DEAR ABBY: I have been thinking about writing this letter for a long time. I'm the director of a small public library. I love my job and serving our patrons. But you would not believe some of the outrageous behavior that occurs in libraries -- so I have written:

A LIBRARIAN'S PLEA FOR LIBRARY ETIQUETTE

-- Please keep your children with you at all times. A librarian is there to help you select materials -- not baby-sit or clean up after your children. An unattended child can create hours of cleanup work in only a few minutes. Teach your children not to run or shout in the library.

-- If your child throws a tantrum, screams or continually whines, please take the child home. He or she probably needs a nap, a snack, or simply your undivided attention. While you can probably tune him out, other patrons cannot.

-- Do not use your cell phone in the library. No one wants to listen to you scream at your spouse or discuss personal finances. You never know who's listening, but you can be sure somebody is.

-- Do not bring food or drink to the library. A spilled drink can ruin books in an instant. Even if the book dries out, it will develop mold, which spreads to other books.

-- Return materials on time. Most libraries have limited budgets and limited staff to serve a large population. Don't waste our resources by failing to return materials when due. Don't claim you have returned a book when it's actually in your bedroom, child's room, gym locker, office or the back seat of your car. Librarians get no pleasure from collecting fines for overdue materials. Calling to remind you that things are overdue wastes limited staff time. It also wastes time and money to replace lost books, order the replacement (if there's money in the budget), and process it to be put back in circulation.

-- We are happy to help with your reference questions. But please remember we're not magicians. If you have a deadline, plan ahead. While we can perform miracles, they take a little time to accomplish, and there are other patrons to be served.

-- If you want to view pornography, buy a home computer. While we support free speech, our facility needs to be child-friendly. No one -- not children, other patrons or staff -- wants to see your "private life."

-- Talk to us in complete sentences. We are not mind readers. When you silently thrust a library card at us, we don't know what you want unless you tell us.

-- Please remember this is a library, not an office service. We are happy to help you find resources, but don't ask us to do your homework, write your paper, edit your letter or do your taxes.

And by the way, a simple "Thank you" makes our day.

I know this letter is too long to print, Abby, but thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I feel better. -- MARIAN THE LIBRARIAN IN KANSAS

DEAR MARIAN: You're welcome. I'm printing your letter in full because it has merit, and also because I suspect most of the offenders do not know any better.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for 10 years. I raised my three children alone while working a 40-hour week. It hasn't been easy.

Now that my youngest is 15 and the older two are out on their own, I decided to go out with "Harold," a gentleman I have known for five years. He would come every day to visit me and chat with me at work, so I finally accepted one of his invitations to go out for coffee.

Our relationship proceeded from there. Harold accepted me, the kids, my relatives and friends. We get along beautifully. We never disagree or argue. It's like I have been swept off my feet by Prince Charming. I have never been so happy. We do things as a family and are always together -– except every night he goes home at 11 p.m. to his house, which is one hour from mine.

So what's the problem? Harold never mentioned that he has been married for 27 years and has a large family with many grandchildren. I got a phone call from a lady named "Ellen" who told me that Harold is her husband. She said she loves him, and begged me to end the relationship and tell him to go home to his family.

When Harold showed up for supper last night I told him about the phone call. He didn't deny any of it. He asked me if he had said he was married, would I have had coffee with him? Would he be in my life now? He says their marriage has been over since 2000, but because they are wealthy, a divorce would be very expensive, so it's better they live together and go their separate ways. He swears that he loves only me and my family, and he wants our relationship to continue!

Abby, I'm 45 years old and scared. I can't believe this has happened to me. I'm sick, brokenhearted and confused. Please tell me what to do. -- MISERABLE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MISERABLE: Harold may have financial wealth, but it appears he's morally bankrupt. He may "love you," but he loves two things more -– the status quo and his money. As much as you may care for him, please understand that you wouldn't be sick, brokenhearted and confused if he hadn't put you in this situation. Forty-five years old is the prime of life. Please don't be afraid. Tell this self-centered jerk the romance is over and send him back to his wife. The longer you allow this relationship to continue, the harder it'll be to make a new start -– and frankly, you deserve better.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old daughter lives in Denver. She grew up with her mother, although I was an active -– albeit distant -– father.

