DEAR ABBY: I married the love of my life, "Simon," a year ago. At the time, I was five months' pregnant. While Simon and I stood taking our vows at the altar, his mother, "Bernice," felt the need to stand up and announce that the only reason we were being married was because I was pregnant -- and that I'd done it on purpose to tie him down. I was devastated hearing this at my wedding, and I let Simon know it. I tried to forgive her.

A few months later, Bernice arrived at the hospital as I was giving birth. Again, she started in on how I got pregnant on purpose to tie her son down and began telling everyone in my family how horrible I was. Again, I tried to forgive her.

The final straw came when plans were being made to celebrate Simon's college graduation. Bernice made dinner reservations for everyone in the family and excluded my son and me. I told Simon how hurt I was. His response, "I can't control my mother."

Abby, I was so fed up with having to swallow her abuse with no support from my husband that I kicked him out. I desperately wish he would confront his mother about her abusive behavior, but he's scared of her. I have tried talking to her about it, but when I do she just gets worse. I want to save my marriage, but I don't want Bernice around me or my son anymore. What should I do? -- HAD ENOUGH IN GRAPEVINE, TEXAS

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: Whether or not your marriage is salvageable is up to your husband. You married a man with an impossible, domineering and hostile mother. Forget that it takes "two to tango." Because Simon hasn't accepted his own responsibility in the conception of this child, he has allowed his mother to portray you as the tramp who tricked him into fatherhood. There is nothing you can do. It's up to Simon to deal with his mother. Unless he's willing to confront the problem, get marriage counseling with you and ACT on it, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old stay-at-home mom with three kids. Two are my fiance "Sean's"; the littlest is ours together. Sean and I have been together almost seven years.

I need help. I am a very depressed person and have been for many years. I shop excessively and spend way too much -- sometimes all of our money -- and I don't know how to stop. Shopping makes me feel happy, and when I'm depressed (which is often), I go out shopping for stuff I don't even need. I have even started shopping online for stuff. I feel horrible about this. Sean and I have tried separate bank accounts, but when I'd run low I would just tap right into his. Please help me. I don't know what to do. -- SPEND-A-HOLIC IN VENTURA, CALIF.

DEAR SPEND-A-HOLIC: It is time to stop and take inventory of what you have and what you don't. You are substituting "things" for something important that's missing in your life. (Could it be a wedding ring?) Trying to self-medicate long-term depression by going on a spending spree is putting a Band-Aid on an infected wound.

Please contact your physician for a referral to a doctor who can give you medication to lift the depression, as well as counseling for your underlying problem. It's the only way to fix what's ailing you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Gene," and I met a week before my 13th birthday. Gene had always been a poor student and preferred a job making money to learning. (He never learned to read past a kindergarten level; therefore he doesn't write well.)

We moved into our own home in 1999. We both wanted children, and our daughter was born in 2001. Our relationship was great -- until we had someone else to care for. Because Gene was brought up old-fashioned, he decided I was to stay at home and care for the house and kids while he worked and provided for us.

Things got physical not long after our daughter arrived. We'd argue and I'd try to leave, only to result in my being choked. Or he'd throw me against a wall to prevent me from calling 911. One time, he broke my nose. He was never violent toward the children -- I had a son in 2004 -- only toward me because of them. He said I never did things right or I took up for them.

I left for good six weeks ago. I have left many times before, but went back because of dependency. This time I have a lot of support, plus I'm enlisting in the Air Force. My father served in the military for 21 years, and is quitting his truck-driving job to care for my children while I attend basic training and tech school. Gene knows I'm not coming back this time. We're on speaking terms only because of the children.

Abby, I find myself wondering if, after my six years in the service, I should try to reconcile with Gene. On some level, I know it wouldn't work and it's wrong to even think about going back to that life after being given a chance for a better one. But then, I picture Gene with us in that better life. Would it be a slap in the face if, in the end, Gene and I worked out our differences and forgot about the past? -- NEEDS ANSWERS IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR NEEDS ANSWERS: It could be a slap in the face; it could also be a broken jaw, another broken bone -- the possibilities are endless. Although your husband "wasn't violent toward the children," by failing to control his rage he EXPOSED them to violence. Nowhere in your letter did you mention that he has any desire to change. Because your 4-year-old daughter knows no different, she thinks her daddy's behavior is normal. It is urgent that she learn it is NOT normal, and it's your job to teach her that lesson by example.

You are making positive strides in the right direction. My advice is to keep marching forward and don't look back.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I plan to be married next winter. Our church holds 700 people, while the reception hall holds only 200. We would love to invite lots of people to the ceremony -- co-workers, acquaintances, etc. -- but have the reception only for out-of-town guests, close friends and family due to the limited space.

Is there a proper way to exclude people from the reception? I don't want to insult anyone. -- WEDDING BELLE IN FLORIDA

DEAR WEDDING BELLE: In a word, no. To invite 700 guests to a wedding and exclude 500 of them from the reception would be insulting and a social gaffe that would take you years to live down. Either limit your wedding to 200 guests or find a larger place to hold your reception.

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DEAR ABBY: I am 24 years old and two months away from moving in with the man I love. We're moving into a house he purchased but cannot afford without me. I love him and cannot imagine my life without him. We fit each other perfectly in every respect except one: I want children and he doesn't.

Whenever I bring up the subject, he becomes agitated and argues that he hasn't made up his mind about it, but is "leaning toward no."

I'm left wondering if I should take this huge step when I know if he doesn't want kids, I will have to leave. Should I force him into telling me once and for all what the deal is, or wait to see if maturity changes his mind (as my peers have urged me to do)? Won't it be harder to leave after I move in? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN NEW YORK

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: It not only will be harder to leave once you move in, it will also be harder to leave after you have invested more time in the relationship. What if maturity doesn't change his mind? You may love him, but you would be making a huge mistake to move in with him while this question remains unresolved. I recommend premarital counseling before you make up your mind about this man.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who has decided to be married 2,000 miles away from home -- as well as the home of 90 percent of her guests. I am the only single person among the bride's group of friends, and I have been told I will not be invited with a date.

I tried to talk to her about this privately, explaining that I will feel uncomfortable being the only one without a date among six or seven couples. I also told her the expense would be too much for me to bear alone. Her response? "You never know; you could be in a serious relationship or engaged by the time I send out the invitations. Then you'd be invited with a date."

Is it appropriate to invite out-of-towners to a wedding without a guest? How do I respond without looking jealous, petty or rude? -- SINGLED OUT IN CHICAGO

DEAR SINGLED OUT: Many brides limit their guest list because of financial constraints; however, in this case lack of money seems to be less her problem than glaring lack of sensitivity. Handle the problem by citing the reasons you have given me, and decline the invitation "because the expense would be too much to bear alone."

DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I enjoy having friends over and entertaining. Both of us tend to be "early-to-bed and early-to-rise." Our problem is, when we have friends over, they often don't want to go home. By 11 p.m., both of us are starting to fall asleep. They don't seem to get the message. How does one let their guests know the party is over? -- SLEEPY IN NEW YORK

DEAR SLEEPY: There are two ways to accomplish it. The first is to invite your guests over for a specific period of time, for example: dinner from 7 to 10. Or, when you or your spouse grows tired, stand up and say, "Well, it was wonderful of you good people to come, but it's time to call it a night." Give it a try; it works.

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