DEAR ABBY: I just finished the letter from "Saturated in Atlanta," whose in-laws allow their dog, "Liebchen" (who, believe me, is NOT "darling," according to his description), to mark his territory in her house, causing damage in several places. Not only is this disgraceful, as you pointed out, but it's also illegal. The courts call it "failure to control your dog." "Saturated" may want to consider legal action. -- NEW HAMPSHIRE READER

DEAR READER: Hold your horses. Their familial relationship is supposed to last, one would hope, long after Liebchen has trotted off to doggie heaven. I would advise legal action only if there were no other alternative. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I don't get it. Did the in-laws allow their son to "wet" wherever he wanted when he was growing up? I doubt it. Then why should their dog be any different? I suggest that "Saturated" make reservations at a dog-friendly hotel for her husband's parents and let him pay for it. It may be the wake-up call they all need. -- MOTHER-IN-LAW IN HOUSTON

DEAR MOTHER-IN-LAW: That might be a workable solution. However, some other readers offered ideas that are more pet-friendly.

DEAR ABBY: As a dog trainer and former veterinary assistant, my first question to "Saturated" would have been, Is Liebchen neutered? If not, it would explain a lot. While male dogs do mark their territory sometimes after being neutered, it's far more common for them to do so when they're intact. Although "Saturated" and her mother-in-law may not know it, neutering can help. Their veterinarian can instruct the in-laws about other medical advantages to neutering, such as a reduced risk of prostate cancer and eliminating the risk of testicular cancer. -- SPAY 'EM AND TRAIN 'EM IN LA.

DEAR LOUISIANA: Good point. Thank you for the reminder about pet neutering. Not only does it curb behavior problems, as you pointed out, but it also has health benefits.

DEAR ABBY: A solution that might cause less of an uproar with the in-laws would be to offer "Doggy Depends." Male dogs that insist on marking their territory can wear a belly band with appropriate material tucked inside. They are easy to make, and also available for purchase in most doggy boutiques. (Some folks just take an old athletic sock, wrap it around the dog's middle and pin it at the top.) The belly band, although not a perfect solution for the behavior, can at least minimize damage to property -- in addition to lessening the chances of a family feud over the dog. -- DESS IN DUNCANVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR DESS: "Doggie Depends"? I love it!

DEAR ABBY: I have the perfect solution to protect that woman's furniture. The next time her mother-in-law comes over, she should be prepared with baby Pampers and duct tape. The size of the Pampers depends on the size of the dog. Wrap the Pampers around the dog just in front of his hind legs, and fasten over the back with duct tape. If the mother-in-law doesn't like it, she should be told her daughter-in-law can't afford to have her furniture professionally cleaned every time Liebchen comes to her home. Try it. It worked for me. Good luck! -- CHRISTINA IN GREAT FALLS, MONT.

DEAR CHRISTINA: Thank you for the suggestion. It's worth a try, and if it works, it'll keep Liebchen and his owners out of the doghouse.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a freshman in college, and I have been having an awful year. My family situation is extremely unstable, and I'm always afraid I'm going to be left alone.

I have a great boyfriend, but I don't want to rely on him for money or a place to stay, even though I know he would support me if I needed it.

I have to maintain a very high GPA to keep my scholarship and continue school. I work as much as I can; however, I can't support myself. I have always been an excellent student (I graduated in the top five of my class), but I feel like nothing in my life is in my control. I work hard and study all day and have no time to myself. I'm afraid I'm always going to be a burden to everyone close to me. Please help. -- STRESSED TO THE MAX IN NEW YORK

DEAR STRESSED: By studying hard and making your grades your highest priority, you ARE doing everything you should be doing right now. Regardless of what happens with your parents' marriage, I'm sure they both want what's best for you.

Before your grades become affected by your worrying, pay a visit to the student health center and ask to speak with a psychologist. Some sessions there will help you realize that your current situation is only temporary, and it won't be long before you achieve the independence you crave.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 31-year-old woman who broke off a 2 1/2-year relationship with a man I love, but who wouldn't commit to marriage. (I'll call him Paul.) We never lived together.

