DEAR ABBY: My late husband, "Luke," was born in Arkansas in 1944, a time when unwed mothers, abortion and child adoptions were spoken of only in private, if at all.

Luke died from leukemia 20 years ago. During his treatment, blood samples were taken from his mother and father as possible candidates for a bone marrow transplant. The testing revealed that his parents were not, in fact, his biological ones. In an effort to spare their feelings, Luke asked that neither I nor his siblings say anything to them.

My sons are men now. One of them suffers from paranoid schizophrenia. We would like to know, for both medical and personal reasons, who their biological grandparents are. At the same time, we're concerned about disregarding their father's wishes. Please help us decide what to do. -- STUCK IN NEVADA CITY

DEAR STUCK: I believe that everyone should have full and complete knowledge of his or her medical history. When a child is adopted, that information should be made available to the adoptive parents.

However, because your husband's parents may be unwilling or unable to cooperate, it may ease your mind to know that I took your question to a respected psychoanalyst who informs me that there is no clear-cut evidence that schizophrenia is genetic.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter "Cyndi" is being married this summer. She's in her late 30s and has never been married before. She owns her own home, and both she and her fiance have good jobs.

My husband and I are retired and live on a very modest income. We have very little discretionary money. We will be traveling from out of state for the wedding, and this in itself will be a financial hardship.

Should we be paying for some of the wedding expenses? No one has asked us to contribute, but I wonder if it is expected of us. What is customary in this situation? -- WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING

DEAR WANT: Although it used to be "customary" for the bride's parents to foot the bill for the wedding, with people postponing marriage until their late 20s and into their 30s, that is no longer the case. A wedding is a GIFT from the parents to the bride and groom, not a requirement. Because your daughter and her fiance are self-supporting and independent, they should pay for their wedding. Since attending the wedding is already a hardship for you, no more should be expected of you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl and, like a typical teen, I have some heavy stress in my life. My mom was badly injured in 9/11, and my parents are divorcing. This led me to try to relieve my stress by pulling out my eyebrows. As one could predict, they're now non-existent. I use eyebrow pencil so they look natural, but the hair-pulling has now become a habit.

I have learned to channel my stress through writing, singing and sports -- but I can't seem to stop pulling. I would like my eyebrows to grow back, but I just can't seem to stop. Telling myself to stop doesn't seem to work. Any suggestions? -- PLUCKED IN WOODBRIDGE, VA.

DEAR PLUCKED: The name for your problem is "trichotillomania." You are not the only person who has it; an estimated 1 percent to 2 percent of students either currently have trichotillomania or have a history of hair-pulling.

Because you are unable to stop, explain to your mother what is happening so an appointment can be scheduled for you with a psychologist. Once you understand what triggers your behavior, you'll be able to curb it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a bed-and-breakfast owner. I have a strict two-week cancellation policy for reservations. I have just had a terrible experience with a guest who canceled five days before he was scheduled to arrive. Abby, I have only four guest rooms. When someone cancels on short notice, I am unable to resell the room in time, and I'm out one-quarter of my revenue for that night.

This particular guest had reserved a room for two nights. I told him he was responsible and tried to run the credit card he held the reservation with. It didn't work. (Big surprise!)

I am not out to make people's lives difficult, but if they don't want a reservation at an independent B&B, they shouldn't make one. Please spread the word about how this affects small-business people like me and many others. -- STIFFED IN ST. PAUL

DEAR STIFFED: I'll spread the word as requested, but perhaps you should count your blessings. If the card was no good, how would you have felt after feeding and lodging this boor for two days? In the future, you'd be wise to verify the credit-card number as soon as a reservation is made. It will save you a lot of grief.

DEAR ABBY: I am legally blind and wear sunglasses all the time. I completely understand children asking me why I'm wearing sunglasses, but I feel adults should know better. When a woman walks into a store with sunglasses and a white-tipped cane, isn't that obvious enough? But I am frequently asked smart questions like, "Are you famous or something?" or "Who are you hiding from?"

