DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Arnold," and I have lived together two years. During the four years that we've known each other, we have had only five or six really bad, screaming, door-slamming, crying fights about relatively important subjects like children and money.

Arnold told me yesterday morning that he would be playing soccer with friends after work, and to expect him home a little later than usual. Well, when he wasn't home by 10:30 p.m., I panicked because he's usually home from games by 7. His cell phone was turned off, so I called a co-worker to try to locate him. Ten minutes later Arnold walked in the door. When he heard I had called a co-worker trying to locate him, he got very angry. He raised his voice, called me "psycho," and said I had no right to know where he was every minute.

Abby, we live in a bad neighborhood where innocent people getting shot, run over and killed isn't unusual. I am very upset because I have no idea why he got so angry. We have since made up, but I'm still hurting and feel his reaction was undeserved. Did I overreact? Is this a bad sign for our future? -- LOVES ARNOLD IN OAKLAND

DEAR LOVES ARNOLD: Your boyfriend may have been embarrassed because his co-worker was called, or he may have been angry because he was somewhere other than a soccer game. I don't know him, so I can't read his motivation.

However, now that you both have cooled down, it's time to explain to Arnold again how worried you were when he didn't show up or call, and ask him why he reacted the way he did. Suggest that, in the future, he give you a call when he's going to be more than an hour late.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and just finished the seventh grade. I recently got my belly button pierced, and everything was fine until about a week ago. This sounds weird, but a red bump showed up at the top of my piercing, and it seems to keep swelling. I've had my belly button pierced for only a month, so I'm sure I started changing my jewelry too soon. I'm worried this bump will stay on my navel forever.

Do you have any idea what it is, and how I can get rid of it? I love my piercing and don't want to take it out. Any information would help. -- PIERCED IN MONTANA

DEAR PIERCED: You may have an infection at the site of your piercing, or be allergic to the metal in some of your navel jewelry. My advice is to ask your mother to schedule a doctor's appointment for you so the problem can be diagnosed and treated. The doctor can determine whether or not you will have to "take it out." Keep your fingers crossed and hold a good thought.

DEAR ABBY: You have asked readers to share their pet peeves with you. Well, here's mine. Please help me get the message out. When an elevator door opens, please allow the passengers who are getting off to get out of the elevator before you get on! I don't understand why people must push their way into an elevator while folks are trying to get off. -- ELIZABETH IN MEDFORD, ORE.

DEAR ELIZABETH: Neither do I, unless they are so determined to be first on the elevator that they have forgotten their manners. It's only common sense that the elevator be allowed to empty before passengers begin to enter -- otherwise they're jostling each other at the door.

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DEAR ABBY: My heart goes out to the suicidal 12-year-old from Pennsylvania. That letter was a cry for help, and I urge him or her to seek help immediately -- today, not tomorrow; now, not later. No 12-year-old deserves to feel the way that child does.

I can empathize because my 12-year-old son is struggling with major depression. Neither his father nor I realized it until one day he wrote a suicide note. Like the writer of that letter, my son thought if he told anyone he felt depressed he wouldn't be believed.

Believe me, when his suicide note was found, although he did not actually try to harm himself, it was taken very seriously. Treatment started that very day. We are not so far along on this journey that we know exactly what the future holds, but we do know our son is in a much happier place now with proper therapy and medication.

Adults in that child's life should treat even the suggestion of suicide with the seriousness it deserves and seek mental health treatment immediately. After seeing the difference therapy and medication have made in my son's life, I feel it is important to let that child know help is available. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. -- BEEN THERE AND DOING IT

DEAR BEEN THERE: I'm sure many more young people besides the one from Pennsylvania will appreciate your encouragement.

I advised the child who wrote to talk to a trusted teacher or counselor and to ask that person to intercede with his/her parents. I also suggested, if the temptation to self-injure became overwhelming, that he/she pick up the phone and ask the operator for a crisis hotline.

