DEAR ABBY: I live in a family-oriented neighborhood. My problem is my next-door neighbor flies his gay pride flag in his front yard. Because we have a lot of families with young children who do not need to be subjected to that kind of thing, I have asked him numerous times to remove it.

His response is it's a free country and he does not subject anybody to his lifestyle.

I strongly feel that in a neighborhood devoted to children's morals and the way life should be, he should not be allowed to have that flag in his front yard for everyone to see. I threatened if he didn't take it down, I'd call the police. I feel it's harming the children to see that flag flying, especially on a busy street that everyone travels on. What should I do? -- RIGHTEOUS IN NEW CASTLE, PA.

DEAR RIGHTEOUS: First of all, calm down. Your neighbor is hurting no one, and "young children" will not understand what the flag symbolizes. Unless there are codes, covenants or restrictions in your neighborhood governing the display of flags, your neighbor has a right to hoist his banner. Rather than picking a fight about something so insignificant, you should concentrate on cultivating your own garden and stop obsessing about what's going on in his.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of four years, "William," recently told me -- after a few cocktails -- that the reason he's afraid to get married is because he wouldn't get to have sex with anyone else. He told me that in high school and college, he was known to his friends as "the guy that always got any girl he went after" -- and I guess he's struggling with losing his freedom.

William is 27 now. Should I be seeing a red flag here? Does this mean he would be a womanizer if we do get married? -- WONDERING IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR WONDERING: I suspect the fear of taking a vow to "forsake all others" is one that's pretty common among boys. However, when the adolescent finally grows up, he usually realizes the value -- and importance -- of monogamy in a marital relationship.

Whether his attitude is a red flag for your future depends upon how much of your boyfriend's identity is tied up in being "William the conqueror." If he constantly has to prove to himself that he can get any girl he goes after, he may be using sex the way some people use alcohol or drugs -- and that's a problem that can destroy almost any marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married in a few weeks. She chose to have a small, intimate wedding, followed by a dinner reception. The cost is $60 per person. She strictly limited the number of invitations according to her budget.

Abby, she now has more acceptances than invitations sent! It seems that many of the people who are coming have added other relatives to their response cards. One family added two teenagers, another added cousins of the groom that he has never even met. The guest list has grown by one-third.

Is there a way to handle this -- or are we in big trouble when the bill comes? -- HORRIFIED IN BEAUMONT, CALIF.

DEAR HORRIFIED: There's a way to handle it, but it must be done immediately. Whoever issued the invitations for each side of the family must call those relatives who have added others to their response cards, and inform them that for budgetary reasons, their guests cannot be accommodated. If any of those rude people offer to pay for the extra guests they added -- and a few may do that -- make sure to get the money up front.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am responding to the letter from "Sleepy in New York," whose dinner guests often stay well past their bedtime.

My late father used to tell a story that always made us laugh, and it ends with a line that "Sleepy" could use.

He had an aunt and uncle who lived in the Deep South and who had a similar problem with guests overstaying their welcome after dinner. If their guests hadn't left by the time they normally went to bed, his uncle would say to his aunt, "Well, Harriet, it's time to go to bed so these good folks can go home!" According to Dad, this line never failed to do the trick. -- CAROLYN IN ALLENTOWN, PA.

DEAR CAROLYN: I love the line. It's far more "couth" than "It's time you people hit the road so we can hit the sheets." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I had to respond to "Sleepy in New York." My father is also an early-to-bedder, and whenever we had company that stayed a little late, Dad would slip into his bedroom and put on his pajamas and robe. Then he'd return to the living room, winding his alarm clock.

Everyone always laughed and took the hint. -- LISA IN PIKEVILLE, TENN.

DEAR LISA: Your father should have been a performance artist. All he needed was a tape recording of "Goodnight, Sweetheart" playing in the background.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Sleepy," the early-riser who could not seem to get dinner guests to go home, brought back a funny memory.

Many years ago, after a dinner party, we had adjourned to the living room for coffee and continued conversation. It was approaching midnight and we were starting to nod off, wondering how we could politely "nudge" our guests out the door.

