DEAR ABBY: An ex-girlfriend from three years ago has asked me to help her work on a project that will further her career.

I am already established, and have been known to help people on occasion. I want her to succeed, but the problem with this particular charity case is the reason we broke up. It happened just days before I planned to propose to her, when I found out that she had been unfaithful to me.

Originally, I didn't want to help her and told her I thought the situation would make me uncomfortable because I would have to spend a lot of time with her. However, when I related this to a friend, he told me to get over it and help her. (My other friends thought I was a sucker for even considering it.)

I am over the heartbreak I once felt with her, although it took a while. I'm dating now, but have yet to meet someone I click with.

How should I handle this? My initial response was "No -- I think I'd feel too uncomfortable." But I keep second-guessing myself. -- WOBBLY BOUNDARIES IN TEXAS

DEAR WOBBLY: I think the woman had a lot of nerve asking you to help her, considering the terms of your breakup.

Please stop second-guessing yourself; listen to your gut and "pass." Because if you don't, MY gut tells me you are going to get emotionally involved and get hurt again.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, "Brooke," is nearly 7 and very attached to our family dog, "Tuffy." Tuffy is 13, deaf, going blind and has difficulty walking. We have spent a fortune keeping Tuffy with us, including tumor removals, but it has reached the point where we don't want him to suffer anymore. We are considering having him euthanized.

We have discussed what will happen to Tuffy with Brooke. We asked her whether she would like to come with us when we take Tuffy to the vet, or if she'd like to say goodbye and stay with a friend while my wife and I go. She voted for the latter, but in discussing it further she gets very upset.

The alternative is to lie to her and have Tuffy put down while Brooke is at school, and tell her that he passed away during the day. Either way, she will be very sad. All I want is to spare my daughter as much grief as possible. What do you think? -- FEELING GUILTY IN SAN JOSE

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: First of all, please stop feeling guilty. When a pet can no longer be active and enjoy life, its owner is doing it a favor to give it an easy way out. (Human beings should be so fortunate!) It's normal for your daughter to be upset at the idea her pet will die, and she should not be present when it is put to sleep. That's too big a dose of reality for a child her age. While some might not agree with me, I also feel that it would be a kindness not to tell her exactly when you plan to take Tuffy to the vet.

DEAR ABBY: My 7-year-old son almost always ends up in my bed in the middle of the night. I am a single mother, so this doesn't really bother me, but I'm beginning to wonder if I should start discouraging this. What do you think? -- THINKING TWICE IN BATTLE CREEK, MICH.

DEAR THINKING TWICE: I think it's important that you find out why your son isn't able to make it through the night in his own bed. If you can't get to the bottom of it, then schedule an appointment for the two of you with his pediatrician.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: While driving near a school in the late afternoon, I noticed in my rearview mirror a mother talking on her cell phone while her daughter sat stone-faced beside her. This went on for well over two miles and several red lights.

I remember so fondly talking to my boys after school, learning about their day on the drive home. That mom could have been conversing with her daughter, or listening to what her daughter had to say, if she hadn't been on the phone.

I would encourage parents to take a simple step: Make drive time with their kids to and from school a "no phone zone" (for the kids, too). This precious alone time with our children should be used wisely. -- PROUD DAD WITH THREE FANTASTIC SONS

DEAR PROUD DAD: That's terrific advice. You are not the only reader who has written me about seeing parents with small children in tow whose attention is glued to a cell phone rather than on the kids. Although these adults are physically present, their attention is miles away.

Interestingly, I have seen this kind of behavior repeated among young people out on dates -- attractive couples seated in restaurants, both talking on their cell phones rather than to each other. Now, I realize they "could" have been talking to each other -- but wouldn't it have been more logical to direct their comments across the table?

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with "Charles" for two years. For most of that time, he has been on my case to do something with my life.

