DEAR ABBY: I'm a single man in my mid-40s. My parents are gone, but seven of my 10 siblings are still alive.

When I was 12, my appendix burst and I became deathly ill. The hospital visits took their toll on my dad, who suffered a major heart attack two weeks after I was released. Two weeks after that, my father had another massive heart attack that ended his life.

I felt extremely guilty. I thought I had killed my dad, so I turned to our parish priest for help. Instead, he chose to molest me. He said I had made him do it, and I walked out of church feeling I was to blame -- that I was evil.

From then on I trusted no one. I kept people at a distance. I have never had a close personal relationship or a romance.

I have been seeing a wonderful counselor for seven years. She has helped me a lot, but I have resigned myself to being alone the rest of my life.

Abby, my siblings hate me -- I'm not sure why. They have birthday parties, graduation parties, backyard barbecues and many family-oriented gatherings to which I am never invited. We live in the same small town, so it's not a matter of location. They go camping as a family in the summer, and it's always kept a secret from me. When I ask why I wasn't invited to the celebrations, I'm told that "there wasn't enough room." When I ask about the camping trips, I'm told, "We don't go camping as a family; we go as friends, so I'm sure you understand why you're not invited."

I really don't understand. I think they get some kind of kick out of knowing how badly they hurt me. My counselor says I should walk away from them and not look back because what they're doing is deliberate. But how can I walk away from the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally?

I keep hoping one of them will realize how badly I am hurting, have some compassion and extend a loving embrace to me before I completely die on the inside.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- A FAMILY OF ONE IN OHIO

DEAR FAMILY OF ONE: Please listen to your therapist and do as she advises. She has your best interests at heart. You were in no way to blame for your father's death, but on some level you may have been blamed for it by your siblings. Whatever is going on in their shriveled hearts, you cannot fix it. You will not find compassion or empathy where none exists. Your best chance of finding acceptance and love is to stop seeking it from your family, move on, and build a family of your own. Others have done it successfully, and so can you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a horse owner who doesn't mind allowing guests to ride gentle saddle horses. However, some of my guests are so obese that I cannot in good conscience allow them to ride.

Some of my recent guests have weighed more than 300 pounds and think they should be able to ride a small mare. How can I tactfully decline? -- BEFUDDLED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR BEFUDDLED: Weight can be a touchy subject for some people, but you are responsible for the welfare of your animals. Because they can't speak up for themselves, you must. Say it this way, "I'm sorry, but that horse is too small for you, so I can't accommodate you." It's not impolite; it's the truth.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 15. Just 18 days before our three-month anniversary of dating, my boyfriend, "Brandon," broke up with me. He was my first love and I am heartbroken. Seeing him having fun with someone else, while I am alone and hurting, is awful. I want to be happy, but I still love Brandon and want him back.

My friends and my parents all tell me to get over him. I don't want to get over Brandon. I want to know how to get him back. I miss everything we had together. When I think about the fun we had, I break down and cry. What do I do, Abby? I'm miserable without him. How do I stop loving him? -- CRYING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CRYING: Teenage romances can be complicated and painful, and you have my sympathy. Your problem isn't a new one; it's been happening ever since boys and girls started noticing each other. In my booklet for teens there is a section titled "Breaking Up -- or What to Do With the Pieces." In it, I say:

"Speak only well of each other -- or not at all -- after the break.

"Attend parties and school affairs, and develop new interests.

"Keep busy. Avoid the 'old reminders,' which tend to make you moody and broody. Put away or get rid of the pictures, photos and gifts ... unless you enjoy punishing yourself.

"Turn a deaf ear to anyone who wants to pry or question you.

"Girls: A boy says 'it's over' when he stops calling. Usually he gives no reason, but he has them. This means it's time to forget him.

"Boys: A girl will generally give you her reason. Accept it, whatever it is. This means, for you, too, it's time to move on.

"Once it's over, all the note-writing, phoning or conniving will not help your cause. Don't ask a mutual friend to help you 'get him (or her) back.' It will only make you look foolish.