Suddenly, the mantel clock struck 12 and the living room lights, which we always kept on a timer and had forgotten to reset for the party, went off. Plunged into almost total darkness, our embarrassed guests leaped to their feet and said, "Oh, goodness, we had no idea it was so late!" We all laughed as we fumbled our way toward the well-lighted front hall and exchanged goodbyes.

The clock still strikes the hour. We have never bothered to turn the automatic timer off. -- SAVED BY THE BELL IN VA.

DEAR SAVED BY THE BELL: Nor should you turn it off. It's good insurance.

In a more serious vein, sometimes guests are afraid to leave a dinner party for fear of appearing rude to their hosts. One way to avoid the problem would be for the hosts, when extending the invitation, to say, "I'm giving a dinner party next Saturday between 7 and 10 p.m. Cocktails will start at 7 -- dinner will be served at 8." That way everyone will be clear about the time frame.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend exposed her breasts in front of a group of guys at a barbecue. I was very hurt by it and no longer have any respect for her. I can't forgive her for it, and I have broken off the relationship. She thinks I am wrong for feeling this way. What do you think? -- UNFORGIVING IN LOVELAND, COLO.

DEAR UNFORGIVING: Your feelings are your feelings, and you are entitled to them. The girl showed poor judgment. My immediate reaction is she must have been drunk when she did it. If that's not the case, she may be insecure and was making a bid for attention. Because you say you no longer respect her, I'd say it's time to find another girl who doesn't flash her headlights.

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DEAR ABBY: I work for a law enforcement agency. Several months ago, my 23-year-old nephew (I'll call him Dion) moved in with me and my mother. Dion is not an orphan. Both his parents are living.

Last month, I discovered that Dion has been smoking marijuana, and selling it, too. When I confronted him, his response was, "Marijuana is better than alcohol." I pointed out to him that alcohol is legal and marijuana isn't, and I don't want it in my house. I could lose my job over this, but he and Mom just don't seem to "get it."

After trying to help my nephew by searching for jobs and helping him with financial aid for school, I realized that I was doing the majority of the legwork while he was lying in bed all day and watching TV.

I have told Dion he must be out by the middle of next month, but my mother isn't backing me up on this. (She's an enabler, and I think I am, too.) I told Mom that either he goes or I do. Is she right? Am I being unreasonable? -- AUNT AT THE END OF MY ROPE IN PASADENA

DEAR AUNT: You're not being unreasonable; you're being pragmatic and rational. Has it occurred to you that your nephew might not just be lying in bed all day watching TV, but also stoned out of his gourd? Stick to your guns. Your career could depend on it.

If it is discovered that he has been dealing an illegal substance from your premises, you could lose not only your credibility, but also your livelihood. If he has been smoking grass in your house, it's likely the scent is on your clothing. Let's pray you get this felon-in-training out of there before a member of the canine unit starts wagging his tail in front of you.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Matt" for about a year. We have had a great relationship, and I really adore him. Not long ago, I had some severe financial setbacks, so we decided to move in together to help me with the expenses.

Although Matt is good to me, he hasn't told me that he loves me. I don't know if this is bothering me so much because I'm used to praise, or if, after one year, this phrase should have been spoken. We share things that people who love each other do, and I kind of feel cheated –- like the relationship is somehow incomplete.

I talked to my girlfriends. They agree that if we live together and he essentially takes care of me, he should have told me by now. When I ask him about us and how he feels, he says, "I care a lot about you," and "You mean a lot to me." But when I asked why he hasn't said "I love you," he told me he doesn't feel that way yet -– to give him time. He said "I love you" means a lot to him, and he isn't just going to throw it out there to make me feel good.

The other night I was talking to him and blurted out, "I love you." He said, "Oh, baby," and acted like I hadn't said a word. It left me feeling a terrible void. Am I being unfair to this relationship and myself? -- LOVELESS IN WYOMING

DEAR LOVELESS: You are feeling a terrible void because there is one. You are not living with Matt because he wants to take your relationship to the next level; you are living with him because you had financial setbacks and he took you in. That's charity, not love.

If you want to move this relationship forward, you may have to take a giant step backward –- specifically, save some money and move out. You will never get him to love you by pressuring him, but you might if you create a void that he thinks only you can fill.

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