DEAR ABBY: I've been dating a wonderful man for several months. We have a great relationship, and I know I'm fortunate to have him. His family is very kind and warm. They have always welcomed me into their home by inviting me to family events, holidays, etc.

The challenge is, his family is from Eastern Europe. He came to the United States at a relatively young age, and his English is perfect. However, his parents and grandparents do not speak or understand English very well.

I want so much to sit down and have a conversation with his mom, but I can't. I'm trying to learn their language, but their alphabet is different from ours. Also, I am dyslexic. While I will not give up on learning their language, it will certainly not happen overnight.

I can't afford classes to get professional help in learning the language, and my boyfriend can't always be right by my side to translate. I'm dying to be able to tell his mother that the dinner was good, or her blouse is pretty.

Can you help me? This will probably be my family one day. -- LINGUISTICALLY LIMITED IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR LIMITED: You don't necessarily have to learn to read a language to speak it. You can learn it phonetically, by memorizing words and phrases on tape. Ask your boyfriend to record some of the things you would like to say to his family, and then you can "surprise" them the next time you have dinner there.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are having a debate about our wedding. He would like one of his best friends, "Bill," who is my ex-boyfriend, to be one of his groomsmen.

I don't feel comfortable with Bill and his girlfriend being at our wedding because they have tried to break up my fiance and me before. Abby, they hate me -- and my fiance thinks they should be there to celebrate our marriage. What do you think about this? Their invitation depends on your response. -- UPSET IN MONTANA

DEAR UPSET: I disagree with your boyfriend. The only guests at your wedding should be those who wish you well. It would be extremely inappropriate to have them there.

If you and your fiance have not had premarital counseling, I hope you will seriously consider it -- just to be certain you are on the same page regarding other issues that are sure to come up once you are married. It could save you both a lot of frustration and heartache. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: About a month ago, you printed a letter in your column about organ donations from the father of a little boy who had been shot to death while the family vacationed in Europe. He had donated his son's organs in the country where the tragedy occurred.

It brought to mind a question I have had for years about organ donation. Is it true that if you are an organ donor, your family has to pay to have it done? -- LONNIE IN GREENFIELD, MO.

DEAR LONNIE: The answer to your question is NO. The donor family does not have to pay anything. This question has appeared in my column in years past. According to the Living Bank in Houston, the person who receives the organ is responsible for the expenses. The costs are usually covered by health insurance, including Medicare and Medicaid. The amount of insurance coverage depends on the organ involved, and the kind of insurance policy the recipient has.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 8 years old, and I have a question that has bothered me for months. Is Santa Claus a real person, and if not, why does everyone say he is? And if Santa Claus ISN'T real, where do all the letters go? -- CONFUSED IN KINGSTON, N.Y.

DEAR CONFUSED: Santa Claus is more than a human being. Santa Claus is the living symbol of selfless giving, handed down from one generation to the next. In 1897, a girl named Virginia asked the same question in a newspaper. A very wise newspaper editor, Frank Church, wrote in reply:

"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. ... The most real things in the world are those which neither children nor men can see. ... Thank God, he (Santa Claus) lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now -- nay, 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood."

Letters to Santa Claus go where every other letter goes -- directly to the U.S. Postal Service, which makes sure the letters reach their destination regardless of "rain, hail, sleet or snow."

Read on for a testimony from a true believer:

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday afternoon, as I was opening my mail, I came across an envelope with my name and address printed on it, but no return address. I assumed it was junk mail that had been made to look like a Christmas card, but curiosity got the better of me, so I opened it.

Inside was a Christmas card. It was signed "Santa," and inside were five $100 bills!

I checked the postmark. It read, "Grand Rapids, Mich., Dec. 9." Abby, I don't know anyone in Grand Rapids.

I'm divorced. My ex-husband hasn't been helping me to support our children. Times have been hard. Obviously, the card was sent by someone who cares about us very much -- someone who went to great trouble to remain anonymous. The money was a blessing. An equally great blessing is the fact that my children had a chance to witness such an act of generosity and kindness.

