DEAR ABBY: I am a female experiencing what one might call "Ugly Duckling Syndrome." I was an awkward child and adolescent, and was teased and rejected by my peers -- especially boys. As I reached adulthood, I "blossomed" into a good-looking young woman -- not exactly a swan, but definitely easier on the eyes than I was.

I get a lot of attention from guys now, but no matter how many people tell me I'm beautiful, I still don't believe it. Inside, I'm still the same plain, unattractive girl I used to be. When people stare at me in public, the first thing I think is they're thinking how ugly I am.

Abby, my negative attitude is pushing people away. People don't really like being around me once they get to know me. (An acquaintance actually said to me, "You're one of the prettiest girls I know, but your attitude is ugly.")

What can I do to enhance my confidence without becoming conceited? -- NOT FEELING PRETTY IN N.J.

DEAR NOT FEELING PRETTY: The problem you have described is not unique. It is sometimes shared by individuals of both sexes who have had plastic surgery that made a considerable difference in their looks. It has less to do with a lack of confidence than with anger at those who failed to notice their inner beauty before.

My advice is to stop obsessing about yourself and concentrate on making the people around you feel better about themselves. Make an effort to be kind to those you encounter, speak well of others, and do something nice for someone else without regard to personal gain every day. If you do that, your insecurities will lessen and you will be a more attractive, less defensive person to be around.

DEAR ABBY: I have read so often about the "other woman." Your advice is always, "If he cheats on his wife, he'll cheat on you." I wish I had listened, but I didn't -- and now I face a lonely future.

For more than 30 years, I was the other woman. I was always faithful to "Hank." I changed my life around to make him happy. I knew he'd never divorce his wife, but I needed Hank in my life. He also cheated on me for 10 years, but then became faithful until three months ago.

Hank's wife died a year ago, and we continued seeing each other. A couple of weeks ago, he announced that he wanted us to be "friends." Hank said I was his special friend, but he could no longer spend every night with me because his children and grandchildren "wouldn't understand."

Last week, I learned that for the past three months, Hank has been seeing another woman. He told her that he sees an old friend "occasionally." Abby, she has been to his house and met his entire family! Hank said if I don't like it, he'll stop seeing me.

I have spent most of my adult life with this man. Now I mean nothing to him. He didn't respect me enough to be honest from the start, and now I'm left with nothing. -- CAN'T STOP CRYING IN TEXAS

DEAR CRYING: Excuse me, but you have not been left with "nothing." You have learned one of life's hard lessons, and you have a future. People recover from worse disappointments than the one you're experiencing. So dry your tears, and if you haven't already done so, salvage some self-respect by telling Hank goodbye. The minute you do, you'll start to feel better about yourself -- and that's the first step in getting your life back on track.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I moved to the United States when I was 19. A month after I arrived, I met an American boy I'll call "Colin." We have been together for five years.

Lately, I have noticed that Colin acts weird. He will only watch boys on TV, and he gets all nervous when my gay friend visits me. One day, I asked my gay friend if he had noticed anything. My friend told me that when I left the room, he got the impression that my boyfriend was hitting on him.

The other day I was making the bed and found a gay porn magazine under Colin's side of the mattress. I also found a phone number in his pants pocket. I called the number and a guy answered.

Colin and I are supposed to be married in three months. What should I do? Should I ask him if he's gay? -- NEEDS TO KNOW

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: It is highly unusual for straight men to keep pictures of naked men under their mattress. You have given me three reasons why you suspect he's gay, which indicates that your alarm bells are sounding. By all means address the subject with your boyfriend.

Although your boyfriend may not be gay, he may be bisexual -- and that spells trouble ahead if you marry him. If I were you, I'd put the marriage on hold and listen to my intuition.

DEAR ABBY: I hosted an informal dinner party for some of my friends, and among those I invited was a neighbor who lives on the same floor I do.

