DEAR ABBY: I am 24 years old and two months away from moving in with the man I love. We're moving into a house he purchased but cannot afford without me. I love him and cannot imagine my life without him. We fit each other perfectly in every respect except one: I want children and he doesn't.

Whenever I bring up the subject, he becomes agitated and argues that he hasn't made up his mind about it, but is "leaning toward no."

I'm left wondering if I should take this huge step when I know if he doesn't want kids, I will have to leave. Should I force him into telling me once and for all what the deal is, or wait to see if maturity changes his mind (as my peers have urged me to do)? Won't it be harder to leave after I move in? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN NEW YORK

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: It not only will be harder to leave once you move in, it will also be harder to leave after you have invested more time in the relationship. What if maturity doesn't change his mind? You may love him, but you would be making a huge mistake to move in with him while this question remains unresolved. I recommend premarital counseling before you make up your mind about this man.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who has decided to be married 2,000 miles away from home -- as well as the home of 90 percent of her guests. I am the only single person among the bride's group of friends, and I have been told I will not be invited with a date.

I tried to talk to her about this privately, explaining that I will feel uncomfortable being the only one without a date among six or seven couples. I also told her the expense would be too much for me to bear alone. Her response? "You never know; you could be in a serious relationship or engaged by the time I send out the invitations. Then you'd be invited with a date."

Is it appropriate to invite out-of-towners to a wedding without a guest? How do I respond without looking jealous, petty or rude? -- SINGLED OUT IN CHICAGO

DEAR SINGLED OUT: Many brides limit their guest list because of financial constraints; however, in this case lack of money seems to be less her problem than glaring lack of sensitivity. Handle the problem by citing the reasons you have given me, and decline the invitation "because the expense would be too much to bear alone."

DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I enjoy having friends over and entertaining. Both of us tend to be "early-to-bed and early-to-rise." Our problem is, when we have friends over, they often don't want to go home. By 11 p.m., both of us are starting to fall asleep. They don't seem to get the message. How does one let their guests know the party is over? -- SLEEPY IN NEW YORK

DEAR SLEEPY: There are two ways to accomplish it. The first is to invite your guests over for a specific period of time, for example: dinner from 7 to 10. Or, when you or your spouse grows tired, stand up and say, "Well, it was wonderful of you good people to come, but it's time to call it a night." Give it a try; it works.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Paula in Tucson" wrote that she's short, under 5 feet tall, and plans to build her dream home with cabinets customized to suit her height. However, her mother is vehemently against it. You suggested the mother might be worried that her home would be so uniquely customized it could adversely affect the resale value, and that she consider having the shelves and cabinets made adjustable as is sometimes done for people with disabilities.

Please tell that woman to stick to her guns. I have a friend who did exactly what Paula wants to do. Several years later she had to move because her husband was transferred. They decided to place an ad in the Sunday paper for an "Open House for Short People." On Sunday morning they were shocked to find cars lined up on both sides of their street and prospective buyers fighting about who was there first.

They sold the house that same day to the highest bidder. There are many short people in this world who find most houses uncomfortable to live in. -- FRIEND OF A SHORT PERSON IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRIEND: Your message was repeated by several architects who were kind enough to write. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have been a practicing architect for 40 years, and I've built facilities and homes to ADA (Americans With Disabilities Act) standards.

A lot of people build their dream house later in life. A house built with stock cabinets 6 inches lower, sit-down counters, 36-inch doors and other design features that could later be wheelchair-accessible will allow enjoyment of their dream home for 15 or 20 years longer than otherwise, should the person later become disabled.

Further, such a house would bring a premium price on the resale market. In fact, I'm sure Paula's mother would someday in the future, as age takes its toll, be extremely happy to visit such a house. -- ARCHITECT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ARCHITECT: Thank you for sharing your expertise.

DEAR ABBY: Paula is building her dream home at 43. This could be her FRP (final resting place). It should be designed to suit her needs. Forget about the resale value. In 20 or more years, when someone buys it, it will be time to install a new kitchen, and the new owners can have standard-height cabinets and countertops put in during the remodeling.

As an architectural designer, I cannot tell you how many people are preoccupied with the resale value of their homes, when, in fact, they're never going to move! Of course, if there were something totally off the wall or out of the norm, that should be taken into consideration. But the most important message here is, design and build for your own needs, not those of some fictional future buyer. -- HEATHER IN WORCESTER, MASS.

DEAR HEATHER: I concede your point.

DEAR ABBY: Paula's mother needs a large slice of MYOB, pronto! That woman is a meddler who should stop trying to run her adult daughter's life. If Paula is paying for the house, by golly, she should have it exactly the way she wants it. That mother sounds just plain jealous to me. -- HEATED IN HOUSTON

DEAR HEATED: It's interesting how we read things through the filter of our own experience. I thought the mother was being motherly.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Tim," and I were having dinner at a bar and grill one night last week when some of my male co-workers walked in. We exchanged greetings and I introduced them to Tim.

A short while later, one of them approached us and said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but the guys and I were taking a survey, and we'd like to know what size bra you wear."

Tim and I were dumbfounded at the crude remark. I told him to tell the guys it was none of their business, and he went away. On our way out, Tim made it clear that we were not happy with their rudeness, but only one of them had the courtesy to offer an apology for the remark.

I work with these men every day. We always had a good rapport. There was never any disrespect prior to this. I have seen these men every day and had work-related discussions with them. Two of them have made reference to the incident, but neither has apologized.

I discussed the incident with a female co-worker who is in a supervisory position over these men. She was livid and recommended I report it as sexual harassment. However, their actions have made things here at work very uncomfortable for me. I'm afraid if I make it a workplace issue it could be detrimental.

Should I let this go away on its own, or confront the people involved? I usually avoid socializing with co-workers where alcohol is served for this very reason. -- HURT AND OFFENDED IN DAYTON

DEAR HURT AND OFFENDED: You have nothing to gain by confronting the men who harassed you. As to the matter "going away on its own," as long as your harassers continue to allude to the incident without apology, the matter will not die. I'm casting my vote with the co-worker who advised you to report the incident. If your company does not have clearly written sexual harassment policies, then it's behind the times.

DEAR ABBY: Last April, my nephew, "Frank," a first lieutenant in the Army, was on the third day of a road trip from Fort Campbell, Ky., to Seattle to deliver his pickup truck to his parents' home for storage during his second tour of duty in Iraq. He was on I-80 near Cheyenne, Wyo., in a snowstorm when his truck skidded on an icy patch, collided with a big rig, rolled over multiple times and landed off the roadway in the snow. Frank had multiple deep lacerations to his head, legs and feet, crushed bones in one foot and back, and neck injuries.

Several passers-by stopped to help. One was a nurse who held his neck straight until the paramedics arrived, and a trucker couple who called Frank's parents. However, while these good Samaritans were helping him, another group was going through Frank's things and stealing whatever they wanted. These scavengers took his cell phone, digital camera, Army helmet, wallet with military ID, the truck radio -- even his keys. The tow truck driver finally shooed them away.

I have never considered myself naive. I have lived on I-80 for 20 years and never heard of this happening. Abby, those people actually stole the military ID off a bleeding soldier. Is this as shocking to you as it is to us? -- APPALLED IN ROSEVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR APPALLED: Shocking and deplorable, yes. Unheard of, no. To paraphrase a quote I heard many years ago, "We have seen the enemy, and it is us."

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