DEAR ABBY: I was glad to see your reply to "Frustrated in Florida," who doesn't share a bedroom with her husband and is getting heat about it from her parents and in-laws. You said there is no law that demands couples have to.

My husband and I also sleep in separate rooms. We are embarrassed to let people know we don't sleep together because they automatically assume we're not getting along. We still have a very close relationship and always will. -- HAPPY WITH SEPARATE BEDROOMS, GURNEE, ILL.

DEAR HAPPY: That letter brought in bushels more from couples who also sleep better apart. It seems the practice isn't as unusual as some might think. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I haven't shared a bed for 15 of the 20 years we've been married. It saved our marriage. He's a night owl; I'm an early-to-bed, early-to-rise type who sleeps very lightly. Sharing a bedroom is not a part of the marriage vows. It's whatever works best for the couple -- and nobody else's business. -- SLEEPING SOLO, PENDLETON, IND.

DEAR ABBY: After 25 years of marriage, we use separate bedrooms, too. I have insomnia and am going through menopause. My cowboy sleeps with a lot of covers and is always cold. We tell anyone who questions our arrangement that sharing a bed doesn't guarantee sex all the time. With us, I ask my cowboy, "Should I go to the Holiday Inn or Best Western tonight?" It works for us, and we sleep great. -- RESTED IN MOUNT PULASKI, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: Sleeping in separate rooms saved my marriage. For years, we forced ourselves to share the same bed. I finally got mad and slept in the guest room one night. We both woke up the next morning relatively sane! The only one who has a hard time with this is the family dog, who now must rotate between bedrooms. We have no problem arranging "together time." As for family members, it's none of their business. -- NO LONGER FRUSTRATED, LAKE WORTH, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: It took our marriage to almost fail before we realized we just needed to sleep apart. Our physical relationship improved after we used separate bedrooms because we were better rested and not so irritable with each other.

We have never told our families about it. If you print this, please do not reveal my name or location. They still don't know. -- HAPPY IN DREAMLAND

DEAR ABBY: I'm a morning person, in bed by 10:30 p.m. My husband usually stays up till 1 a.m. Having separate bedrooms works beautifully for us. When I retire at night, he rubs my feet with cream. In the morning, I bring him his coffee in bed.

Everyone needs time to themselves. I have my alone time in the morning; he has his at night. We're always happy to see each other after our alone time. For 45 years, this has worked perfectly for us. When anyone acts surprised that we have separate bedrooms, we always say, "Oh, but we have plenty of visitation!" That gets 'em. -- SLEEPING SOUNDLY IN HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: Silence is golden, I say. And that goes for telling marriage secrets outside the home. Where they sleep is nobody's business but their own! -- BETHESDA SLEEPER

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Justin," and I have been together 12 years, married for five. We get along well, except for one thing, his so-called "jokes."

Rather than coming out and saying I've done something that bothers him, Justin will make a sarcastic comment, then insist he's "just kidding." If I forget to turn off a light, he'll say something like, "So, you're trying to make sure the electric company doesn't go out of business -- right?" If I tell him his unshaven face hurts when he kisses me, he'll say, "Most women would love it if their husbands gave them kisses all the time ... maybe I should have married one of them." No single remark sounds that terrible, but it's been going on for 12 years and I've had enough.

No matter what he says, as long as Justin claims to be "kidding," he doesn't think I have a reason to get angry. He'll say I don't have a sense of humor, or that I'm "thin-skinned." I tell him frequently that it bothers me. I have asked repeatedly that he just say what's on his mind, but he doesn't. How can I get through to him that what he's doing isn't "joking"; it's avoiding accountability for his comments? -- NOT AMUSED IN VERMONT

DEAR NOT AMUSED: It would be interesting to know something about the atmosphere in which your husband was raised, because emotionally, he's a coward. The term for what he's doing is "passive aggression." People who use it aren't secure enough to be directly confrontational, so they beat around the bush -- taking little jabs here and there, not enough to do serious damage. The measured doses of venom keep their victim off balance and in a constant state of irritation. (If the targets react, it becomes "their" fault.)