"For all of you -- chalk it up to experience and a part of growing up. There's no growth without a little pain; and it only hurts for a little while."

There are dozens of other things I tell teens to ease them through these difficult, tumultuous years. "What Every Teen Should Know" can be ordered by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Is there a tactful way to let a good neighbor know that her wind chimes are driving us crazy? This neighbor hung the chimes on the opposite side of the house from their bedroom -- right next to our screened porch and bedroom window. I suspect that they never hear them, yet we must listen to them all day and all night. -- CRAVING PEACE AND QUIET, LEXINGTON, KY.

DEAR CRAVING: Here's how I'd handle it. I'd bake a batch of cookies or a pie and take it next door. As I offered the goodies to my neighbor, I would say, "I'm sure you're probably not aware of this, but your wind chimes clink day and night -- and they're driving my husband and me to distraction. Would you mind hanging them someplace else?" If she's as good a neighbor as you say, I'm sure she'll accommodate you.

DEAR ABBY: I rarely disagree with you, but after seeing the letter about a woman in a wheelchair cutting into line and "demanding access" to a handicapped restroom stall, I had to write.

Because of post-polio syndrome, I must use a wheelchair outside my home if walking even a moderate distance. To my knowledge, wheelchair users have the same bladder control as anyone else and require no special treatment. Unfortunately, some wheelchair users abuse their obvious physical problems and, at times, become tyrants. However, most of us want to be treated exactly like everyone else unless there's some kind of barrier such as a door that's difficult to open. Otherwise, we do not want special treatment. -- ABBY FAN, JAMESTOWN, N.Y.

DEAR FAN: Other readers echoed your sentiments, and some pointed out that there are people with "hidden" disabilities such as irritable bowel syndrome or incontinence. They felt, as you do, that the woman in the wheelchair was out of line (forgive the pun) for being demanding.

I feel, however, that the person standing in line should have offered to let the woman in the wheelchair go in first. And if she couldn't wait, she should have asked the woman for permission to go ahead of her. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The Americans With Disabilities Act affords persons with disabilities "equal, but not better" access to public services and programs. While it may be "nice" that an able-bodied person allows someone in a wheelchair to have first access to the large stall, legally a person in a wheelchair has to wait just like everyone else. -- AMY IN MADISON, WIS.

DEAR AMY: Let's use logic and consider statistical probability. If the bathroom contained four stalls, and only one was wheelchair-accessible, the odds of the person in the wheelchair getting to go to the bathroom were not "equal." An able-bodied person would have a 100 percent chance of getting a stall, while the disabled person would have only a 25 percent probability (1-in-4). To me, that's not "equal access."

DEAR ABBY: I'm disabled and can't count the times I've entered public restrooms and found the only occupied stall was the one that's handicapped-accessible. Last weekend at the supermarket, the occupant was reading the Sunday paper.

I'd love for anyone who thinks the woman in that letter "bullied" her way into line to spend one week in a wheelchair. They'd quickly discover what a gift their accessibility grants them on a daily basis. Perhaps then they'd understand the frustration of having only one stall to use, and having people who don't need it tell them they need to wait. -- ROSE IN ALTAMONTE SPRINGS, FLA.

DEAR ROSE: We think alike.

DEAR ABBY: Last December, I took my very ill, 80-year-old mother Christmas shopping. She needed to use the restroom, but her wheelchair wouldn't fit through the door. While Mom was struggling to get from her wheelchair into the stall, a woman in her mid-30s charged in and pushed her aside. My mom, who couldn't even stand straight, ended up having an "accident" because of the woman's aggressive rudeness. There's no doubt at all that she saw my mother struggling.

Mom rarely goes anywhere now; she is in hospice. But I'll never forget the incident. There's something seriously wrong with a nation that fails to honor and respect their elderly. Who would do something like that to someone who is old and disabled -- even if they do "gotta go right now"? Thanks for letting me vent! -- VICKI IN ROCKFORD, ILL.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)