DEAR ABBY: I'm a police officer with a large metropolitan police department. I have been dating a wonderful woman I'll call "Jamie" who was raised in -- and still resides in -- a small town where everyone knows everyone, and many people still leave their doors unlocked. I'm frustrated with her because she's so trusting of everyone.

The last time Jamie came here to visit, she accepted a ride from a complete stranger while walking to a nightclub. Because she thought he was "nice," she also gave him her name and phone number. Jamie frequently picks up hitchhikers, and last week after she finished work, she let an intoxicated male come to her barber shop at 10 p.m. and gave him a haircut. When she was finished cutting his hair, she told me he took out a bag of marijuana and asked her to smoke with him. Jamie does not use controlled substances. She says she gave him a ride back to his hotel so he would leave the shop.

I constantly tell my girlfriend to use common sense with strangers and stop assuming everyone is nice. I see violence, misery and mayhem every day, and I tell her about it. I'm afraid unless she starts using common sense that one day she'll be a victim. Please help me get through to her. Jamie is a wonderful person, but she won't listen to me. -- WITS' END IN THE WEST

DEAR "END": While I admire your girlfriend's optimism, I agree her naivete is dangerous. So far she has been lucky -- but any one of the incidents you described could have ended badly.

A picture is worth a thousand words. Because you have been unable to convince her verbally, consider showing her photographs of what has happened to some of the individuals who became victims because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, or because they trusted a stranger. If that doesn't wake her up, nothing will.

DEAR ABBY: I have wanted to convert to Judaism ever since I was 16. (I am now 19.) I was raised as a Christian by non-religious parents. But when I announced that I wanted to convert, they had a fit.

I now realize that I would like to go further than conversion, Abby. I would like to become a rabbi. When I told my parents, they became so upset they ordered me to see a psychologist. It was hurtful enough that they didn't accept my conversion -- and now this. What should I do? -- DEPRESSED IN ASHEBORO, N.C.

DEAR DEPRESSED: Discuss this with your rabbi, who I am sure will be sympathetic and supportive, and by all means talk with a psychologist. A mental health professional may be able to help you find a way to make your parents understand that this is YOUR life and future, and not a criticism of them or the way they raised you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a question regarding table manners. He says that when you are eating with your right hand, your left arm should be resting on the table fully extended.

I say your left hand should be in your lap. Who is right? -- WONDERING IN WINDSOR, CALIF.

DEAR WONDERING: You are. According to Emily Post's Etiquette (16th Edition): "You may rest your hands and wrists -- but not your entire forearm -- on the edge of the table."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am in a committed 10-year marriage with "Cathy," a woman I love dearly. My problem is, Cathy doesn't trust me. Her ex-husband cheated on her, her father cheated on her mother, and I feel like I'm paying for their sins.

I play in a band that has "gigs" in bars once a month. I also like to go for a beer with the fellas after work a couple of times a month. (I work days in a manufacturing plant.) Whenever I play with the band and Cathy is present, I constantly have to watch that I don't talk to any women in her presence.

The place I work has 1,200 employees. Many of them come to see our band to show their support. (The majority of our employees are female.) Cathy considers it disrespectful to her that they come to hear us, and she acts as if she's in constant fear that I might stray, despite my reassurances that I'm totally committed to her.

What can I do? I feel like I'm beating a dead horse. -- DESPERATE TO UNDERSTAND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DESPERATE: There is nothing you can do because the problem isn't yours; it's your wife's. Until you came into her life, her two most significant male relationships were with men who were unfaithful. The fact that the male role model -- her father -- was a cheater set up her expectations for how "all" men behave.

If you haven't already done so, I urge you to have a serious talk with your wife about how her suspicions make you feel. It is unrealistic to expect you to spend the rest of your life wearing blinders and talking only to men. If she's smart, she'll talk to a counselor about this, because suspicion and accusations that an innocent spouse is cheating can destroy a marriage as surely as infidelity can.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25, single and hard-working. I am also pregnant. The father, "Zack," is married and expecting his first child in August. I'm due in October.