I hope that Santa is reading your column today, because I want to say thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. I am grateful. -- STILL BELIEVES IN SANTA, HOUSTON

DEAR STILL BELIEVES: I'm printing your letter with the conviction that some kind of elf will ensure that it is delivered as far north as a reindeer can fly. A perceptive person once said that true generosity is doing something nice for someone without taking credit for it. However, your case is exceptional -- and how fitting of your benefactor, "Santa," to take a bow. I know readers of all ages will be as gratified as I was to read about his act of kindness in this, the season of giving.

DEAR ABBY: When you're a guest in someone's home and use the powder room, and the only soap on the bathroom sink is the kind that's pretty and looks like little flowers -- do you use one and throw it away when you're finished, or just rinse your hands with plain water? -- EMBARRASSED IN DELAWARE

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Please don't feel embarrassed; yours is a very common question. The answer is that guests should feel free to use what is offered by their hosts. The hosts can throw away the soap later if they wish.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Until now, I had a perfect life with a wonderful husband and a great 16-year-old son.

My husband of 10 years, "Keith," has raised my son, "Mike," and loves him as his own. Mike grew up knowing that Keith was not his birth father, but has always treated him as if he were. My ex-husband remarried and now has three daughters. I never hid this from my son. But now, my ex-husband's daughters have "found" Mike on the Internet. They have been talking for a couple of weeks now, and Mike actually talked to his birth father on a couple of occasions.

Mike now treats Keith very badly, and Keith doesn't know why. I knew about the conversations with his "sisters," but I did not know about the conversations with his father. Why would a man who abandoned me and his infant son 16 years ago all of a sudden want to come into his life now and disrupt our lives? We have a great family, and I get very uncomfortable when Mike slips in things that happened 16 or 17 years ago, because he heard it from his father. Also, I do not like his father talking to him one-on-one without me. What can I do? -- WORRIED ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR WORRIED: I can think of one reason why the man who abandoned you and your baby boy is now disrupting your life. The answer is, he "only" had three girls and would now like to have a son. After all, all the work of raising this young man has been done.

Your son may be 16, but he is still a minor. I recommend you discuss this entire matter with an attorney who can tell you what your rights are as your son's custodial parent. (I am assuming you never received child support for the boy. If your ex wants "in" now, perhaps he should share some of the financial responsibility that Keith has shouldered for so many years.)

And while you're at it, I urge you to consider family counseling for you, your husband and your son. I don't know what your ex may have been telling the young man, but I guarantee it'll be better if it is put on the table by YOU, with a trained therapist who can help you to iron out the "wrinkles" before they become permanent-press. Please don't put it off.

DEAR ABBY: Every year at Christmas, my four longtime girlfriends and I "promise" not to buy each other expensive gifts. We all have large families, so it is a cost-saving measure. However, invariably at least one of us ends up ignoring the rule and buys lavish gifts anyway! The small gift-givers end up feeling embarrassed, and the expensive gift-givers end up feeling guilty for violating our pledge.

Please help us stop this self-defeating cycle! -- "B" IN UNIONVILLE, IND.

DEAR "B": I have a suggestion: Make a pact this year that your only "gifts" will be in the form of letters to each other, describing a special memory of your friendship. Embellish the letters with all the traits your friends have that you admire. I promise you, the recipients will treasure it. If anyone breaks the pact, the others should not feel guilty for having kept the promise and given a gift of "self."

DEAR ABBY: Every year at Christmas, my four longtime girlfriends and I "promise" not to buy each other expensive gifts. We all have large families, so it is a cost-saving measure. However, invariably at least one of us ends up ignoring the rule and buys lavish gifts anyway! The small gift-givers end up feeling embarrassed, and the expensive gift-givers end up feeling guilty for violating our pledge.

Please help us stop this self-defeating cycle! -- "B" IN UNIONVILLE, IND.

DEAR "B": I have a suggestion: Make a pact this year that your only "gifts" will be in the form of letters to each other, describing a special memory of your friendship. Embellish the letters with all the traits your friends have that you admire. I promise you, the recipients will treasure it. If anyone breaks the pact, the others should not feel guilty for having kept the promise and given a gift of "self."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old boy with a problem. My mother won't stop using my underwear. If that's not bad enough, she only uses my NEW underwear. I constantly ask her to stop, but she won't. What should I do? -- ANGRY IN HARTFORD, CONN.

DEAR ANGRY: At 13, you are old enough to have things of your own. Your mother shouldn't be using your underwear without your permission. The next time it happens, try this: Say you'd like to borrow some of hers.