You must be a very strong person to have tolerated this for so long. I'm sad to say, your husband may be incapable of changing. However, a way to get him to recognize what he's doing, and how damaging it is, would be through marriage counseling. If he won't go, go without him. It will give you insight and perspective.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has been living with this guy for seven years. We don't live with her, but when we visit, he mentally and emotionally abuses her. Yesterday he cussed me and my brother out, and threatened to beat us up.

My mother wants to leave but she can't. I know it's none of my business because I am only 13, but my brother and I want her to get out. We don't like this guy and don't want to see him anymore. I have told my mother this. She says she'll leave, but she never does! What should I do? I need help to get her to leave this guy because mental abuse leaves a scar on your life that causes you to hate and fear others. -- MICHAEL IN NASHVILLE, TENN.

DEAR MICHAEL: For someone 13, you are very world-wise. I respect that you want to help your mother get away. However, that will take not only careful planning, but a strong desire on her part -- and I'm not sure your mother really wants to go.

Are her parents still living? If they are, tell them what you have told me. Does she have sisters and brothers? Tell them, too. If she has no one, give her the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE (� HYPERLINK "http://www.hndvh.org" ��www.ndvh.org�). When she's ready, they can help her make a plan for leaving. But no one can do this for her. Ultimately, this is something your mother must do for herself.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In response to the question of where to place one's handbag in a restaurant, you replied: "If you're carrying a small, dressy evening bag, place it on the table. However, if you're carrying a large handbag, put it on the floor next to your chair or beneath the table so the server won't trip on it."

I keep my smaller purses between my body and/or trusted companion or the wall, and I place larger bags on the floor, making sure my foot is in contact with it at all times. (Usually between my feet.)

I was in a service business for many years, and customers would confide the most outrageous details of their personal lives. Once, a young woman told me she visited large churches when it rained because she could use her umbrella to reach under pews and hook purses. Then she'd slip out before the final prayer.

Women need visual contact with their purses at all times. -- OLDER AND WISER, SPRINGFIELD, MO.

DEAR WISER: It's sad to think that not even a house of God is safe from purse snatching. I received a lot of mail about that letter. Not everyone agreed with my answer to that question, nor do they agree with each other. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Sadly, there are purse snatchers in restaurants, food courts, picnic areas, etc. I have seen women sling their open bag over the back of a chair and -- swoosh goes the handbag or wallet.

Other than an evening clutch on the table, I place my handbag either underneath the table, between my feet where I can feel it at all times, or sling the strap over my knee and let the bag hang or rest on the floor. It may not be the most comfortable option, but I still have my bag when I'm ready to pay my tab. -- VANESSA R., CHICAGO

DEAR ABBY: Placing a purse on the table inconveniences the person sitting next to you. If you're at a table for two with no one beside you, it's still a bad idea. Even in upscale restaurants, the purse can be stolen.

You suggested putting the bag on the floor. Floors in public places are filthy! Large handbags should be left at home, but if you have no choice, it should be balanced on your lap, close to your knees. (This can be accomplished by keeping your feet flat on the floor or crossing them at the ankles.) -- V.A.R., JONESBOROUGH, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: Any purse placed under or next to a chair is vulnerable to theft. If a woman puts it on the floor, she should put the strap around the leg of her chair, so if someone tries to take it, the strap will be caught on the leg. Better yet, when she arrives at the restaurant, she should take out her billfold and lock the purse in the trunk of her car. -- DAVID F., KANSAS CITY, MO.

DEAR ABBY: A portion of your answer to that question was correct. Abby, in restaurants in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, a chair is always provided to hold a large purse. Only "ladies of the evening" put their purses on the floor.

Granted, not everyone is going to be going to Rio to a restaurant, but it is "food for thought" here in the States. -- JAN. R., BEVERLY HILLS, FLA.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)