Paul and I started talking again about two months ago, and he seemed to know more about me and what I was doing than I expected. After a few weeks of chatting, I finally figured out that Paul had been listening to my private answering machine messages. He must have obtained the code when I checked my messages from his home while we were dating.

All my friends are saying I'm crazy to continue talking to him and seeing him, knowing he violated my privacy. I don't know what to do. I still have feelings for him. What's your take on this? -- CONFUSED IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR CONFUSED: Frankly, what Paul did was not only a violation of your privacy, it is also a little creepy. If you haven't already done so, change the pass code on your answering machine.

This man appears not only to be commitment-phobic, but also to have trust issues and a serious lack of respect for boundaries. Do not plan a future with him without extensive premarital counseling. What he did raises a red flag.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have recently separated. It has been five days. I'm OK with the fact of us being apart. We were definitely not meant to be together.

What's tearing me up is the fact that he's dating already. Should I start? What can I do to clear my head? -- CONFUSED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR CONFUSED: A divorce isn't like a hangover. "Hair of the dog" won't make the ache go away. Because your about-to-be-ex is dating doesn't mean that you should be. In fact, I recommend against it for the time being. Socialize with female friends, join a gym, volunteer if you have some extra time on your hands, and consult a lawyer. But do not start dating again until you are separated emotionally from the man you married -- and that may take months, not days.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a reference librarian at a large academic library. While I share some of "Marian the Librarian's" concerns, I couldn't help but notice that her pointers for library etiquette were comprised almost entirely of "don'ts." I am afraid her diatribe against library patrons may cause some of them not to use the library at all, for fear of committing a faux pas and incurring a librarian's wrath.

How much better it would have been had she compiled a list of library "do's" instead of library "don'ts." Example:

-- Do teach your children to use and appreciate the library.

-- Do check your library's policy on food, drink and cell phones. (Many allow drinks in covered containers, and cell phones set to silent mode or in specific areas.)

-- Do enlist the help of the reference librarian. You might be surprised what we can find for you in a short amount of time.

-- Do use your trip to the library as a learning experience. We have a saying, "Find the book for a man, and he'll have the information for only a day. Teach him to search the catalog, and he'll have information for a lifetime."

Although, like "Marian," I'm tired of the poor etiquette I see in my library, I'm equally tired of the pervasive public image of librarians as cranky, uptight and "shushing." As a librarian, my job is to help and educate patrons. "Marian's" letter made it seem as if librarians are the behavior police. -- ANTI-SHUSHER IN MIAMI

DEAR ANTI-SHUSHER: Your point about casting the message in positive, rather than negative, language is well taken. And I agree that librarians have been wrongly stereotyped. However, if librarians are forced into the position of acting like "library police," it is because their patrons are acting in a way that is destructive or disruptive. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I wish I could nail a copy of that letter to every flat surface of our library in the hope that our patrons might read it and get a clue. It has come to my attention that some librarians are unhappy that "Marian" chose to air her grievances in a forum as public as your column -- and some have even called for a letter-writing campaign to criticize Marian for telling the truth. I say, more power to her! -- NEW JERSEY LIBRARIAN

DEAR NEW JERSEY: Thanks for the warning. The following is a letter that expresses, I suspect, their real concern.

DEAR ABBY: I haven't seen such a vitriolic diatribe since librarians were told to stop pointing and get up off their "duffs" and go find the book for the customer! While libraries are free, taxpayers are the ones who support us, and if we have professionals in the field such as "Marian," we have only ourselves to admonish when our tax dollars are reduced and our libraries are closed. -- SOUTH BEND, IND., LIBRARIAN

DEAR SOUTH BEND: If libraries are closing because of lack of support or patronage, it may be because people do more and more research online at home than because librarians are overzealous in enforcing rules of common courtesy. To quote a librarian from Beverly Hills, Calif.:

"There is now a dwindling number of librarians due to retirement, downsizing, burnout and very low pay compared to other professions. That, coupled with a society that is becoming increasingly uncivil and underappreciative of a truly altruistic profession, makes me fear that the library profession is going the way of the dinosaur."

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