DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old man who has been married for 29 years. I was a father at 18, and have been with "Barbara" ever since because I felt obligated to her and the kids. Our children are grown now, and I am still with her.

Frankly, what we have is more like a chore than a marriage. I won't even go into what I think about her family. I wish I could change and try to love her, but it has reached the point where I make excuses not to have sex. Even when Barbara calls me "Honey," it turns my stomach.

My wife is a good person, and I wish I had it in me to say I love her, but it's just not there. I am repelled emotionally and physically.

I am confused and don't want to hurt Barbara, but I can't say the words or go through the motions. I'd like us to be friends, and I'll live with her as long as she wants. We have discussed it, and she says she will never leave me or divorce me. What should I do? I'm ... A MESS IN COOPERSBURG, PA.

DEAR MESS: If you are asking me to give you permission to leave a woman who has given birth to and raised your children, and tried to be a good wife to you, I can't do it. You're already living with her as "friends." It's time to recognize that there will be a high price for what you have in mind, and you must decide if it's worth it. Counseling might help you.

DEAR ABBY: I have lived with my boyfriend for five years. "Brian" is a good man and a decent boyfriend. I get along well with his family and particularly his mom. Brian is sweet, sensitive and, for the most part, very laid-back.

My problem is Brian's temper. Although he has never physically abused me, when he gets angry, he completely loses control. He breaks things like phones, radios, doors and anything else around him. It is terrifying to watch. During those times, saying anything to him only makes it worse. Once I tried going out when it happened, and he broke the phone. After these episodes he's always terribly sorry and feels horrible.

I love him and don't want to leave him, but I'm beginning to question how this is affecting me. Abby, is this abusive behavior, and what can I do to help him regain control of his anger? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN PHILLY

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Pack your bags and leave now. If you don't, your "sweet, sensitive, laid-back" boyfriend's outbursts will escalate until he hurts you -- or the child you could have together if you stay. You cannot help your boyfriend regain control of his anger -- only HE can do that, with professional help. His destructiveness is intended to intimidate you. Please don't tolerate it out of naivete and affection for his family, because without serious help it will only get worse.

P.S. If there is any chance he could lose control when he knows you are going, either do it while he's out or have a male family member with you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a slight tremor in my right hand, which makes my handwriting all but impossible to read. (Sometimes I even have trouble deciphering what I have written!)

When writing personal notes such as thank-yous or condolences, I use a script font on my word processor. I always close with my handwritten signature. Is it necessary to make a brief apology for this social indiscretion? -- PETER IN GRASS VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR PETER: I see no reason to apologize. I'm sure the recipient of your thank-you or condolence is grateful for your acknowledgment, whether it is handwritten or typed.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old daughter sometimes gets scared at night and thinks she hears voices and someone walking near her room. When this happens, my husband will say with complete seriousness, "Perhaps there's an intruder in the house," and then suggest how the intruder may have entered.

The method he suggests is always related to something I have done wrong earlier -- like leaving the back door open too long or forgetting to shut a window.

When I ask him to check the house for intruders (OK, I'm old-fashioned and a scaredy-cat), he says he's too tired and goes to sleep. What's going on here? Is he playing a mind game with my daughter and me, or am I overreacting? -- COWARDLY IN S.F.

DEAR COWARDLY: Your husband's behavior is cruel and unwise. He's encouraging your daughter's fears as a way of punishing you for your forgetfulness. If it continues, your daughter will have phobias that could last a lifetime; it's mental cruelty.

P.S. If there is any question about whether there's an intruder in your house, you should NOT be checking the house alone. The results could be tragic. So the next time the king of your castle pulls that "turning-over-and-going-to-sleep" number, make sure he doesn't reach dreamland.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl. My mom passed away last February. I have a caring and loving father, but at 69, he's a workaholic. This leaves me with school, cleaning, cooking, yard work and taking care of my teenage brothers. Neither of them helps out with anything, and they have no respect for me. If I ask them to do something, they just say I'm not their mom and call me names.

When I tell Dad, he says he'll handle them, but he never does. I'm tired of it! Please help me. I want to run away and never come back. Maybe then they'll think about me. -- DROWNING IN LAWTON, OKLA.

DEAR DROWNING: All of you are grieving right now, and part of your brothers' bad behavior may be that they're angry at having lost their mother. Your father may not realize how unfair the burden is that has been placed on your young shoulders.

Make a list of chores that all of you should share, including your own. Indicate what they are, what days they should be done and who should do them. If your brothers don't do theirs, don't nag. Let them remain undone. That takes the responsibility off your shoulders. You are a good daughter, and you cannot -- nor should you -- do everything. With your mother gone, every one of you is going to have to do his or her fair share.

DEAR ABBY: While shopping at the supermarket yesterday, I noticed a woman removing the coupons from the boxes of plastic bags. I watched her take about 10 of them.

When I walked past her, I told her I thought what she was doing was very rude. She said she was going to use them. Abby, she didn't buy any of the boxes of plastic bags. Should I have found the store manager and said something? -- APPALLED IN VERSAILLES, OHIO

DEAR APPALLED: You should certainly have reported "Ms. Sticky Fingers" to the manager. What the woman was doing was more than rude; it was shoplifting.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been thinking about writing this letter for a long time. I'm the director of a small public library. I love my job and serving our patrons. But you would not believe some of the outrageous behavior that occurs in libraries -- so I have written:

A LIBRARIAN'S PLEA FOR LIBRARY ETIQUETTE

-- Please keep your children with you at all times. A librarian is there to help you select materials -- not baby-sit or clean up after your children. An unattended child can create hours of cleanup work in only a few minutes. Teach your children not to run or shout in the library.

-- If your child throws a tantrum, screams or continually whines, please take the child home. He or she probably needs a nap, a snack, or simply your undivided attention. While you can probably tune him out, other patrons cannot.

-- Do not use your cell phone in the library. No one wants to listen to you scream at your spouse or discuss personal finances. You never know who's listening, but you can be sure somebody is.

-- Do not bring food or drink to the library. A spilled drink can ruin books in an instant. Even if the book dries out, it will develop mold, which spreads to other books.

-- Return materials on time. Most libraries have limited budgets and limited staff to serve a large population. Don't waste our resources by failing to return materials when due. Don't claim you have returned a book when it's actually in your bedroom, child's room, gym locker, office or the back seat of your car. Librarians get no pleasure from collecting fines for overdue materials. Calling to remind you that things are overdue wastes limited staff time. It also wastes time and money to replace lost books, order the replacement (if there's money in the budget), and process it to be put back in circulation.

-- We are happy to help with your reference questions. But please remember we're not magicians. If you have a deadline, plan ahead. While we can perform miracles, they take a little time to accomplish, and there are other patrons to be served.

-- If you want to view pornography, buy a home computer. While we support free speech, our facility needs to be child-friendly. No one -- not children, other patrons or staff -- wants to see your "private life."

-- Talk to us in complete sentences. We are not mind readers. When you silently thrust a library card at us, we don't know what you want unless you tell us.

-- Please remember this is a library, not an office service. We are happy to help you find resources, but don't ask us to do your homework, write your paper, edit your letter or do your taxes.

And by the way, a simple "Thank you" makes our day.

I know this letter is too long to print, Abby, but thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I feel better. -- MARIAN THE LIBRARIAN IN KANSAS

DEAR MARIAN: You're welcome. I'm printing your letter in full because it has merit, and also because I suspect most of the offenders do not know any better.