DEAR ABBY: Our family has a serious problem with one sibling. Whenever we disagree with this sister, something "happens" to us. Some examples: I told her she was wrong to have started a fight with another sister. Within one week, Child Protective Services was knocking on my door.

My other sister had a quarrel with her, and the very next day that sister went to drive to work and found that "someone" had smashed the windows in her car. My brother said something she didn't like one day. She visited him a few days later, and the next day his parrots (he breeds parrots) were dead. (She actually bragged to other family members about the parrots and Child Protective Services.)

All three of us get prank calls, and we have spotted her repeatedly driving by our homes. Our parents think these are just "coincidences" and we're making a big deal out of nothing.

Now this sister needs to go in for surgery, and our parents think we should rally around her. The three of us want nothing more to do with her. I have even instructed my children to call the police if she ever comes to our home again. Please print this letter, Abby. We are hoping it will help our parents see through her and open their eyes. But in the meantime, we don't know what to do next. Any ideas? -- SLEEPING WITH ONE EYE OPEN IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SLEEPING: Only this: Your sister appears to be seriously unbalanced. Do not allow yourselves to be guilted into "rallying" around her. You and the two siblings who have been victims of her vandalism should visit your local police department and file a report about what happened, who you think did it, and why.

You cannot force your parents out of their state of denial. Only she can do that when, inevitably, one day she finally goes too far. You are safer at a distance.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 years old, the mother of two beautiful daughters, "Lisa" and "Lily," who are 3 1/2 years and 19 months old. Lily suffered a stroke two weeks ago and is now partially paralyzed. She had a prolonged seizure that lasted 2 1/2 hours that I know of, but possibly five hours in all. She can no longer crawl or sit up by herself. She must now have heavy and intensive rehabilitation to regain the use of her left side.

I was told that if I had gotten Lily to the ER even 30 minutes later, she'd have died. My father-in-law and I drove her to the ER ourselves. I was holding her in my arms while she convulsed with the seizure. Each mile we got closer to the hospital, the weaker she became. What kept Lily fighting was hearing my voice as I prayed aloud and feeling my love for her.

I thank God that my daughter is alive today. Please stress to your readers how important it is to call an ambulance when something like this happens. The ambulance workers can do miracles. If I had called 911, my daughter might not have suffered the stroke. -- LOVING MOTHER, WALTERS, OKLA.

DEAR LOVING MOTHER: Thank you for reminding other parents that in a medical emergency, the smart thing to do is call 911. The last time the subject was mentioned in this column it was in the context of middle-aged women having heart attacks.

Although the first impulse is to rush a loved one to the hospital ourselves, family members should realize that emergency medical technicians are trained, and have the equipment on hand, to perform lifesaving interventions. Not only do they know exactly how to get to the hospital, their vehicles have sirens that can reduce the driving time and save precious minutes.

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Half a dozen people wrote to say that they'd had this experience, and mail arrived from all over the United States informing me that the CHP's advice left something to be desired:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I decided we'd try the CHP's suggestions on our way to church. Here's what we learned: It was almost impossible to pull my husband's foot off the gas pedal. I had to grab his pant leg while trying to watch the road -- not an easy task! Also, if the car has a console -- ours does -- the passenger can't reach the brake. (Perhaps downshifting would work better?) -- CONNIE AND TERRY, COEUR D'ALENE, IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: The passenger should be shown or reminded in advance where the cruise control switch or button is, so she can turn it off if it has been activated. -- NANCY IN ERIE, PA.

DEAR ABBY: The first thing the passenger should do is put the transmission into neutral to slow the vehicle, regardless of whether or not the driver's foot is on the accelerator. -- ARCHIE T., VALLEJO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: This happened to my husband and me. When it happens, it happens very quickly. I grabbed the wheel with my left hand and, as we started crossing into oncoming traffic, tried to avoid hitting anyone. Foremost in anyone's mind in that situation should be to get the driver's foot off the gas. To heck with the turn signal!

