DEAR READERS: Seven years ago, I told you about a new program called the Legacy Project that had been created to honor American veterans by preserving their wartime letters. I asked you to send a photocopy of a favorite war letter that you or a loved one had written.

The response was overwhelming. Since its inception in 1998, the Legacy Project has received an estimated 75,000 never-before-seen letters from every conflict in our nation's history -- including e-mails from Iraq and Afghanistan.

I thought you'd like to know that the Legacy Project has just announced that the entire collection will be donated to the prestigious Gilder Lehrman Institute in New York City, where the letters will be archived for posterity.

In honor of Veterans Day, I will share with you one of the letters from the collection. It was handwritten by a young soldier named Justin Merhoff, who currently serves in the U.S. Army and will soon be deployed to Afghanistan. It was addressed to his grandfather, Hugh Merhoff:

"Dear Gramps: I want to write you and let you know what I am doing these days. I found out that my unit was responsible for manning five of the 22 funeral honors teams that represent the 10th Mountain Division.

"Since I've never been to a funeral before, I did not know what to expect. There were times that I had to try not to cry after seeing the family go through the turmoil that death brings. These emotions were new to me and were hard to take at first. What really got me was that there were guys who were not U.S. citizens but were fighting for our country. I might never have met these soldiers, but they are all my brothers and sisters in arms. We will forever, even in death, be bound to each other by our service to our country.

"This whole experience has helped me better understand what happened during World War II, Korea and Vietnam, and the sacrifices made by those who served honorably -- and by their families. I know that you say you do not consider yourself a veteran because you were drafted and did not see action. You used the time you served to your advantage and became a doctor. You saved countless lives. You are the reason I am in the Army today. You instilled in me the values that you learned during your service, and it has made me a better soldier. Most important, it has made me a better person. -- Love, Justin"

READERS: If you would like to read more letters like this one, and learn more about the Legacy Project, please visit its Web site at � HYPERLINK "http://www.WarLetters.com" ��www.WarLetters.com�.

DEAR ABBY: A long time ago -- many years, for sure -- you had a definition of "maturity" that I kept and liked a lot. I can't find it. Can you dig it up, please? -- MOTHER IN OSCEOLA, ARK.

DEAR MOTHER: Consider it dug. It was penned by my mother:

This is maturity: To be able to stick with a job until it's finished; to do one's duty without being supervised; to be able to carry money without spending it; and to be able to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my college sweetheart, "George," for 20 years. He's a great husband, a good father, and we are very compatible. He's the kind of man who brings me flowers for no reason, and who would rather be home cooking dinner with me than almost anywhere.

Recently a woman called to tell me that George was "screwing around" all over town, and she thought I should know I was married to a "pervert." She hung up before I could comment. Abby, George swears he is not having an affair and has always been faithful. He insists that she's just a crazy person.

Of course, I have to believe the man I have known for 24 years over a complete stranger, but this has been devastating. It has made me question my choice to be a stay-at-home mom, and made me nervous in crowds thinking that someone is watching me -- or us -- when we're out together.

George is trying hard to be there for me and says he'll go to marriage counseling with me or whatever I need. I know he loves me and our three children. But I can't help feeling violated and depressed, and I'm resentful that this stranger has the power to make me question my own happiness. Please help me. -- THREATENED IN N.Y.

DEAR THREATENED: Take your husband up on his offer of counseling, because you HAVE been the victim of an assault -- an emotional assault. In a sense, you have been violated. A wise person once told me that depression is "anger turned inward." A therapist can help you direct your anger where it belongs -- at the anonymous caller.

Please don't let the venom some stranger attempted to spread poison your marriage. You know rationally that your husband loves you and demonstrates it in every way he can. Whoever made that call may be angry at you or your husband for some perceived slight. She may be a kook. She could even be a high school student who was dialing randomly for kicks. It's not as unusual as you might think.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married three years. After the wedding, I chose to keep my maiden name for both personal and professional reasons. Everyone in my life has honored my decision with one glaring exception -- my parents.

On my wedding announcements, my son's birth announcement, legal documents -- even plane reservations -- they have either given me my husband's last name or hyphenated my name. I have called and begged them to stop doing it. (It caused problems with the plane tickets, and all of my wedding announcements and birth announcements were wrong.)

Every time I ask them to stop, they tell me I am the one causing the problem, and then they either get angry or promise not to do it again -- and then go ahead and do it.