After the letter was published, I heard from many readers whose lives have been affected by depression or suicide. A woman who had been suicidal at 15 suggested the writer confide in a clergy person or the parents of a friend. A sixth-grade teacher, whose daughter had suffered from clinical depression for several years, told me her child had talked to a campus police officer about it because she "didn't want to worry" her mother. And a school social worker from Illinois asked me to print the number of the National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433).

DEAR Abby: Over the last two years I have lost 95 pounds. I did it by changing my lifestyle, exercising and making better food choices.

My husband, "Paul," insists that he shouldn't have to hide his cookies, potato chips and chocolate candy, and says I should have self-control. I do have self-control, Abby, but sometimes the temptation is just too great. I feel Paul is unconsciously trying to sabotage me. How can I make him understand that I don't want junk food in my line of vision, and that it isn't all about willpower? -- RESENTFUL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR RESENTFUL: Your resentment is justified. His insistence on keeping junk food where you will find it is an attempt at control. Your husband isn't "unconsciously" trying to sabotage you; it is overt and deliberate. Your victory may be a threat to him. On some level it may have made him feel less in control of you, or he may be threatened that you are now more attractive to other men.

Because you can't control what your husband does, you must control the way you react to it. The next time you take a bite of his junk food, remember why he left it there. I'm sure it will leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm 14, and I don't wear shorts because I'm self-conscious about my legs. My mother is always nagging me to wear them in the heat.

The other day, I overheard one of Mom's girlfriends ask her why I don't wear shorts, and what's wrong with my legs? The next day, Mom told me she was going to put on some shorts and how much cooler she felt. Then she asked, "Aren't you hot in those jeans? You should start wearing shorts."

Today, Mom had on some new shorts, and she said they were the most comfortable she had ever worn. Then she handed me a bag with four pairs of shorts and told me, "I got you some, too." She told me to try on a pair. I told her I wasn't wearing them. She yelled that I was being ridiculous to wear jeans in 95-degree weather.

Later, I got out of the shower and saw the shorts on my bed. All my jeans and pants were gone. Mom then came in and told me to put on the shorts. She said, "You have nice legs and look good wearing shorts. You look normal now -- and don't you feel a lot cooler?" She said she expects me to wear shorts every day for the rest of the summer. What should I do? -- NEEDS ADVICE IN TEXAS

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: You'll wear the shorts, and probably resent your mother every day you put them on -- or attempt a compromise. Believe it or not, you don't need advice as much as your mother does. She has won the battle, but at what price? She turned your insecurity into a power struggle and pulled rank. There was no reason to force you to wear shorts other than the fact she felt self-conscious in front of her friend. Talk about misplaced priorities!

DEAR ABBY: I am writing because I'm having my first child in October. I would like my mother to be in the room with me as I go through the labor because she has had four children and has coached other women through labor.

My husband thinks it's unfair to just have my mom in the room, and he's insisting that his mom be in the room, too. I don't need his mother's help, and I don't think it's necessary. He says he either wants it to be just the two of us for the entire labor and delivery, or both of our moms during the labor.

Do you think that's fair? Shouldn't I have more say in this since I'm the one having the baby? -- PREGNANT AND ANNOYED IN L.A.

DEAR PREGNANT: Your husband does not have the right to dictate who will attend the labor and delivery. When he delivers, then he can decide who should be there and for how long.

Before this situation degenerates any further, make your wishes known to your obstetrician. He or she can ensure that they are carried out.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently become engaged to be married. My fiance and I have been together about seven months. We plan to be married next June.

My mother and I are trying to decide the proper time to put the engagement announcement in the paper. She thinks we should do it in a few months, when we have made our final decisions about the wedding. I am clueless. Can you help? -- IN LOVE IN TEXAS

DEAR IN LOVE: According to Emily Post, announcements can appear as long as a year in advance of the wedding, or as short a time as one week. However, two or three months before the wedding is average.

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