DEAR ABBY: My neighbors, whom I don't know well, are flying an American flag that is literally in shreds. You can no longer tell that it has red stripes because it is all a faded pink color. This upsets me greatly because I feel it is disrespectful to our country and inconsiderate to veterans.

Is there anyone I could contact about this to see that it is taken care of? -- PEEVED PATRIOT IN MARYLAND

DEAR PEEVED PATRIOT: Yes, your neighbor. According to the American Legion Flag Etiquette brochure, when a flag is damaged or faded it should be retired and replaced. According to the brochure, "When a flag has served its useful purpose it should be destroyed -- preferably by burning." Many American Legion posts conduct Disposal of Unserviceable Flag ceremonies every year, a dignified and solemn way of disposing of flags that are too worn to be displayed. Some local Boy Scout troops also provide this service as part of their training.

Before approaching your neighbor, contact your local branch of the American Legion -- or visit the Web site www.legion.org -- for more useful information about proper display of, and respect for, the American flag.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old woman on the brink. I have toyed with the idea of becoming a nun for the last few years because of my horrible luck with love and men. I have never had a significant other. I was sexually abused as a small child, was never allowed to date in high school, and was too intimidated and busy in college to date. I always thought that having a boyfriend was a rite of passage that I was somehow excluded from because I'm not good enough.

I waited until a year after college graduation to lose my virginity, feeling very superior because I had waited until adulthood. Well, I made one mistake, contracted an STD, and now I feel dirty and stupid. I had unprotected sex with a stranger just once, and now my life feels like it's going down the drain in a fast, hard spiral.

I feel my only hope would be to move into a convent and pursue becoming a nun. Abby, please help me. I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. -- LOST AND HOPELESS IN LEXINGTON

DEAR LOST AND HOPELESS: Feeling dirty, stupid, sick and tired are not indications of a religious calling. However, they can be classic signs of depression. Far be it from me to discourage you from entering a convent if you wish; however, you would be doing yourself and the church a huge favor to resolve some of your personal issues before you do. The stronger you are, the more you will have to offer the religious community, and it appears you have some healing to do.

Your first step should be to talk to your doctor about what you have told me. With counseling and medication you will start to feel better about yourself and resolve the issues that have brought you to this point. Only then should you decide where to direct your future.

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DEAR ABBY: As far back as I can remember, my family has been in turmoil over spousal abuse, bitter sibling rivalries, and worse. Not surprisingly, I entered into a relationship with an abuser. My father's advice: "Go back, take your beating, and give that baby a home!"

Years later, after issues of childhood sexual abuse came up, I made a near total break. I have spent years in therapy, learning to protect myself and my child.

My family worships the god of respectability and public appearances. Despite years of spousal abuse, my mother has supported my father completely.

When Dad was near death, I made a final visit with my 7-year-old daughter and a support person. Abby, as my daughter played her violin for "Grandpa," he exposed himself to her. I attended his funeral for my mother's sake -- another mistake. My daughter was snubbed by her cousins and I was verbally attacked by an aunt.

In recent years, I limited our contact with my family. Mother's health is now failing, and she's in severe pain. I wish her no more suffering, but the situation hasn't changed. Do you think I should attend her funeral, or mourn privately for her passing? -- WANTS TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT

DEAR WANTS: Do what is right for you and your daughter, and discuss the ramifications of attending your mother's funeral with your therapist. Funerals sometimes bring out the worst in people, and from your description of them, your family could serve as poster models for dysfunction. If you feel the need to pay your respects, as far as I'm concerned, you and your daughter can visit her grave the following day. I see no reason to set yourself up for any further demonstrations of hostility.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior in high school, the oldest of three children. My 14-year-old brother, "Adam," is causing our whole family grief. My parents can no longer control him and they're lost as to what to do. Although Adam is still in junior high, he stays out until nearly midnight almost every night.

Dad and Mom commute two hours to work five days a week. They're physically and emotionally tired from worrying and waiting for him every night. Adam threatens to hurt us physically because he's the strongest person in the family. He won't listen to any of us and becomes furious if we ask where he spent the day. I'm writing this on behalf of my parents, because it hurts me to see the pain my brother is causing them. -- WORRIED SISTER IN SAN JOSE

DEAR WORRIED SISTER: Your brother's behavior is a cry for help. It's essential that your parents stop ignoring it and assert themselves. Most cities have a curfew for youth, and your brother may be breaking the law.

Your parents need to find out whether his problem is anger, drugs, hanging with the wrong crowd, emotional problems, etc. One of them may have to cut back on working/commuting for a while to assure that he can get counseling and supervision.

Under no circumstances should intimidation or violence be tolerated. Please tell your parents to consult their doctor for referral to a mental health professional for your brother, and possible family counseling for all of you.

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DEAR ABBY: One of my close friends, "Darci," is afraid that she might be pregnant. Darci is only 15. She has been going out with "Neil" for about seven months. She lost her virginity to him two months ago. Neil is a sweet and caring person, but in no position to be a father. I don't hang out with Darci outside of school, but she confides everything to me. She told me that last weekend she came close to committing suicide and Neil had to talk her out of it.

Abby, a friend of mine took her own life last spring, and I'm really frightened. I'm tempted to buy a home pregnancy test for Darci, but she seems to be hoping her problem will just go away. Last Sunday she was getting high to forget about her problems. I am afraid for her life and her future.

Please give me some advice. I want to help her. Darci's parents, therapist and boyfriend know about her suicidal thoughts (and past tendencies), but as far as I know, only Neil and I know about the potential "bundle of joy." All I want is for her to be safe and happy. I'm lost about what to do. -- SCARED OF THE RESULTS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SCARED: The first thing to do is to help the girl find out whether she's pregnant. If she is, then her parents and her therapist should be told what's going on to ensure that she doesn't harm herself. If, by some miracle, she's not pregnant, you should make sure she goes to Planned Parenthood and learns about responsible behavior and birth control so this doesn't happen again.

P.S. You mentioned that this troubled girl's parents and therapist know about her suicidal thoughts. They should be notified that her boyfriend had to talk her out of hurting herself only last weekend.

DEAR ABBY: Two months ago, my husband's 77-year-old aunt, "Maude," moved in with us after the loss of her husband of 20 years. She is in great health, energetic, a sweet, loving and giving woman. Maude is a little on the nervous side, though, and I'm constantly having to remind her that we love her and we want her here. She helps a little around the house, as she can. My 4-year-old son loves her.

What can I do to assure her that she's safe here, that we love her and want her here? Maude's hearing isn't so good, and I'm constantly being misunderstood and having to repeat myself with every conversation. How can I help her to feel at peace? -- LOVING NIECE IN ARIZONA

DEAR LOVING: The first thing you should do is make an appointment to have Aunt Maude's hearing checked, and find out if hearing aids can improve your level of communication with her. Once that's done, try to find ways to utilize her expertise. That's the best way I know to make someone feel useful and important.

DEAR ABBY: In your column on June 4, "In Love Again" wrote: "My pastors are also angry with me. I tried telling them how I feel; they don't listen."

In your reply to him you wrote, "You may be misjudging your friends and your pastors ..."

Abby, I urge him to take the advice given by the late Sen. Hugh Scott of Pennsylvania in "How to Go Into Politics": "Never get into an argument with a preacher or a newspaper; the preacher always calls on heaven as witness that he is right, and the newspaper always has the last word with its readers." -- ARTHUR H. PRINCE, MEMPHIS, TENN.

DEAR ARTHUR: And that, I suspect, is reason that blogs were invented. Blogs are virtual megaphones to the world.

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