I have a job, although not a high-paying one, but I get by. At Charles' suggestion I enrolled in a vocational college. I have been doing quite well, getting A's on my tests and quizzes. I feel I'm accomplishing something and improving my future.

My problem is that Charles gives me no encouragement. He is always telling me I'm going to drop out as soon as it becomes difficult. Abby, I really like my classes and my instructors. I have never been a quitter. So why does he keep suggesting otherwise? Is it wrong of me to expect encouragement instead of put-downs? -- CONFUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFUSED: Charles may be trying to use reverse psychology, thinking that if he tells you you'll fail, then it will stimulate you to try harder. Or he may have an inferiority complex and tries to build himself up by putting you down.

An example: A woman I know told her husband she wanted to go into real estate. Instead of encouraging her, his response was that she'd "never pass the test." She not only passed the test, but did it on her first try! Then he told her that she'd "never sell a house." Not only did she sell a house, she built a comfortable career selling many of them -- in spite of his dire prediction.

Years later, she mentioned she'd like to open a children's discount clothing store. He laughed and told her it would never succeed. Because he was a businessman, she believed him and didn't pursue it. Of course, we all know how popular discount stores are today. My friend has regretted it ever since.

Back to you: You're getting good grades and enjoying what you're doing. Thank Charles for pointing you in that direction, but take your encouragement from your instructors. To do otherwise would be like taking swimming lessons from someone who insists you wear cement boots.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I lost a treasured stuffed animal from my childhood. I told my husband about it, and how sad it made me.

Being the caring, thoughtful person he is, he went on eBay to see if he could find one like it. He thought he had located it, but wanted to be absolutely sure, so he sent my mom the link. She informed him it wasn't the same bear and convinced him not to buy it, but still he told me about it.

The next time we went to visit my mother, she said she had a "surprise" for me. As we were packing to go home, she presented the surprise: The same teddy bear my husband had shown her. He was very upset, but did not confront her.

My husband has also mentioned that he feels my mother doesn't like him. Would it be OK to ask her why she bought the bear after talking him out of it? If so, how would you suggest mentioning it without sounding accusatory? -- UPSET IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR UPSET: Stop worrying about sounding accusatory, and just ask her why she did it. Maybe she wanted to be a "hero." Maybe she felt the need to upstage your husband. Whatever the reason, she should explain herself. She owes your husband an apology.

DEAR ABBY: I am 10 and go to an elementary school where there is zero tolerance for bullying, teasing, fighting, etc. I have extremely low vision and have to wear glasses, but nobody made fun of me. (I'm the only one in class who wears glasses.)

A friend of my mom's son is starting first grade this coming year. His vision is lower than mine, and he has to wear very thick glasses. They are so thick the other kids might consider him a "nerd."

How can I comfort him? He is already sad. Do you think the kids will make fun of him? -- KID WITH GLASSES IN MISSOURI

DEAR KID WITH GLASSES: Support your friend by making a point of "being there" for him if he needs to talk, and if he's feeling bad about himself, reassure him by reminding him of his good points. However, because your school has zero tolerance for students abusing each other, the boy may not encounter the problems you fear he will.

One way to ensure tolerance and understanding would be for the teacher to prepare her students by explaining to them the disability their classmate is dealing with. When I was in grammar school, a deaf girl joined my class. Once her condition was understood by the other students, she was readily accepted.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor, who has been divorced for about a year and a half, has a day job. Her ex-husband is unemployed and lives just down the street. While my neighbor is at work and her two teenage sons are away, her ex goes into her house, sometimes for an hour or more. (He has access to their children's house keys.) At certain times of the month, I see him digging through her trash can at the end of the driveway.

I am sure she has no idea of what is going on at her house while she is at work. Knowing his bad behavior in the past, should I let my neighbor know what her ex-husband is doing? -- DILEMMA IN NORTHEAST TEXAS

DEAR DILEMMA: I am reminded of the profound saying, "All that is necessary for evil to happen is for good men to remain silent." What are you waiting for? Speak up!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)