Please inform your readers that blind people are just like everyone else. We want to go to the store without being asked a thousand questions. -- FED UP IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR FED UP: Most people understand that folks with dark glasses and white-tipped canes are blind. The individuals making those "cute" comments may have challenges of their own -- ignorance or a poor sense of humor.

As I see it, you have several choices in handling the situation. You can ask, "Why do you ask?" You can inform them that you are blind, or ignore them. Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to respond.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime friend, "Bernice," and I attend plays, concerts and book review meetings together. We live in a smallish city. Bernice never left this city and, therefore, she has many old friends, business associates, church colleagues, etc.

I lived in a large city and only recently moved back here. Whenever Bernice and I go to a function of any kind, she knows many people. She will stop and talk to these people, sometimes for as long as 15 minutes, while I stand and wait for her on the sidelines. Sometimes she will introduce me, but then they talk about their churches or business that I know nothing about.

This is the first time in my life I have been treated this way. Lately I have avoided going places with her. How should I handle this? -- LEFT OUT IN LAS CRUCES

DEAR LEFT OUT: If no one has informed Bernice that good manners dictate she introduce you when you go places together, it's time to tell her how uncomfortable you feel when you are excluded from the conversations. And if it continues, ask someone with more social sensitivity to accompany you to these functions.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After six years of marriage and a beautiful daughter, my wife, "Chanelle," demanded a separation. She said she needed time to "find herself." She forgot to mention that she was having an affair with a subordinate at work, "Earl." Eventually, Earl's wife and I found out. Chanelle lost her job, her boyfriend and her self-respect.

Suddenly she wanted me back. I wasn't sure I could live with a woman who had lied and cheated on me.

After a year later, Chanelle became pregnant with our son, who is due in a few months. I'm positive the baby is mine, so we decided for the children's sake to reconcile.

I still can't forgive Chanelle for the affair. She used a string of lies to cover her activities, so I'm having severe trust issues. I was faithful throughout our marriage. While we were separated, I frequently lent her money and ran errands for her. At the time, she told me she hadn't been in love with me since the birth of our daughter. Now I feel used.

During our separation, I made sure our daughter called Chanelle's parents every night. We spent holidays with them while Chanelle worked. Instead of thanking me for it, they insist that I drove their daughter into the arms of another man. To make things worse, my parents refuse to accept Chanelle back into the family.

In all fairness, Chanelle was the last person you'd think would have an affair. She was family-oriented and had conservative values. Earl was the last person you'd imagine she'd choose. He's a chain-smoking, married redneck with a history of infidelity.

Both sets of in-laws are trying to sabotage the marriage, my feelings for my wife have changed, and I now realize I never really knew Chanelle at all. Can this marriage be saved? -- SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR SHAKEN: Absolutely, provided you and your wife make up your minds that you really need each other and are willing to work out your problems in marriage counseling. Both of you have your work cut out for you. You must explore what drove you apart in the first place and fix it. Do not blame your parents for their attitude, or your in-laws for reacting to what they were told during your separation. If you and Chanelle make it clear that nothing will come between you, they'll come to accept it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Chris," a wonderful guy, for nine months. The subject of marriage has come up, and Chris says that when he's married he will not wear a wedding ring because of his job. He is a police officer.

I don't think wearing a wedding ring would in any way put his life at risk. I'm extremely upset about this. Am I making a big deal out of nothing -– or is Chris making excuses out of fear of commitment? -- SUSPICIOUS IN ROCHESTER

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I consulted the Los Angeles Police Department and was told that an officer may wear a wedding band on duty if he or she chooses. However, if the officer is going undercover, it might be in his or her best interest not to wear certain jewelry.

If Chris was the one who raised the subject of marriage, I doubt he has a fear of commitment. It's possible that he simply doesn't like to wear jewelry. Not all married men wear wedding rings, and not all men who wear them are faithful husbands. If I were you, I'd lighten up.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)