My problem is that we very rarely communicate, and when we do, I always do the calling. I never receive a birthday or Father's Day card, or even a Christmas card from her, for that matter. Although I send her these little remembrances, she never acknowledges any gift or card from me or any of my family.

I now have a terminal illness, Abby. My daughter is aware of this. Should I press her for more contact, or has she given her answer to my condition? -- STUMPED DAD IN LOUISIANA

DEAR STUMPED DAD: Sometimes no communication sends a powerful message. Do not press your daughter for more contact. Do, however, write her a letter expressing what you need to say to her. That way, after you are gone, you will have left nothing unsaid.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was more than a little put off by your response to "Happy Face in South Dakota," who asked wedding guests to be sure that widowed friends and relatives are asked to dance. Your response was that people should "pay attention to the wallflowers."

My dictionary defines "wallflower" as a girl who watches at a dance because of shyness or lack of a partner. The person who wrote you was not a shy, unescorted girl. She was a woman who had lost her partner through death, to whom the most basic social graces were not extended. Your use of the word "wallflower" was not only inappropriate, it was unkind. -- OFFENDED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR OFFENDED: Your sentiments were echoed by others, and I'd like to set the record straight. I have several dictionaries in my offices. My Webster's New World Dictionary defines a wallflower as, "a person, esp. a girl, who merely looks on at a dance, etc. as from shyness or lack of a partner." My Webster's Dictionary of the English Language (1979) defines a wallflower as "a person, esp. a girl or woman, who sits by the wall, or looks on, at a dance, sometimes from shyness but ordinarily from not having been sought as a partner (colloq)."

"Happy Face's" letter brought a lot of responses. A sample:

DEAR ABBY: Hello? Earth to "Happy Face"! Get up and take the initiative by asking them yourself. You will be unhappy and lonely only if you want to be. Take off the psychological sackcloth and ashes and start living again. Time's a-wasting! -- JOEL IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR JOEL: Although many mature women have been socialized to wait to be asked, you have a point. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like you to know that at least one 20-something male does what he can whenever possible to dance with older women who are without escorts. It feels good not to worry about rejection because I might not have enough "bling" or dress expensively. I appreciate the lack of narcissism I find in pre-boomers. Unfortunately, it's a trait that's literally dying out. -- TREVOR IN OREGON

DEAR TREVOR: That you are not only a considerate guest, but also a man who knows his way around the dance floor are valuable social assets that will stand you in good stead forever. Good for you!

DEAR ABBY: Before "Happy Face" runs to the restroom for a good cry, she should look carefully around the room. If she does, she may notice people who never had, or will have, a dance partner. She may observe a mentally handicapped young man whose day she'd make by inviting him to dance. Or an elderly man who's reluctant to ask, but who might be thrilled to be asked. There might even be an awkward teen who lacks the confidence to ask because he's self-conscious about his looks or his height, and would gladly accept an invitation from a mature lady who's willing to teach him some new (or old) steps. Just taking the initiative would take her mind off herself. -- DESMOND IN OTTAWA

DEAR DESMOND: I like the way you think.

DEAR ABBY: Our Mardi Gras Krewe held its 10th anniversary presentation, and the past nine queens -– of which I was one –- were on the stage. One of us, a recent widow, is now a double amputee in a wheelchair. When it was time for our presentation dance, my husband danced briefly with me, then went to the other queen's wheelchair and waltzed her around the stage. He left us all in tears. She later told me she had dreaded the time of the dance as she'd be all alone. It made her night. -- MARRIED TO A REMARKABLE MAN IN LOUISIANA

DEAR MARRIED: He's not only remarkable, he's a gem!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)