evening at the movies, the theater or a concert? Please don't cast yourself as the poor little left-out waif. The more enjoyable time you allow yourself in his absence, the better company you'll be when he returns. Trust me on that!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)