DEAR ABBY: I disagree with the advice you gave to the girl who signed herself "Latchkey Kid in Seattle." While I agree that the last resort might be to find another adult the girl can stay with while her mom "entertains" her boyfriend/boss, her first step should be to try to solve the problem at home. A woman who devotes so much attention to her married boss at the expense of her own daughter is losing a lot of herself and destroying any future relationship with the girl.

I say the girl should talk with her mother about her feelings first, and how they can best balance the needs of both of them. Single parents can be blind to how their actions affect their loved ones when they become focused on their own needs. Mom should be told by her daughter how much she is needed and how important it is for her to know that her mom will be there for her. Companionship isn't the only issue here. The daughter needs her as a role model, parent and friend.

If Mom refuses to give her daughter the time and attention she so greatly deserves, then I say the daughter should seek help elsewhere. -- MICHAEL M., TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR MICHAEL M.: The mother KNOWS what she's doing. The writer indicated that it happens regularly. That's why I told her to talk to her father or another adult relative, or parent of a friend, about spending time in another household while "Mom is out on her dates." However, from the responses I received about that letter, some readers feel I wasn't hard enough on the mother. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am an art psychotherapist. Abandonment is the worst kind of mental and physical abuse. That mother should be reported as a child abuser. Instead of directing the child to family or friends' parents to watch over her, you should have told her to go to the father, school counselor or another trusted adult for help in getting out of this dangerous situation PERMANENTLY. I have seen the result of such neglect and abuse. It's horrible. Please advise other readers in similar situations that they don't have to be abused in this way. It could save a life. -- SANDY IN SUNNYVALE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Department of Social Health Services worker in Washington state. It is against state law here to leave a child under the age of 12 alone without an appropriate caregiver. That child needs to talk to another adult or family member immediately, as you suggested. But not for a refuge while her mother is "otherwise occupied." She needs a safe, sane and loving home in which to live. If there is no family member she can talk to, she should talk to someone at her school. The schools are required to report instances of suspected child abuse/neglect to Child Protective Services for investigation. -- CONCERNED IN VANCOUVER, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: I thought that as a parent you were supposed to put your child first. "Latchkey Kid's" mother is irresponsible, and her behavior shows concern for her needs only and none for her daughter. Maybe if Child Protective Services gets involved, the mother will get a wake-up call and go back to being the parent the girl deserves. -- DISGUSTED IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: You missed the boat here. You should have advised "Latchkey Kid" to go over and hang out with Mom's boss's wife. She is obviously alone as often as "Latchkey" is -- and she might appreciate the company! -- SHANNON IN PORT CHARLOTTE, FLA.

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DEAR MR. GREGG: I'm pleased to help you spread this important and timely message. With so many people having been displaced by the recent natural disaster in the Southeast, your Go Direct program will ease considerable logistical problems in getting their money to them. This is a prudent way for all Americans to be prepared in case of a disaster.

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DEAR ABBY: I am from the South and have lived in Colorado for five years, but I still have a deep Southern accent. My problem concerns a woman who works at our local grocery store. Every time I shop there, she responds to me by mocking my accent in a very exaggerated manner.

Last week, I asked her to please not do it anymore because it hurts my feelings. She said she does it because she thinks I talk funny and it makes her laugh. Should I just find another store? This is really bothering me. -- DAUGHTER OF THE SOUTH, AURORA, COLO.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Absolutely find another establishment in which to spend your money -- but before you do, have a little chat with the manager of the store and explain why you're taking your business elsewhere. His employee appears to have left her brains in the deep freeze, because her actions are inexcusable.

DEAR ABBY: For most of this year I have been battling a drug and alcohol addiction. I am only 14, but I have managed to almost completely stop both -- but on my bad days I fall right back in.

I would have the strength to stop if it wasn't for my best friend, "Stella." Stella helped me deal with my parents' divorce and a near-suicide attempt. I got her into alcohol. I have tried to stop, but she is always dragging me back into it.

Please tell me what to do. I don't want to lose Stella as a friend, but I can't keep damaging my life. -- LOST IN CONFUSION, JACKSONVILLE, FLA.

DEAR LOST: One of the keys to staying sober is cutting your ties with people who "enable" you to fall off the wagon. Your health and sobriety depend upon your developing friendships with kids who stay clean. You and Stella may be best friends, but right now you're not good for each other.

You say Stella "saved your life." Well, you now have an opportunity to save hers. Do that by telling Stella's mother than she is abusing alcohol. Plan on the fact that your friend won't like it, but please don't chicken out. It's the most direct way to ensure that she'll get the help she needs.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently learned that my parents still have a videotape of my first wedding. I was married to that louse for a miserable four months. Several years later I met and married my present husband, a sweet guy. We have been together for 10 years and have three beautiful children.

I have asked my mother to destroy the tape, but she refuses. She says she keeps it because several of the wedding guests on the tape are now deceased. I would love to see those deceased relatives again, Abby, but not that cursed wedding. And I certainly don't want my children to see it. What should I do? -- DISMAYED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR DISMAYED: Your mother's reason for keeping the tape seems logical. Stay calm, and ask her to please not share it with your children. That's a reasonable request. When the time comes that your mother joins the relatives on the tape, you can dispose of the "evidence" of your youthful mistake without causing a family feud.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorcee of one year who has only recently started dating after a severely broken heart and pocketbook. I was married 19 years and had never dated anyone besides my former husband. Dating is confusing and difficult for me. It's hard to decide who to date or if it's worth it. It definitely isn't like choosing a meal from a menu -- men are tricky characters.

I have been seeing one guy steadily. I'll call him "Chad." We are intensely in love. Chad wants to devote all of his time to me. He had lots of hobbies before he met me, but he has dropped all of them. He gets jealous about any time I spend with my friends. Chad says he doesn't need friends, and implies that I shouldn't either.

My friends are dear to me, and some of them are lifelong. I don't mind spending lots of time with Chad, but I'm not going to completely neglect my friends. How can I get this point across to him, or should I move on? -- DATING DILEMMA IN ARKANSAS

DEAR DATING DILEMMA: Pushing for a quick involvement and trying to isolate the partner from his/her friends are usually a tip-off that the "pusher" is insecure. They are also warning signs of a potential abuser. If you continue to date this man, he will alienate your friends to the point that you will have nobody but him. I recommend that you move on.

DEAR ABBY: Is there any rule of etiquette when it comes to approaching a stranger's baby? My friend, "Alicia," was holding our 3-month-old daughter, "Kimberly," while we were in a store. A friend of hers came over and asked to hold the baby. When Alicia said she should ask Mom, the friend said Alicia was holding the baby and took Kimberly without asking me first. This made my husband and me uncomfortable and angry. We took Kimberly from Alicia's friend and left very upset.

This is our first child, and it is our job to protect her. We feel we should be in control of who holds our baby. Your thoughts, please. -- CHRIS IN FINDLAY, OHIO

DEAR CHRIS: There is a rule of etiquette: No one should touch a baby without the mother's permission. Your reaction was a normal one. The woman who took your daughter from your friend's arms without permission had a lot of nerve.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)