DEAR ABBY: I have just started college, and I'm afraid I made a mistake in my selection of colleges. My decision was between two schools. One was in my home state and fairly close to my family; the other was out of state. I chose to attend the college in my home state because it is ranked slightly higher academically and because the tuition would be significantly less.

The school I rejected is located in a large city that's very different from where I live. Abby, I can't help but feel that I have made a mistake. I'm afraid I'm going to miss out on the experience of living someplace different and being away from home. I don't want to be haunted by the "what if" factor, but it's always in the back of my mind. I worry that I'll spend the next four years wondering how my life might have been if I had gone to the out-of-state school. How can I stop feeling this way? -- NEW COLLEGE STUDENT

DEAR STUDENT: At some point or another, everyone wonders what would have happened if they had turned left instead of turning right in their lives. It's normal -- as long as it doesn't become an obsession. My advice is to relax and enjoy this first taste of campus life, and if you still feel the need to experience the "big city," transfer in your junior year. If you still want to, that is.

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to an otherwise great guy I'll call "Wayne," who has a bad habit. He calls me by his ex-wife's name. The first couple of times it happened, I called it a mistake. But now it happens habitually, and I'm at my wit's end.

Wayne says I should be more forgiving because they were married a long time and have kids together. I say they divorced for a reason. They have been apart almost five years, and his ex has remarried. He has dated other women before me. Her name should be out of his vocabulary by now. Wayne claims this also happened with the other women he dated, and they didn't make such a big fuss. He blames it on my insecurities.

Am I making too big a deal of this, or am I entitled to my feelings? I've had nightmares about it happening at the altar. I don't think I'd be big enough to forgive that. What do you think? -- WHAT'S IN A NAME? RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR WHAT'S IN A NAME: The answer to both of your questions is yes. You are entitled to your feelings, and you are making too big a deal out of it. One of the nice things about standing at the altar is no matter how nervous one gets, all a person has to do is repeat what the clergyperson says, and/or say, "I do." Perhaps it's time you composed a list of all of the things that make Wayne special, and learn how to laugh and joke about his one shortcoming. I guarantee that if you do, you'll both be happier.

DEAR ABBY: What's the correct protocol for parents of a newly engaged couple to meet? Should the bride's parents make the initial contact to the parents of the groom to arrange a meeting, or vice versa? This has been bugging me for some time. -- BUGGED IN BURR RIDGE, ILL.

DEAR BUGGED: The groom's family should make the first move. However, if they don't, then the bride's parents should take the initiative. Remember, above all, that this is supposed to be a happy occasion for all concerned, so it's important that ill feelings be kept to a minimum and the benefit of the doubt be extended along with the hand of friendship.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm an American soldier serving in Iraq. When I went on leave for two weeks to see my family, I found out that my wife had posted a profile in a chat room on a public Web site. When I asked her about it, she denied it. When I showed her what I had found, she confessed.

I wouldn't have been upset, but she lied to me -- besides, the profile presented her as single. It included a picture and information about how she looks and what she's "looking for." This has really put a dent in our marriage. I can't trust her, particularly from over here. She claims it was a one-time thing because she was bored.

I don't want to leave her and my three daughters, but now I have no trust in her whatsoever. It's tearing me up inside. Everything she does I question, and it's wrecking our marriage. I want to trust her, but what should I do? Please help me. -- SSG HURTING IN IRAQ

DEAR SSG HURTING: Until your tour of duty is over, your most important priority must be your own safety. That means you must develop tunnel vision for a while and think of nothing but yourself and your mission. For now, accept what your wife says. Time and distance can do strange things to people's relationships, and there is nothing more stressful than what both of you are experiencing right now.

If your daughters are being well taken care of, accept that for the time being. When your tour of duty is over, there will be time to deal with this -- through marriage counseling or spiritual counseling. So listen up: Please trust me and stay strong.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a student, I was encouraged to further my education. I hold two bachelor of arts degrees plus extensive training in emergency services. To my dismay, however, having an education has been a problem, not a plus, for me in my employment.

