DEAR ABBY: I am 33 and married 10 years with two children, 8 and 10. I earn enough so my wife, "Jenny," doesn't have to work. My problem is Jenny, our children, my parents and all of my friends have forgotten that I exist.

I have asked Jenny and the kids hundreds of times to call me during the day, but they never do. On weekends, the only time they come near me is if they want something. When I leave for work, nobody says goodbye. When I return home, nobody even bothers to say hello.

I started keeping track. The last time my parents called to speak to me personally was almost a year ago. My mother calls and speaks to Jenny at least twice a week. When I answer the phone, all she says is, "Hi, it's your mother. Is Jenny there?" The same goes for my friends. I used to call them a couple of times a month. Then I realized they never called me, so I stopped calling. It's been a few years since I have spoken to any of them.

Last Thanksgiving, we invited our entire family of 25 to come to our house. Not one person other than Jenny struck up a conversation with me. But three weeks before Christmas, Jenny handed me a Christmas list for her, the children, her parents and all her siblings.

It has reached the point that I want to pack up and leave everyone behind and start over. I have never done anything to cause this. Please tell me what to do. -- THE INVISIBLE MAN IN ANAHEIM

DEAR MAN: What a sad situation. However, this didn't happen in a vacuum, nor did it happen overnight. Packing up and leaving will not solve your problem, but facing it and bringing it out into the open will. Please talk to your physician about your long-term depression and lack of self-esteem. Not only should you get professional counseling to help you with your personal issues, I strongly recommend family counseling for your wife, your children and your parents.

DEAR ABBY: We have a 60-year-old son who has been divorced for three years. He has four grown children and lives in another state.

Our son e-mailed us to say he wants to be buried, not cremated. He says that because we are his parents, we are responsible for his burial expenses if he should die before we do. He is not sick, Abby. He is living with a woman in her home, not working, and will soon be leaving for Russia to find a wife. He is angry with us for saying it is not our responsibility and that his children should be responsible for this. Are we right or is he? -- WORRIED PARENTS

DEAR WORRIED PARENTS: Because your son is acting like a child doesn't make him one. Since he wishes to be buried instead of cremated, he had better start saving for a cemetery plot and a casket. Your financial obligations to him ended when he became an adult four decades ago.

DEAR ABBY: My uncle died recently. He had a brother and a sister. When somebody asks me how many uncles I have, what should I say? Is it once an uncle always an uncle? What if they ask my mom? What should she say? -- UNSURE IN CANTON, GA.

DEAR UNSURE: If you're asked how many uncles you have, reply, "I have one uncle who is living, and one who is deceased." If your mother is asked how many brothers she has, she should answer that she had two brothers, but one is no longer living.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I work for a small company with 22 longtime employees. I have been here for only seven years. During that time, I have worked my way up from being a receptionist to "Girl Friday" for the plant manager, spending almost half my day in the shop with the hourly workers. They are all good people -- family men who are very experienced in their jobs.

The chief engineer, an extremely smart man I'll call "Mr. Farley," goes out of his way to belittle these guys, making them feel incompetent and uneducated in the face of his intelligence. Several of them are threatening to quit, including a key member of personnel, who has been here since the business began 35 years ago. (Mr. Farley was hired less than a month before I was.)

I'm afraid to tell my boss what's going on, and it could mean the loss of several important employees. What should I do? -- GIRL FRIDAY IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR GIRL FRIDAY: For the good of the company, you owe it to your boss to tell him (or her) what's going on. Please don't wait. If you tell your employer now, it could avert a serious personnel problem. If it were my company, I would want to know so I could deal with it.

DEAR ABBY: I am interested in a very attractive man who works with me. I have known him for several years through my stepfather. Every time I am around this man I feel like a schoolgirl.

Two weeks ago, I gave him a letter telling him how I felt. I couldn't say it face-to-face because he makes me nervous, and I was afraid I'd sound like a fool. He still hasn't responded.

I asked him to keep it just between us, but at work I feel people are looking at me with knowing eyes. It also seems like he is dodging me. I asked a friend for advice. She told me he does like me, but he wants to show respect for the family. Also, he is not into monogamous relationships.

