DEAR ABBY: My family and I have lived in this subdivision for 10 years. We are friendly with our neighbors. All of the children here play wonderfully together and are of various ages.

One of my neighbors, "Rachel," and I were very close at one time, but we are recovering from a fallout involving her eldest daughter. We are trying to repair the friendship, but it has reached the point that I hate living here.

Rachel is jealous of anyone I spend time with if it's not her. She is constantly out in her yard, and I feel like she watches everything I do and who comes and goes. When I spend time with other neighbors, she retaliates with rudeness and with negative, insulting comments and behavior.

How can I get across to her that although we may have been close friends at one time, we're now only friendly neighbors? -- WANTS TO MOVE IN OHIO

DEAR WANTS TO MOVE: It appears Rachel has emotionally regressed to the grammar school level, where children assume that if they are friends they "own" each other. I see no reason to issue any proclamations. Get your message across by continuing to have an active social life with neighbors you enjoy and ignoring her sulkiness. If she makes a nasty comment, tell her: "You know, sniping is a very unattractive trait. It makes me want to see less of you rather than more."

DEAR ABBY: My elderly mother lives in a small efficiency apartment. Last year, my out-of-town siblings -- all of whom live within 50 miles -- visited her on Christmas Day with gifts she could not possibly use.

One sister brought a set of heavy crystal glasses. (Mother's hands shake, and she uses a plastic drinking cup with a handle.) Another sister brought a silver tea service (which I had to pack in a closet for her). My brother brought her two pieces of heavy luggage (which took up all the room in a closet).

Mama no longer is up to entertaining, and all those expensive gifts were useless to her. She has tried "hinting" that she doesn't need things like that, but they refuse to listen.

It would be so much more helpful if they would instead cook a meal for Mama, or stop by a restaurant and bring her a meal when they visit. She isn't up to cooking, and a gift like that would not wind up packed away for the next generation.

When they visit, they usually stop by a restaurant and eat, but they never stop to consider that Mama would love a meal, too. I try to cook for her as often as I can, but I have a disabled child at home who is in and out of the hospital. When I do cook, I package meals for her that she can microwave and enjoy. What a help it would be if my siblings would do this.

Why don't people stop and take into consideration how a person lives and what his or her needs are before buying a gift? Thanks for letting me vent. -- CHRISTINE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR CHRISTINE: It may be that doing what you suggest takes too much time and energy. Or, in the case of your siblings, the motivation for the expensive gifts may be guilt. You can't change them, but I do recommend you remind them frequently how much your mother would appreciate it if they would bring her a nice meal when they visit. You'll be doing them -- and her -- a favor.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: The letter about the man who parades around naked in front of his daughters after his shower prompts my letter. His stated reason is he claims he's hot and needs to air-dry his hemorrhoids. Well, my advice for him is to wrap a towel around his waist, go straight to his bedroom, shut the door and do his "airing" there. Then if he wants, he can stand on his head and air-dry them as long as he darn well pleases. When he's done, he can get dressed and join the family. And if this doesn't please him, send him to a shrink. -- SIMPLE SOLUTION, TWIN FALLS, IDAHO

DEAR SIMPLE: The mail that poured in regarding that letter -- and scolding me for my lighthearted answer -- was all over the map on this subject. Your solution is a good one, but read on:

DEAR ABBY: My father also did that, and I turned out just fine. I'm female, 37, happily married with no emotional scars. Unless the wife has reason to think he's a predator, she should relax. Americans -- and I am one -- are far too hung up on nudity. -- BETTINA IN CROSSVILLE, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: Only people with dirty minds equate nudity (especially that of a family member) with sex. Those girls are probably so used to it by now they think nothing of it. I suspect this is a power struggle between the husband and wife, and it's none of the mother-in-law's business. -- DISGUSTED IN CANADA