This happens more than people realize. The year before the accident, my husband's car was totaled because the driver of an oncoming car passed out, crossed the line and hit him. -- GLAD TO BE ALIVE, CHARLESTON, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: My diabetic husband had low blood sugar while driving on a five-lane highway. I was later told that had I used my emergency flasher, someone with a cell phone would have called the police and they would have assisted me in getting off the highway. At the time I didn't even know we HAD a flasher. Now I know -- and my husband eats something before we get into heavy traffic. -- ELLA IN WALDON, N.Y.

DEAR READERS: Needless to say, after reading the above letters, I contacted the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration in Washington, D.C. In a nutshell, here's what they told me:

"While your advice was accurate, we're more concerned about the reason behind the question, and the message that it's safe to drive with occasional loss of consciousness as long as one has a co-pilot. Relying on another person in a vehicle to take control is neither responsible nor safe.

"If a person experiences loss of consciousness for any reason, they need to stop driving until they are treated by a doctor who gives them permission to resume driving. This means they'll have to find another means of transportation, at least temporarily. Families have a role to play. If they are aware of the risk, they need to tell the state licensing agency and the doctor."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our mid-30s, married 13 years. We have four wonderful young sons, ranging in age from 11 to 2, and I'm expecting our fifth and final child.

Abby, you would not believe the number of people who feel free to make comments like, "You DO know how to prevent pregnancy, don't you?" or begin to lecture me about how much it's going to cost to send them all to college.

I am a college graduate, with a career that I love and for which I am well-paid. My husband is also college-educated and successfully self-employed. We are by no means short of money. I think these things get said because we are perceived as younger than we actually are. (People often assume we're in our mid-20s, but still it's rude and oftentimes hurtful.) Our children are healthy, happy and well-cared-for.

Please give me some advice, because I'm about to lose it with the next person who says such things to me. -- MOM WHO LOVES A LARGE FAMILY

DEAR MOM: There is no end of presumptuous comments that people make, trying to be funny, trying to be "helpful" or simply out of intrusiveness. Rather than losing your temper, try to handle them with humor. For those "wits" who say, "You DO know how to prevent pregnancy, don't you?" smile and reply, "Of course we do, but our dream has always been to have a large family." (What are they going to tell you -- that you're wrong?) And to the person who lectures you about the cost of higher education, give a wink and grin, and say, "Thanks for pointing that out. When the time comes, we'll hit you up for a loan."

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl whose father is an alcoholic. Dad needs help, but he doesn't want to get it. I'm very sad and depressed that my dad is always drinking.

My mother has decided to move away with my little brother and me. She says it's for our own good because she doesn't want us to suffer what she did when she was a child. I understand and agree with her, but what is Dad going to do if we leave him? Is he going to drink more than he already does? Is he going to die? Please help me. -- SCARED ABOUT DAD, PATERSON, N.J.

DEAR SCARED: When you, your brother and your mother leave, your father will come face-to-face with what his addiction to alcohol has cost him. I can't predict what his reaction will be. On the one hand, he may drink more. On the other, it could be the shock he needs to propel him into sobriety.

Of one thing I am sure: At 14, it should not be your responsibility to "save" your father. Only he can do that. I hope that once you are all resettled, your mother will help you and your brother to join Alateen. Alateen is an international group that was started in 1957 to provide support to young people like you, whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking. Once you attend a meeting, you will find you have a lot in common with everyone you meet there. To find out more about them, visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.al-anon.alateen.org" ��www.al-anon.alateen.org�.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think about church leadership (the minister and board of trustees) who would invite the congregation to an afternoon meeting in the sanctuary to address a conflict between members and leadership, and then turn off the air conditioning for the meeting in sweltering 100-plus degree heat? -- JUST WONDERING IN DALLAS

DEAR WONDERING: They may have been implying what you could expect if you didn't come around to their way of thinking.

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