Obviously, I am hurt and frustrated by their refusal to honor my decision. How should I handle this without causing a huge family fight? -- STILL "JANE SMITH"

DEAR JANE: You can't control what your parents call you, or how they refer to you. But you can control who places an order for formal announcements and makes plane reservations for you. As to legal documents, I would think you would have to be correctly identified in order for the document to be valid.

The way to solve this problem is to stop relying on your parents to do things for you and take control of your life. You don't have to be confrontational, but the more independent you are, the less what they do can affect you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our family has a serious problem with one sibling. Whenever we disagree with this sister, something "happens" to us. Some examples: I told her she was wrong to have started a fight with another sister. Within one week, Child Protective Services was knocking on my door.

My other sister had a quarrel with her, and the very next day that sister went to drive to work and found that "someone" had smashed the windows in her car. My brother said something she didn't like one day. She visited him a few days later, and the next day his parrots (he breeds parrots) were dead. (She actually bragged to other family members about the parrots and Child Protective Services.)

All three of us get prank calls, and we have spotted her repeatedly driving by our homes. Our parents think these are just "coincidences" and we're making a big deal out of nothing.

Now this sister needs to go in for surgery, and our parents think we should rally around her. The three of us want nothing more to do with her. I have even instructed my children to call the police if she ever comes to our home again. Please print this letter, Abby. We are hoping it will help our parents see through her and open their eyes. But in the meantime, we don't know what to do next. Any ideas? -- SLEEPING WITH ONE EYE OPEN IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SLEEPING: Only this: Your sister appears to be seriously unbalanced. Do not allow yourselves to be guilted into "rallying" around her. You and the two siblings who have been victims of her vandalism should visit your local police department and file a report about what happened, who you think did it, and why.

You cannot force your parents out of their state of denial. Only she can do that when, inevitably, one day she finally goes too far. You are safer at a distance.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 years old, the mother of two beautiful daughters, "Lisa" and "Lily," who are 3 1/2 years and 19 months old. Lily suffered a stroke two weeks ago and is now partially paralyzed. She had a prolonged seizure that lasted 2 1/2 hours that I know of, but possibly five hours in all. She can no longer crawl or sit up by herself. She must now have heavy and intensive rehabilitation to regain the use of her left side.

I was told that if I had gotten Lily to the ER even 30 minutes later, she'd have died. My father-in-law and I drove her to the ER ourselves. I was holding her in my arms while she convulsed with the seizure. Each mile we got closer to the hospital, the weaker she became. What kept Lily fighting was hearing my voice as I prayed aloud and feeling my love for her.

I thank God that my daughter is alive today. Please stress to your readers how important it is to call an ambulance when something like this happens. The ambulance workers can do miracles. If I had called 911, my daughter might not have suffered the stroke. -- LOVING MOTHER, WALTERS, OKLA.

DEAR LOVING MOTHER: Thank you for reminding other parents that in a medical emergency, the smart thing to do is call 911. The last time the subject was mentioned in this column it was in the context of middle-aged women having heart attacks.

Although the first impulse is to rush a loved one to the hospital ourselves, family members should realize that emergency medical technicians are trained, and have the equipment on hand, to perform lifesaving interventions. Not only do they know exactly how to get to the hospital, their vehicles have sirens that can reduce the driving time and save precious minutes.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 years old, the mother of two beautiful daughters, "Lisa" and "Lily," who are 3 1/2 years and 19 months old. Lily suffered a stroke two weeks ago and is now partially paralyzed. She had a prolonged seizure that lasted 2 1/2 hours that I know of, but possibly five hours in all. She can no longer crawl or sit up by herself. She must now have heavy and intensive rehabilitation to regain the use of her left side.

I was told that if I had gotten Lily to the ER even 30 minutes later, she'd have died. My father-in-law and I drove her to the ER ourselves. I was holding her in my arms while she convulsed with the seizure. Each mile we got closer to the hospital, the weaker she became. What kept Lily fighting was hearing my voice as I prayed aloud and feeling my love for her.

I thank God that my daughter is alive today. Please stress to your readers how important it is to call an ambulance when something like this happens. The ambulance workers can do miracles. If I had called 911, my daughter might not have suffered the stroke. -- LOVING MOTHER, WALTERS, OKLA.

DEAR LOVING MOTHER: Thank you for reminding other parents that in a medical emergency, the smart thing to do is call 911. The last time the subject was mentioned in this column it was in the context of middle-aged women having heart attacks.

Although the first impulse is to rush a loved one to the hospital ourselves, family members should realize that emergency medical technicians are trained, and have the equipment on hand, to perform lifesaving interventions. Not only do they know exactly how to get to the hospital, their vehicles have sirens that can reduce the driving time and save precious minutes.