DEAR ABBY: The father's actions are criminal. He's sexually abusing the eyes and emotions of those unwilling witnesses. The wife and mother-in-law should document the times and dates of these assaults. With that documentation they can force Dad into therapy long enough to root out the evil beginnings of this perverse behavior. -- PSYCHOTHERAPIST FROM NEW JERSEY

DEAR ABBY: I am European. For us, it is completely normal to see our parents naked. There is nothing abnormal or wrong about it. -- YASMINE (U.S. AIR FORCE)

DEAR ABBY: I almost spewed my coffee when I saw the letter about the guy letting his hemorrhoids air-dry in front of his daughters. Can I say one word here? Bathrobe! -- PAUL IN FAIRBORN, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: You should have advised "Disgusted" to tell her daughter to try once more to calmly and intelligently reason with her husband. And if that doesn't do the trick, the daughter should inform her mother-in-law about his behavior. One call from his mother, and I'll bet the practice would stop! -- VIVIAN IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ABBY: I'd get a video camera and film him without his knowledge. Then, when his family comes to visit over the holidays, I'd announce that I have a "special home video" to show. Maybe when everyone has seen him like that, her husband will make an appointment with a surgeon to have those hemorrhoids removed. -- BERNIE IN AYLETT, VA.

DEAR ABBY: I had a similar problem with my husband and son. Every night they'd come to the dinner table and eat their meal shirtless. Finally, I decided I'd had enough -- so I calmly took off my shirt and proceeded to eat my meal. (They got the message!) -- DAWNELLE IN ALTUS, OKLA.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating a wonderful man for several months. We have a great relationship, and I know I'm fortunate to have him. His family is very kind and warm. They have always welcomed me into their home by inviting me to family events, holidays, etc.

The challenge is, his family is from Eastern Europe. He came to the United States at a relatively young age, and his English is perfect. However, his parents and grandparents do not speak or understand English very well.

I want so much to sit down and have a conversation with his mom, but I can't. I'm trying to learn their language, but their alphabet is different from ours. Also, I am dyslexic. While I will not give up on learning their language, it will certainly not happen overnight.

I can't afford classes to get professional help in learning the language, and my boyfriend can't always be right by my side to translate. I'm dying to be able to tell his mother that the dinner was good, or her blouse is pretty.

Can you help me? This will probably be my family one day. -- LINGUISTICALLY LIMITED IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR LIMITED: You don't necessarily have to learn to read a language to speak it. You can learn it phonetically, by memorizing words and phrases on tape. Ask your boyfriend to record some of the things you would like to say to his family, and then you can "surprise" them the next time you have dinner there.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are having a debate about our wedding. He would like one of his best friends, "Bill," who is my ex-boyfriend, to be one of his groomsmen.

I don't feel comfortable with Bill and his girlfriend being at our wedding because they have tried to break up my fiance and me before. Abby, they hate me -- and my fiance thinks they should be there to celebrate our marriage. What do you think about this? Their invitation depends on your response. -- UPSET IN MONTANA

DEAR UPSET: I disagree with your boyfriend. The only guests at your wedding should be those who wish you well. It would be extremely inappropriate to have them there.

If you and your fiance have not had premarital counseling, I hope you will seriously consider it -- just to be certain you are on the same page regarding other issues that are sure to come up once you are married. It could save you both a lot of frustration and heartache. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: About a month ago, you printed a letter in your column about organ donations from the father of a little boy who had been shot to death while the family vacationed in Europe. He had donated his son's organs in the country where the tragedy occurred.

It brought to mind a question I have had for years about organ donation. Is it true that if you are an organ donor, your family has to pay to have it done? -- LONNIE IN GREENFIELD, MO.

DEAR LONNIE: The answer to your question is NO. The donor family does not have to pay anything. This question has appeared in my column in years past. According to the Living Bank in Houston, the person who receives the organ is responsible for the expenses. The costs are usually covered by health insurance, including Medicare and Medicaid. The amount of insurance coverage depends on the organ involved, and the kind of insurance policy the recipient has.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)