When she arrived at my apartment, she had a Dixie cup filled with wine in her hand, and said, "I brought my own cup of wine because I didn't know if any of your guests were 'drinkers.'"

I was shocked to say the least. I always have a supply of wine and liquor in my apartment for myself and any guests I entertain.

I never said a word to her about this because I didn't want to embarrass her. How should I react to this impolite and disturbing situation? -- MIFFED IN MIAMI

DEAR MIFFED: You have described a person who may have an alcohol problem that has nothing to do with etiquette. It was very important for your neighbor to have a drink at your party, whether you served one or not, and that should be the tip-off. Please don't take what happened personally. Your neighbor deserves sympathy, not censure.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is celebrating her golden wedding anniversary. She will be renewing her vows and having a party. She would like all of us sisters included in the ceremony, but she doesn't want to call us bridesmaids or have a maid of honor. Is there something else she could call us? -- STUCK IN STATESVILLE, N.C.

DEAR STUCK: Because your sister is uncomfortable using the titles "maid of honor" and "bridesmaids," she should refer to you as her "attendants."

CONFIDENTIAL TO "LISA" IN LEVITTOWN, PA.: You don't need to prove to your classmates that you're smarter than they are. I'll share with you a lesson my mother taught me: "Any fool can talk. It takes a superior person to listen. The 'art' of conversation lies in listening."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Don," and I have been married for five years. We have two beautiful children, and Don is a terrific father. For the most part, we have a good life together and get along well.

The problem is his sister, "Marsha." Marsha has major boundary issues, and she tries to undermine my role as both mother and wife. Their mother died young, and Marsha took on the role of mother. She still hasn't let go.

When Don and I first began dating, Marsha said some extremely nasty things in an effort to break us up. For example, she said I wasn't his type (right!), that he had been promiscuous in his past (not true), and that I would never know Don as well as she knows him. (She still says it on a regular basis.)

When Don and I have the rare quarrel, he goes running off to Marsha for advice. He also spends time with her on his days off, and they discuss very personal issues in our marriage. Marsha uses this personal information as fodder for gossip and pretends to be our "counselor." Because Don knows it upsets me, he now lies about visiting her or her coming over. I am on the brink of telling him I don't want to see his sister anymore.

Other than our issues with her, our life is wonderful. Any advice regarding a worse-than-mother-in-law sister-in-law? -- SEEING RED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SEEING RED: An effective counselor is someone who is unbiased. A worse-than-mother-in-law should not be assuming the role of "counselor." Because of her dual role in your husband's life, she should (ethically) disqualify herself.

On some level, your husband must realize that when he runs to his sister, she'll automatically take his side. That's neither a fair nor healthy solution to your problems. Some sessions with a professional marriage counselor could help you resolve your differences. It could also lengthen -- if not sever -- his sibling umbilical cord, and I strongly recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I have an ethics question for you.

The other night, my husband and I went to a movie -- something we seldom do. When we got into the theater and looked at our ticket stubs, we realized we'd been charged the senior rate rather than the one for adult admission.

I'm only 51, but I started turning gray in college and don't color my hair. My husband is a couple of years younger (I call him my "boy toy"), but I'm sure we looked "old" to the pink-cheeked high school student selling the tickets.

This has happened to me on a couple of other occasions, and I have said nothing. On the one hand, I feel like we are receiving a benefit under false pretenses. On the other hand, I still recall being 11 and tall for my age, and being required to buy adult tickets from people who didn't believe I wasn't 12.

I would never claim to be a senior to get a discount, because I'm not -- and we did buy popcorn that we might otherwise not have purchased. I think to have said something, especially after the fact, would have embarrassed us all. In your opinion, what's the right thing to do? -- JANET IN PALM SPRINGS

DEAR JANET: The right thing to do is to inquire when you reach the ticket booth how old a person must be to get a senior discount. The age can vary among different establishments -- including restaurants -- and if you don't qualify for the discount, be honest enough to say so.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)