Why hasn't he called me? Shouldn't he have the decency to let me know what's going on? I am very hurt. I haven't spoken to him for two weeks, waiting for his response. Should I leave it as it is and wait for him to come around, or try to talk to him? I really like him and respect his space. What should I do? -- TORMENTED IN BROOKLYN

DEAR TORMENTED: Although I don't know your co-worker, I would guess that he hasn't called or responded to your letter because it embarrassed him. He may like you, but not in the way that you like him. Your situation is a perfect illustration of why office romances are so risky. If they don't work out, the embarrassment and tension can be disruptive.

Rather than pushing him, leave things as they are. You have already done enough. And put the idea that everyone knows out of your mind, because unless the object of your affection is a complete heel, I'm sure your secret is safe with him.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think about a 60-year-old man walking into his 20-year-old stepdaughter's room without knocking when the door is closed? This has upset my daughter so much that she has refused to stay at home when she's in town for college break.

When I tell my husband that my daughter and I think his behavior is unacceptable, he becomes angry and denies doing it. But I know for a fact that he has done it -- I have a friend who witnessed it. -- FRUSTRATED IN S.C.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: It appears that your husband has a problem with boundaries and an unhealthy interest in your daughter. Furthermore, if he "peeks" at her, it makes me wonder if she's the only young woman he's trying to get a look at. You may be married to a Peeping Tom, someone who needs professional help.

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DEAR ABBY: We live in the Tampa Bay area, where two V.A. hospitals are located. Many members of the military have returned from Iraq and Afghanistan with mental and physical problems. In our community, we encounter these veterans every day.

Two weeks ago, we were in a fast-food restaurant and saw a young man on crutches with two shiny metal prosthetics on each arm below the elbow. The following week, we were walking down the street and ahead of us was another young man. This one had shiny prosthetics on both legs below the hips and was walking with a cane.

My husband and I wanted to approach and speak to these young men, but we held back. We weren't sure how they would accept a stranger's attention to them.

We, as a country, made many mistakes when our veterans returned from Vietnam. Many of these wounded young veterans will be returning to their homes and communities now and in the near future. I feel the American people need some guidance on how to handle this situation. Can you help us? -- PATRICIA AND BILL, SEMINOLE, FLA.

DEAR PATRICIA AND BILL: Put yourselves, for just a moment, in the position of the young men you have encountered. Would it not be meaningful to you if someone saw what you had sacrificed in the line of duty, and verbalized appreciation for it? Some decisions are better left to the heart than to the head -- and whether or not to reach out in a case like this is one of them. I say, go for it. It could give a deserving young person a tremendous boost.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a relationship with a guy who does not like to kiss. We act like an old married couple. He's not affectionate or romantic in any way at all. He'll hold my hand in public, but that's it. I'm wondering if it's because of depression. He loves to work, but I think it's to cover his depression.

He tells me every day that he loves me, and we never fight. We actually get along very well. Are some men just not affectionate? I would like to be, but I know he's not that type. My parents are not affectionate people, and they have been together for 38 years.

My boyfriend has told me that he knows there is something wrong with him and that he needs counseling about his behavior. We have a lot in common and see each other every day, so we are definitely serious. We laugh and click in ways other than being romantic and passionate. Is there any hope? -- STARVED FOR AFFECTION IN BIRMINGHAM

DEAR STARVED: There is hope, but only if your boyfriend is willing to get the counseling he says he needs. As it stands, your needs do not appear to be high on his list of priorities. Because it does not appear that a marriage without physical expression would be satisfying for you, it may be that you and he are destined to be the dearest of friends -- but not mates. If he truly cares as much about you as you care for him, he owes it to you to level with you.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a husband and daughter picking out carpet for our living room while I was out of town? Not only that, they picked a color I don't like. I am very hurt and disappointed -- not to mention angry! -- DONNA IN OHIO

DEAR DONNA: I don't blame you for feeling angry. As woman of the house, the choice of carpet should have been decided between you and your husband. I wouldn't blame you if you refused to accept delivery and installation.

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