I met Zack at a bar. I wasn't looking for a serious relationship, just a fun evening. Zack seemed like a nice guy. He never said he was involved with anyone, let alone married, and he wasn't wearing a ring. Well, our night of passion has now led to a lifetime of concern.

Zack doesn't want me to "ruin his marriage," and I don't want to be called a homewrecker. I initially didn't want him involved at all, but reality has set in and I will need his financial help.

Once my baby is born, Zack will be taking a blood test to establish paternity. My family knows nothing about all this, but it's hard to hide. It will be even harder once the court comes into play regarding child support.

How should I break it to them? Should I be ashamed? I don't think so, because I didn't know Zack was married -- so why is he burdening me with the guilt of ruining his marriage? -- MOTHER-TO-BE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MOTHER-TO-BE: Tell your family in plain English about what's going on, because you are going to need their emotional support in the months to come. Clearly, you will get none from Zack because he will have his hands full explaining this child to his wife.

Should you be ashamed? Unless you consider having unprotected sex with a stranger you met at a bar one of your prouder moments, I think you should.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My 10-year-old daughter, "Teddi," is extremely accident-prone and has been since she started walking. It has become a family joke that Teddi can trip over air. She has fallen down stairs, tripped over a crack in the sidewalk, breaking her foot, and most recently, stepped on a rake and knocked out a tooth.

How do I deal with her teachers and friends' parents who look at me like I'm an abusive mother? My daughter always seems to have a bruise or cut somewhere. I have received my share of phone calls from concerned teachers, and each time I explain that Teddi is very accident-prone.

I love Teddi and have taken every precaution I can to help her have fewer accidents, short of putting her in a bubble to protect her from herself. She has perfect vision and no balance issues. Please advise me. -- TIRED OF ACCUSATIONS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR TIRED: Schedule your daughter for a complete physical and neurological checkup. If the doctors find nothing wrong, then it's time to take your daughter to a psychologist to find out what might be causing her problem. You should have done so as soon as you began getting calls from her teachers.

DEAR ABBY: My husband tells me my job as a wife is to obey him and be subservient. For the most part, I am. Dinner is always on the table, the house is clean, the bills are paid, etc. All he has to do is go to work and take the trash out on Sundays. I do everything else.

If I disagree with anything he says, I'm told that I'm being a bad wife and mother for not obeying him. I am not allowed to work outside the home, although I have a nursing degree. He says marriage is a contract and that love doesn't factor into it. He has told me that he doesn't love me or even like me. He is emotionally and verbally abusive.

I worry that ending the marriage will hurt the children, but I also worry that continuing this unloving relationship will hurt them even more. I don't want them to grow up not knowing what a loving relationship between a husband and wife is like, or thinking that they can't stand up for themselves or what they believe in. But I'm afraid that divorce would cause them even more damage. What's your unbiased advice? -- BETWIXT AND BETWEEN IN PA.

DEAR BETWIXT: When your husband married you, he promised to love, honor and cherish you. If marriage is a contract, then he broke the agreement long ago. My advice is to consult a lawyer and don't look back. Children raised in the kind of atmosphere you have described have far more problems than do children of divorce.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column you wrote, "To paraphrase a quote I heard many years ago, 'We have seen the enemy, and it is us.'" It might interest you to know it was a dialogue from a classic Pogo cartoon.

Give credit where credit is due. The credit belongs to Walt Kelly. -- DAVE WAGNER, EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR DAVE: Bless you for sending a copy of the cartoon, which depicts Pogo talking to another creature as they survey a creek filled with old tires, broken bottles, plastic cups, etc. When his companion comments, "It is hard walking on this stuff," Pogo responds, "Yep, son, we have met the enemy and he is us." How right he was!

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)