People tell me I am "overeducated" for the job I so dearly love. It didn't bother me until I took a new job that required both my college degree and my technical training. One co-worker complained that my education "intimidated her" so much she "felt she couldn't do her job." Our supervisor said it was my fault that she was lashing out at me.

Since then I have moved away from that city. I have asked several friends about the "intimidating education factor" and was told it's also the reason I'm still single. I know that having an education is important, and I don't understand why it's having a crippling effect on my life. (I'm not pompous about my education. People have asked and I've told them.) What I don't tell them is I have a "genius" IQ, but it apparently shows when I talk. How do I cope with this? Is it me, or the society we live in? -- OVEREDUCATED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR OVEREDUCATED: Although I have never met you face-to-face, I can tell you with some certainty that it isn't the society we live in. So, that leaves "you." The problem isn't that you are "overeducated." It may be something to do with your personality -- the way you present yourself and the way others perceive you. I have met "brilliant" people whom I would describe as intellectual super-athletes. Some of them are socially adept and make those around them feel comfortable, regardless of their level of education. However, some of them are not. You may fall into the latter category.

I would recommend that you now invest in a different kind of "education" -- the "University of You." In other words, find a psychologist who can help you figure out why, with so much to offer, you are not able to fit in. It will be money well spent.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Last week, my 1-year-old son, "Tommy," crawled up on the couch where his father, "Monte," was resting. Tommy smacked his daddy in the face with a toy. Monte slapped Tommy back so hard he left a welt on his face. I grabbed the baby and said some things I perhaps shouldn't have. Monte got so mad at me that he threw me on the couch and began choking me.

A neighbor called Monte's father, "Lyle," to the house. Lyle asked what happened. When I told him Monte had slapped Tommy in the face, Monte called me a liar. Then Lyle turned around and came after me, cornering me in the kitchen. He got in my face and screamed that I was at fault for Monte losing his temper. He said it was because of my "nagging." I was cornered three times. Each time I tried to move away, he'd start up again.

Monte just stood there and watched me holding the baby and getting screamed at. He didn't lift a finger to defend me. I am so hurt. It's one thing to have a fight with my husband, but his father had no place getting in my face. Monte said his dad was trying to prove a point -- that a person can only take so much. Monte said he patted his father on the back for what he did. I am no longer talking to his father. Please help me. I am desperate for guidance. -- SHAKING IN OHIO

DEAR SHAKING: To slap a 1-year-old baby and leave a welt on his face is child abuse. Throwing you on a couch and trying to choke you is spousal abuse. What his father did is verbal abuse. Monte is standing behind his father because he thinks this is normal behavior. Unless you take your baby and get out of there, your son will turn out just like his father and grandfather. So leave now, before you or your baby are physically, as well as emotionally, damaged.

If you are afraid to leave, call the National Domestic Violence toll-free hotline: (800) 799-7233. Counselors there will help you formulate an escape plan. (For people with hearing impairments, the TTY number to dial is (800) 787-3224.)

DEAR ABBY I have been married to "Grant" for eight years. Soon after our marriage I learned he was a compulsive liar.

Grant told me while we were dating that he had a sister. I later learned the woman was a friend. He said he was divorced from his second wife when we met. They weren't divorced until one month before our wedding, something I discovered only when I found his divorce papers.

Grant's first wife swears they are still married. He says they're divorced, but he lost the divorce papers.

A year ago, I found out my husband was never in the Marines like he said, and after eight years of believing he had a BA in business, I just learned he dropped out of college after his freshman year.

I have just about had it with his constant lying. He has also cheated on me. I want a divorce, but I don't want to look like a failure to my family and friends. Grant is begging me to stay. He promises he'll change, but I have heard that all before. What should I do? -- WIFE IN CRISIS

DEAR WIFE: Consult a lawyer. Tell him or her exactly what you have told me. Because your husband misrepresented himself before your marriage, you may have grounds for an annulment. Your attorney should also check to see if there is any record of his first divorce, because if there isn't one, you and Grant are not married, which solves your problem. Cross your fingers.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)